Your opinion please.?

Question

I have recently talked to some swingers, they seem to think that what sets them apart from monogamous couples is that their love is their love, that they can share their bodies but nothing can take away from their love. Their marriage is more solidified that a couple who is monogamous and just cannot handle sharing their parnter. I just would like to know what you all think. I have know problem with swinging, I just think it is a personal choice I don't think it is a trust issue, or a security issue.

I was recently presented with an invitation to this kind of situation. I declined. I just cannot help notice that this couple is so distant, they never show one another affection, when we go out the male of the couple can go off for an hour or so and she does not even seem to notice let alone care. My husband and I always want to be close, we are always showing affection toward one another. If their marriage is so great then this doesn't make any sense to me???

Answer 1

It's not at all about having a solid marriage and being able to share. It's a fetish, some may call it a perversion. It's what gets them off. It is possible to have casual sex without emotion. It is also possible to be satisfied with your spouse and have no desire to swing.

Answer 2

This couple you mention is not all together. The majority of successful swinging couples I know are always touching, feeling, kissing, holding hands, and in other ways like two teenagers in love. This couple you mention seem to be trying to use swinging to "fix" thier broken relationship. This is the ones that end-up on Springer talking about how swinging ruined their marriage when in fact it was other things like selfishness and lack of respect for each other.

For my wife and I, we've been swinging for several years now and I can tell you without a doubt we are even closer now then when we started, and we had a great marriage and great sex then. Taking sexual jealousy out of the equation really defined what makes a relationship tick. The sex between us is still fabulous after eight years together, but the communication, respect, admiration, lust, love, need, want, desire, and more, is incredible.

This is how most successful swinging couples we know are.

You should stear clear of the couple you mention. They do not represent mainstream swingers but those on the fringe trying to use swinging to fix the stuff they alone broke in thier relationship.

Now do swingers have better relationships than non-swingers. That is a hard one to say, but the general concensus is that the divorce rate amongst long-time swingers is 3-times less than non-swingers. In university-backed studies 62% of swingers have said swinging improved their relationship. Even 49% of swingers who said they had a great relationship before said it got even better.

But I think that many non-swingers have good relationships too. It all depends on the people involved.

Answer 3

What makes them any different than people who are promiscuous and habitual daters. While I support their right to make their own choice ; I do not agree that it is done with the mind of having a stronger love. In fact they don't truly love their mate at all. It isn't natural to have your mate be with someone else. This lifestyle is purely for the sexual gratification. There isn't any true commitment by either partner. I am sure that if they were all asked they find some fault with their current mate as a lover and that is why they want to seek satisfaction elsewhere.
Why bother getting married at all? It is very selfish and disrespectful of your mate. How can a man have any pride in his wife if he knows that any joeblow has been touching her and spewing all over her. It dehumanizes the relationship and makes sex no more special than going to the toilet to defecate.

Answer 4

Swinging is justified cheating. When you have sex with someone, especially over time, there are feelings that become involved. It was created that way.

It is possible to just physically desire or lust for someone, BUT with men.......if you meet that sexual appetite consistently, overtime love will develop. Fondness at the very LEAST. For women......and emotional attachment will develop that if cultivated will turn into love.

It is dangerous. I think it is selfishness, which is amusing because they see monogamous people as selfish. What I mean by THEM being selfish is that they know they have these desires and have no desire to be faithful to any one person. So to justify their lack of control or lack of desire to commit themselves COMPLETELY and TOTALLY in a relationship, they find other people who are equally as selfish and not willing to commit......and because the understand each other and share the same phobia of commitment, they feel that this is true love.
But not really......it's just a match made between two selfish individuals.

It takes alot to be in a relationship. It is easy to leave when things go wrong. It is easy for me to go find sexual fulfillment somewhere else when my husband doesn't feel like he's in the mood.....and vice versa. But the work comes in because I love him, and that love waits on him until the mood is right. That love investigates to find out what is wrong, and if I can help him, or help work out what ever is bothering him.......or even love him enough just to let him sleep if he is too tired or burned out to perform marathon sex.

Swingers are selfish. Period.

Answer 5

It boils down to the old saying "the grass is greener on the other side of the fence." but it's not true. Sex between a married couple is part of their deep personal relationship. Intimacy is very important in a long lasting marriage. If you poll the people who are 'swingers' you find 90% or more have been married more than once. If you poll people who waited to have sex prior to marriage the divorce rate goes down to around 30%. Amazing isn't it?

Answer 6

Ultimately it's up to the individuals, and what they want to feel in this life. We'd like a tidy idea of what love and marriage is supposed to be, but love and marriage is a dance between freedom and restraint always changing as the individuals change.

Personally I think that you are strongly connected thru sex - connections that don't end when the act ends. I don't want those other people's energy in my relationship in such an intimate way. It does show that my relationship is 'weak' in a way because I won't put my love to the ultimate test - but the thing is that I chose not to feel or go thru that challenge in my life. I don't care to directly challenge my love - shoot it's tough enough as it is. For me, the question is why go thru that drama - put yourself right in it just for some 'strange'? But - I don't need to get some 'strange' like others do or to feel valiant or whatever the feel is.

Answer 7

I understand their philosophy but it is unrealistic to think if you are physically intimate with other people that it is impossible for emotions to get involved. I had a good friend who had an open/swinging relationship with his wife. After 19 years of marriage he fell in love with one of the "others" and left his wife.
I personally am way too jealous to do it!

Answer 8

I am not with that. Why have a partner, if you want to sleep around? Sex is not a major part of the day, why plan so much for such a short part of the 24 hour day. If you keep doing that, soon your expectations are so high that no normal person can keep you satisfied.

Answer 9

I can sort of see where they are coming from but for me there has to be "love" and closeness one night stands and swinging would be too detatched and take away from the pleasure. I'm not saying I am monogonus, but there needs to be more than sex to get the ultimate pleasure i reckon

Answer 10

the couple is lying to you! They have been telling themselfs that lie for so long they now believe it.

Man hoe + Female hoe+ marriage= swingers

and what about STD's