What do you do when your wife wants to leave you?

Question

How would any one react to their wife telling them that after almost 10 years of marriage, that they want to leave you so they can find themself. I just can't seem to be able to deal with it very well. If you still care for the person, do you tell them to get out or do you try and work it out? I am all for trying to work it out. She, on the other had said that were done, and there is nothing to work out. This had never been a bad relationship. Please help with any answer's.

Answer 1

Start thinking about how the children will be affected, and see to it that what's best for them comes first.

Answer 2

When a woman wants to find herself or needs space, then it is over. Don't fight it. Let her go, without all the crap about how much you love her and vows etc. If you make it easy for her, she may realise your worth and return. Don't count on that as being a given though. Most don't come back, but some actually do. If you are able to face facts and not use emotional blackmail to hold her, she may return in the knowledge that she will not be forever condemmed. It worked for me, and yes, I still have moments, but I hold my tongue, and it gets easier every day. What do I get out of all this? I get lots of reassurance and give lots of it in return. I am now more aware of my actions towards her, in that I don't spend as much time wasting my life at work. A rare case, I know, but give it a go. You really have nothing else to lose and everything to gain. Look at your own short-comings as well and change that, rather than find hers.It seems she still has some respect for you, in that she is trying to let you down easy, as opposed to telling you straight out. OR, it may be that she is afraid of your temper perhaps? Stay calm and support her decision. (easier said than done !!!) Email me if you want to talk further.

Answer 3

I am sorry that you are going through such an ordeal with your wife. I know how you are feeling right now cause I am going through the same thing with my husband. After 35 years. I have been dealing with it for the past two years, and the only solution that I have come up with is that you just have to let her go. Staying together when one of you wants to leave only makes for bad and bitter feelings. I didn't want my husband to leave either, but I have figured out that by staying together only makes the two of us unhappy. You can't force someone to love you no matter how hard you try. I learned the hard way. It is easier to just let them go. I found out that it just doesn't work when only one of you is trying to make it work. As hard as it was to let him go, I finally gave in. Now we get along a lot better than we did when we were together. Neither one of us is seeing anyone else and we spend holidays with our children. Life is good. He just needed to be alone. Maybe that is what your wife needs too. Give it a try.
I wish you all the best. May God Bless and I will keep you in my prayers.

Answer 4

It sounds to me that your wife is telling you she's found someone else. If your relationship wasn't bad, and she wasn't miserable being married to you, the only thing I can think from a woman's point of view is that someone is telling her what she wants to hear and making things sound as if the grass is greener on the other side. It's a shame because if you love her like you say you do, and you want to work things out with her even after her telling you she needs to find herself...she may find that she made the biggest mistake of her life, and hopefully will learn from that. Sometimes people can be so selfish...You have my best wishes...

Answer 5

You're wife says that you two are done so there's no options here. If it's any consolation, it's not about you. This excuse people use about needing to "find themselves" is ridiculous. A woman can find herself and still be married. She just wants her freedom to find other things, if you get my drift. I'm really sorry this happened to you but at least she didn't waste more years of your life than she did.

Answer 6

If she's that determined and says that there's nothing to work out, there's really not much you can do but let her leave. The harder the try to hold her, the more she will resent it, and you don't want that either. I am sorry. Good luck to you. (Talk to a lawyer and see what your options are regarding properties and children, etc.) That's harsh I know, but it sounds like she's decided, so you need to be prepared.

Answer 7

Been there done that, and we have a son. Just try to let go. Talk to friends or get professional help. If she is steadfast in wanting to leave there is almost nothing you can do about it but move on to better things. I never thought I'd marry again but I did and I'm happier then ever.

Answer 8

I am very sorry you are going through this.

It seems your wife may have already found herself with someone else if she isn't willing to work on 10 years of marriage with you. (that is just my opinion) Hope for the best, prepare for the worst! Keep your chin up - go get yourself involved with the guys, go on vacation, a manly camping trip, go join something, Bowling, softball, football anything to get your mind off her!! God Bless!

Answer 9

I know your heart must be breaking.... If she is adamant about calling it quits, she may have found someone on the side. Either way, let her go. Don't feed her ego by begging, calling, and pleading.Just for the heck of it, did you suggest counseling?If she has no interest in that, I'd re-evaluate the relationship.

Answer 10

Going on a quest to find yourself should not first entail forgetting the vows you took, or your spouse. I think your wife is being irrational and unreasonable, and dishonest. There's got to be something else at the bottom of this.

Answer 11

If you can be still for two years while she has a love affair then be quiet. If your mind will snap then you have no choice but to leave. Accept that you are an outcast and have to learn about life.