Should I stay here or go 'home'?

Question

I've been living overseas for 5 years. The last 3 with the man I love. We've just broken up, and I'm struggling to cope. I was silly and relied on him for everything, so don't have a great network of friends to help me get through this. I have to make a decision whether to stay here and fight my way through Christmas & New Year alone, or finally fly home (the other side of the world) and start my new life there. It has been a struggle to stay here for so long anyway - I love it here, but have never been 100% settled. But I just know that I'm going to cry and cry and cry if I leave, and I might never be able to come back. It really is one of those BIG life changing decisions, and I don't know how to make it. I am so torn both ways. Of course if I stay here, I will also have to deal with seeing him about town, probably at some point with a new girlfriend. But if I go, then that really rules out any chance of us getting back together in the future. (which I really want). Any ideas?

Thanks for all the responses so far. I know it's time to be brave and move on. Hope I make the right decision.

Answer 1

IF YOU LOVE SOMETHING, LET IT GO....
IF IT COMES BACK TO YOU, IT IS YOURS....
IF IT DOESN'T, THEN IT NEVER WAS YOURS.

It will be harder for you to stay there and as you say, see him daily and possibly with a new gf. It will also be hard to come back here, but you will not have as many sad memories to encounter daily and you can begin to rebuild your life. If there is anyway that you can stay in contact with someone there who will let you know how he is doing, then you can maybe keep in touch with him and if he does decide that he wants to get back together with you, he will know how to get ahold of you. Maybe you can ask him if he would care if you both remained friends after you leave and then he would have your address and a way to get in touch with you.
Don't let him know that your breakup really devastated you, and that that is the reason you are leaving. Just tell him that you just feel that some space is needed now and you need to be on your own for awhile.
I always tell people that divorces (or breakups) are no more final than marriages are. Somewhere down the road you may find your way back to each other and have a wonderful life long relationship.
Good Luck!!!!

Answer 2

You aren't going to get an answer for this outside yourself, I'm afraid. Here are a few things to consider:

Are you considering going "home" just because of the holidays?
They will pass.

Is there anywhere around you that you might meet other people?
Bar, library, park, restaurants, plays, community events...

If you move "home", will you have the full support of family and friends? And, do you have a lot of friends there still? You've been gone for 5 years, how much has changed?

I would still advise you to realize that staying where you are so you have a chance of getting back together with him is a waste of your life. If he's going to come to you, good. If not, you *can* find other friends and other people who may even be more interesting and exciting than this guy. I wouldn't go looking for someone new just yet, but certainly, there are places you can go to meet people. What about local classes in something you are interested in? Make it something you're already good at so you don't have to spend a lot of time studying, and you'll look even better to the other students who may need help.

Answer 3

Wow, that is hard, isn't it?!
Since you are half a world away from your family, you are really going to be 'going it alone.'
The question is, how strong do you think YOU are?
I think I would probably stay. Proving to yourself (and to him, too) that you are strong enough and independent enough to make it there without him, may be just what brings him back around.
Of course, it may not. If he moves on, and you can deal with that in your new found independence you are going to be on top of the world!
If you can support yourself there, I say stay! You are going to learn a lot about YOU while you are making it.
Consider returning home as a back up plan, if you can't support yourself financially, but for no other reason. I mean, you have so much to gain by growing and becoming independent there!

Answer 4

just went through this, 3 years ago.my ex left to be with another, i did have hopes of reconciliation till i learned about her, and the fact it wasn't someone he had just met, as he told me. knew that i would be seeing them,as he owned a house across from where we lived, knew that they had planned on moving there and being across the street from me was just too much to want to deal with. so i did have a chance to return home, and after much thought i decided i had nothing at all going for me there, no support system, the family i knew his mom, and sister's had all turned against me the minute they found out about her.so i moved back to my home state, at first i questioned had i done the right thing, but today 3 years later, i knew i made the right decision,even if he had come back to me, it would not have been out of love, but out of some desperation. he had already chosen her over me, showed not an ounce of compassion for me or my feeling's, flaunted her so i could see, and for this i felt i had no future there.isn't easy to live in the same town as an ex, who you once loved and trusted completely, and see them on the arm of another. this woman couldn't wait for me to see her,even before the divorce was filed. call me a coward or a cut and run girl if u like, but to regain my sanity and my self esteem i had to leave.

Answer 5

I think you need to sit down and do a pros and cons list. If it was me I think I would go ahead and fly home to where my family is and start life over. I think it would be too hard after the breakup. I would want to get away. I wish you the best. Do the list and see which would be the better choice.

Answer 6

forget him move to another town start again, once a cheat always a cheat, get on without him his not worth it, give it another six months. and don't be so needy in the future..good luck you can do it.

Answer 7

It's time to go home!