is 'brutal honesty' a good thing?

Question

had an old roommate who was always on about how she was brutally honest and that was better than lying. she would tell someone, my god you look AWFUL! and walk away.

i know there are also times when brutal honesty is a good thing--to wake someone up to the truth when they are denying it, for example.

which is more common? is being brutally honest more helpful or hurtful?

thanks, really clear answers. :)

Answer 1

I hate it when people lie to me, even if they claim they only wanted to protect me from the truth. But being brutally honest isn't that much better either (but it highly depends on the situation). I'd rather have someone speak the truth honestly and kindly (or lovingly).

If brutal honesty is intended to save someone from harming or destroying himself/herself (drugs, a bad relationship, etc.) then it's absolutely called for (and when you're trying to do that, it means you care enough for the other person). But if it's just to give someone a reality check (about how they look or something like that), then more often than not, it'll just be perceived as being hurtful. Because many times, it is.

Answer 2

I'd have to say if I asked someone a question, I'd want an honest answer. However, if its been a long day, and I already know I look like crap... at this point someone telling me a look awful is just being a jerk.

There's a fine line there, though. In another case lets say I had food in my hair from feeding my son, or grease on my face from checking the oil in my car. When someone finally did tell me, I'd have to wonder what is wrong with all the people who didn't.

I'd definitely want to know if there was something I could do to fix the situation. However, I would be offended by someone commenting on things I have no control over.

For certain there are more people who would say nothing, so I'd say it's more common. Helpful or Hurtful? A little of both.

Answer 3

Brutal honesty is truth laced with the opinion of the one telling it.

The truth may or may not be hurtful, but sometimes the brutal part might be an intent to hurt.

But for me, I'd rather hurt a little now and know the truth than being lied to and then discovering the truth, thus be hurt even more (and be pissed off as a result).

Answer 4

It really depends on the situation. If I'm looking slightly overweight due to bloating, don't be brutally honest because it would cause unnecessary drama. If I'm hooked on drugs and need someone to wake me up to the truth, please feel free to be brutally honest, because you would be saving my life. There are situations where its good, and situations where its bad. Use wisely.

Answer 5

Brutally Honest roughly translates into emotionally weak.

People who claim to be brutally hones have trouble connecting with people and they have very deep seated fears and insecurities about themselves. They hide behind this hard exterior...this gruff outward shell so people do not get close and in time do not ask them for much. They defend their weakness by a false show of strength...even in trivial matters.

is it okay to be brutally honest...sometimes, yes, mostly it is much better to be honest with tact and sincerity...you will get much further with relationships if they trust you not confront them with harshness and treat them with respect.