How do I get over my grief and guilt of my little sisters death from a heroin overdose?

Question

My little sister was 18, beautiful, went to school, had a job and was a heroin addict. I always tried to help her, put her in rehab and she leaves. She always lied to me and I became obsessed with saving her. She died a couple months ago. Was in an apartment with 11 other people who were all high and just watched her pass out, turn blue and die. One guy robbed her as she was dying and took off. I am obsessed with her death and angry at the people who did nothing to help. I know she was responsible for her death but my anger is killing me. I feel so guilty that I could not have prevented this. I can't talk to my mom as she always enabled her and said she did not need a rehab - my mom always got in the middle of me trying to help her. I cant eat or sleep and I go to cemetary every other day. My husband is getting very annoyed and says I have to move on but I cant. She could have had the world at her feet. I wish I could have her back. How do you moveon?

Answer 1

Your story makes me very, very sad for you. I am so sorry. And it is not as if I can offer anything like useful advice. Only sympathy, that your grief touches us. I doubt that is much compensation.

When I lost a good friend a couple of years ago - his was not such a tragic case as your sister's by any margin, but all the same - I had a hard time trying to find ways of coming to terms with it. He had always done a lot of good things and in the end my only option was to try to do more of the same things he did. I don't think I was as good at it as him, but adding a little to what he'd done helped the pain to subside.

The people who let your sister die and robbed her were probably people just like you and me, with feelings, sympathies and other degrees of kindness that had been extinguished by the evil drug they were dependent on. Had it been a room of people like you she would not have been left like that. Perhaps you should consider working in some capacity to help people come off drugs. If we all did something like that it would be harder for poor women like your sister to have their lives cut short so pointlessly. You can't save her, but you may be able to save someone else because of her. I wish you all the luck in the world and hope peace returns to your troubled heart as soon as humanly possible.

Answer 2

Prayer. My fiance was a heroin addict from the age of 17 until last year. He went to prison and came home about 3 weeks ago and is going into a christian discipleship program tomorrow. I have been through hell and back in the 3 years we've been together and your husband is right. She has to want it. You can help her through prayer and that is what it is going to take. She won't be able to do it alone but on those days that she cries to you tell her about Jesus and how when she doesn't have the strength to do it He's there. For you, as painful and frustrating as it is, know that as long as you put her in God's hands and know that everything has purpose-you will be o.k. On the practical side, besides prayer, educate yourself about the drug and local establishments that are available for those with similar addictions---both detox and rehabilitation. Do NOT ever give her money though. I'll be praying for you and her.

Answer 3

You will grieve for a while sweetheart, that is natural, and ti shows that u r a loving sister. It will take a long time to get over this and u never will completely. However u cannot blame yourself for this, I really don't know what else to say, but i am very sorry for your loss. A good way to help u cope is to go to local schools in your area and talk about the loss your family went through from heroin addiction. I wish u the best.

Answer 4

Grief is something that everyone deals with differently. You have to find a way to let go of the anger. Have you tried talking to a grief counselor. Some hospitals also have free grief support meeting. Maybe you should go check it out. You can't let this anger get the best of you. Hang in there and seek professional help.

Answer 5

It might sound kinda cold, but you have to make the best of it. See if you can do some kind of outreach, community education, work at a drug counseling hotline...you need to get the word out about how bad you feel because it's killing you to keep it to yourself. Other people need to know what you're going through because of what your sister did. You do need to move on--you have to make her life and tragic death mean something, even if it just means that you'll never let that happen to you.

But I think you need to do something to express yourself--go to a support group, write about it, do something to give meaning to a seemingly meaningless act. I'm sorry this happened, and working to inform others about it won't bring her back, but you can make something good come out of something bad. Just don't get mired in your anger and guilt--they're stages of grief, so try to get through them at a pace that seems right to you.

You have an important story to tell--so tell it! Let others know how much this hurts. Make them take you seriously. And search for a receptive audience, because your story might save someone's life, even though you couldn't save your sister.

Answer 6

Sweetie, this is the thing. There comes a time when you need someone else to intervene and NOW is that time. Call a local hospital helpline or look under grief counseling in the paper or Look up the number of your nearest church call them an sk if they have grief circles...You know you need help now get some....Your intellect knows what is right now your heart has to gasp what is true..GET HELP!

Answer 7

I'm terribly sorry about your sister. I can't even imagine what you must be going through. I don't think you'll be able to simply "move on". I think you need to learn to cope through some sort of grief counseling. You should be able to find a professional through your network of family and friends, on line, or in your local phone directory. I wish you the best of luck.

Answer 8

Try to remeber her for all the memories are with you. She is not there in perso, but her soul shall always be with you. Maybe if you did something in memory of her it might help. Like a photo Album of her pics with you or family members. For the guy who robbed her will repent in Hell. and I think your husband should understand and should try to support you in these times. It must be hard for you to go through all this. Well, we can't bring her back but the memories will live on forever within you!

Answer 9

Forgive and forget; you obviously tried hard to save her, but you didn't make the decision for her to do heroin...I have lost 6 siblings, most of them are due to diseases, but when you do everything you can and still can't help them...it's best just to let it go and forgive yourself.
Praying really help me a lot.
God Bless

Answer 10

You just do. Remember her for the good things. That she was just human. That something terrible overtook her and now there's nothing much that can be done. None of us is exempt. Remember that no matter what, hope always exists.