i dont think my wife is interested in me anymore?

Question

we've been married nearly six years and for her, i think the spark has gone?i do all i can to please her but it has no effect?we only get intimate once every 6/8 weeks if she wants to,what can i do?

dont get me wrong, the sex is'nt that important at the moment,
all i would like is for her to return the love i show to her?
i do the washing,the ironing,the cooking and i also give her massages,buy flowers/presents but it's never enough?
every time i try to talk to her she clams up and makes an excuse to change the subject?
i dont want to walk out but i feel as though thats whats she's forcing me into doing?

forgot to add there are 4 children involved in this relationship,
we have 2 together and she has 2 from a previous relationship.

Answer 1

she sounds cold Oh dear that isnt cool...this can kill the marriage.thats not enough...if you have a minister talk to him...and get her to say what is wrong...physical stuff should still work even without sparks..

Answer 2

Seek counseling with both of you. Try different tecniques. The "Spark" doesn't mean sex all the time, but you should try different things. Sex is good yes, but there is a time in all relationships when that sexual spark isn't as glowing as it used to be. I have been with my hubby for 10 years. There was a time when I thought that we were no longer in love. But now after all these years things are stronger. Is there any emotional baggage with you or her that need ironing. Sometimes that can affect the relationship more than you will ever know. Maybe it takes more to warm her up. Either way you two should seek counseling together and seperately. If it is just the sex, seek a sex therapist. They can help you alot. I hope this helps somewhat. If it is not just sex maybe you should think back to what brought you two together in the first place. Also, sometimes though women like sex, when they are married for awhile they do not have the drive that they used to. Men are not the only ones who can suffer from low sex drives. Does that mean they totally lose interest. Absolutely not. They are still happy for the most part. Hope this helps.

Answer 3

Intimacy begins outside the bedroom. Foreplay starts with your "Morning, hon."

If she's distant then do what you did before you got intimate. Take her out, go see a movie, spend some time re-kindling the friendship that led to the courtship.

Ask her every day if there is anything you can do for her. It's just an indication that you do consider her.

Take a look at what the woman does in a day. Are you a good partner? If not, step up. ... take out the trash, do the dishes, ease up the mundane day to day chores that may have her feeling more like a maid than a lover.

Give her some time to let the changes you make sink in. Buy some candles, a bottle of wine.

Women get sick of the caring. We are supposed to have infinite resources for caring for everyone elses needs without regard for our own needs, including the dang house, until all we see ourselves as is the maid. It really kills the libido.

Answer 4

Are you doing the same things that you were before you were married? I know I love if when my husband surprises me with a love note or a cute little teddy bear. Do you let her know you apprecaite the things she does. like making dinner, or cleaning? We women really appreciate it when the men in out lives thank us for stuff even if we do it ever day. Do you tell her shes beautiful for no reason at all or that you love her. Whe those are said when you are only looking to get something in return its not believable. Does she like back rubbs or foot massages? How about giving her one. be intimate with her without expecting sex.
cuddleing watching a movie, massages, romantic dinners.
There all kinds of things you can do. Do you have kids? Taking care of kids can really wear you out.
She might just be too tired to be intimate. Do you ever critisize her. I know when my husband critisizes me it hurts so bad that it ruins the rest of the day.
There is a book called "Love is a decision" I dont remember the author but it helped me and my husband. It helped me understand him better and helped me understand him better. you should look into it.

Answer 5

Honey I have the same problem. My husband and I just got married Nov. 7 th will be one year. We had sex the day after we married. Then nothing for 3 months. We had just got back together before we married. We both had things in our minds about what the other did while we were not together. We still to this day have sex everyonce in a blue moon. I feel like I am nasty all the time. When I try to have sex with him and he turns me down it breaks my heart and I sit and cry. I dont really know how to tell you to deal with the feelings inside. I cant even deal with mine. Just hold on tight if you love her. Maybe things will turn around. I think my deal came with when I got pregnant and had a tubil and they had to take my baby and part of me. I think he still holds and grudge in away. I am sorry to hear what you are going through and let me know how things go.

Answer 6

Try being intimate with her psychologically, w/o expecting sex...this means do the laundry, observe her other needs and meet them. Is she tired? Do you have young kids? Does she need a massage? Try doing a few 'harmelss' things WITHOUT expecting any sexual favors----value her as your partner, the rest may come.
All marriages have ups/downs...and it only works when you meet each others needs...sometimes peopel are quite verbal about what they need and other times they believe the spouse should "see" it.
SO my thought for you is to stand back and see what you can DO to show your wife that she as a person is noticed...and that her needs---non-sexual ones- are important , then help her there...you'll see how easy she will see you as a caring man and feel more compelled to engage sexually.
When I had smaller kids, a home to care for, and a job...I can honestly say that despite enjoying sex....I'd give it up for a fulfilling nites sleep----it wasn't personal toward my husband...I was just 2 damn tired!
Good luck----if you love her...let her know in small bites, pretty soon you'll see the rewards....

Answer 7

It all starts with communication. You need to find out from her why it is she's holding out on you for 6/8 weeks at a time. Is it something emotional, physical?

Maybe you're not loving her the way she wants to be loved in order for her to be able to be intimate with you. What is different now in the relationship from 6 years ago when you two fell in love? Try and find that little spark and work with that.

Answer 8

Sounds to me a little like my relationship.... I think that a lot of times we (married people) take for granted the spark...because we are married we get this false sense of security when in fact we have to work to retain the relationship. I believe the spark dies a little but if it gets fanned once in a while you'll see a flame!!

So in man terms....just because you get the championship belt...doesn't mean you should stop training and expect to win every time you step into the ring!!! If you want something bad enough you have to be able to work hard to RETAIN it!!!
It's not all butterflies and roses in the married life....believe me I know

Answer 9

Hmmm there are a lot of things you could do to spark her interest again. And not all of them are sexual in nature. Try doing something just for her - that's not sexually related. Once I got home from work after a particularly stressful day, to find the house dark, soft music playing, candles lit in the bathroom, the tub full of hot bubbly water, my current book sitting beside the tub on a stool, along with a glass of coke. He also took white and red rose petals and scattered them over the counters, and bathroom floor, and tub. He took the time to fix the setting for me - with many of my favorite things. He took my briefcase from me, undressed me, helped me into the tub, and once I was settled asked if I needed anything else. Then he said "the next hour is yours" and left the room.

Stuff like that makes me feel special and appreciated, and loved beyond belief. It stirs my heart and soul -- all those things lead to great intimacy.

Good luck.

Answer 10

Try something spontaneous, like a weekend getaway. Have every thing already planned out for when you get there. And then have an elegant dinner or something, and propose to her again. And when you do, tell her everything that you are feeling (that you think the spark for her is gone). If she doesn't love you like a million bucks after that, it may be something deeper.

Answer 11

What did you do at the begining that made her fall in love with you?
Sounds like to me, you need to go back to courting ...
It has gotten me and my husband through a couple of rough spots. You just have to step back and look at your relationship through the rose colored glasses you were looking through when you were dating.
We had to sit down and have a discussion about how we felt about eachother and where we wanted to go in our relationship.
Most recently, I wasn't even sure how I felt about our marriage. I mean I knew I loved my husband, but something in our relationship had changed and I had to figure out where I wanted out relationship to go.
Well I figured it out and we started dating again. Our relationship has matured a bit now and it was just weird for awhile (we have been married for nearly 14 years). There are still some things we are trying to get used to, but at least we both know that we want to be together!
Also, once we were able to get things figured out, our sex life really took off. We have great sex now...much better than before!