At what age do you have the talk?

Question

My son is 11 now, and the school showed him the sex ed. video at school, they didn't even warn us parents. Anyway, now he's asking really difficult questions. I have the answers for him but how do you know how much to tell? To my understanding the video was very detailed and showed e-v-e-r-y-t-h-i-n-g. This is my oldest child so I'm new to this, any help would be greatly appreciated.

Answer 1

you should have told him before now, actually. that is a shame that the school never told you about this. sexual behavior is actually starting REALLY young. in Cleveland, OH the sex education is now starting in 1st grade! this is due to so many young pregnancies! kids are actually starting to experiment at a young age not knowing what they are even doing!!!

ok, so i really suggest answering all your child's questions. they are going to find out the answers one way or another. it is uncomfortable, but you really do want to open up the doors for communication NOW. odds are that your child will have sex before they are married, as this is 2006, so you need to make sure they are armed with the correct information from the beginning. i would suggest teaching them about abstinence, but also teach them about safe sex. they need to know all the options because they WILL make their OWN choice.

the more a person knows about sex, the more they will understand what it is that they are doing. and the more you understand this, the more likely you will wait until you are ready and handle things more responsibly. those who do not get educated properly, do not really understand what it is they are doing.

so, open up the doors of communication when it comes to sex. you do want them to come to you later in life when they have problems & questions when they have a boyfriend or girlfriend.

Answer 2

I don't believe in "the talk."

I think that parents and children should talk about sex whenever there's a teachable moment, and that means that even young children's questions should be answered.

I'm not saying you need to be graphic, or provide a lot of detail, but kids need to know the correct terms for body parts, who's allowed to touch and who's not, where babies come from and how they're made, and about how adults relate to each other, emotionally and physically.

I think you listen hard to kids' questions, and you answer exactly what was asked. You take your cue from the child, and make sure it's a two-way conversation, with each party asking and answering. But you follow the child's lead. There's no point in giving a bunch of graphic details that weren't asked for and exceed a child's understanding. But sometimes a child's understanding is surprisingly sophisticated!

I also think you go to the library and get some books that can be left around, so your child can do some thinking and researching on his own. The librarian will be able to recommend some good ones for you.

I think that if you wait until YOU think your child is ready for some big talk, a few bad things could happen: a) it will be uncomfortable, because it will be your first conversation about such things, and a lot is riding on it; b) you may be too late--your child may be experimenting or may have already heard erroneous information from peers; and c) you'll have missed out on tons of chances to explain not only the biology and mechanics of sex, but also your views on what it all means and what kinds of behavior you expect from your child.

The world is full of teachable moments. Everything from dragonflies mating on the back porch railing to new puppies to a pregnant aunt or a great relationship you want to call attention to. Even bad examples, like beer advertising, or pop/rap videos, or crazy pop-ups when you're web surfing. Take advantage of them!

Answer 3

I have to tell you - doctors are supposed to start what we call the "sex, drugs, and rock n' roll" talk by this age. Often, in the ER, girls 9 years and older are administered pregnancy tests, depending on what's going on....

Be honest, but appropriate with your son. This is a good time to impart your values (such as no sex before marriage or whatever) on him... If he's precocious, go into more detail with him, if he's not, just the basics are fine.

Good luck!

Answer 4

I’m not a parent or anything – I’m actually still in school myself. I pretty much learned about stuff like that over a period of time, as the topics came up. First of all, you may want to talk to the school about it. Even if you don’t do that, still talk with him. I would see what he already knows, except he may feel uncomfortable talking about that with you. You could also have a father/father figure or trusted male adult help talk with him. It may be easier for him to understand that way, depending on your son. But be sure to explain to him not to say gross things at school like that or tell dirty jokes. In my class at school there are several boys that say gross, perverted things all day long and it’s a shame to see what they have become. Also let him know not to say things like that in front of other girls. I have had to listen to some very interesting conversations about things like that. Well hope this helps=)

Answer 5

Well when I was in fifth grade, they did the same thing.
Usually, the middle schools will tell parents about this sort of thing in case you really want to have the talk with them, but if you don't, the teachers will do it for you.
In fifth grade, I doubt the videos are that detailed.

Answer 6

I am a firm believer when they're asking detail questions then you should tell them the answers. Hiding or not being up front with them could harm your relationship. Look at it as a good thing. They actually felt conferable enough to come to YOU the PARENT, and not some other kid at school that would give them the wrong answers and bad advice. Good luck!

Answer 7

I'm 15 and we never had sex ed. and I never had 'the talk'. I already know everything and have since I don't know how long. Chances are your son already knows and he could be playing with you or he genuinely doesn't know. Be straight up with him and don't beat around the bush. If hes in middle school already he'll learn about this stuff anyway.

Answer 8

Hey,

I just figured it out.. Mind you I'm a girl... I watched TV and at about 12 my Mom hadn't really given me the talk but she told me enough... I just clued in... I can't remember her ever sitting me down and going "sex is..." but I learn-ed most by watching television..... By the time my Mom told me at age 12, I'd already figured it out... So ask your son what he knows, and sure it's kind of a worrisome topic but trust him and he'll make the right decisions... Trust him and he'll know you trust him...
I'm 14 now, and I'm fine....
Karina

Answer 9

Be honest! Tell him what he wants to know. Give him the correct terms. You what your child to be educated. Just because he knows what everything is doesn’t mean he will go and have sex. You don’t want your son to become ignorant like most men and learn thing from TV.

Answer 10

the skool showed me the talk when i was 11 too but it doesent talk about sex it talks about ur period(well mine did cause i'm a gurl) and lots o things. in 6 grade u talk about actuall sex in my skool (like wet dreams)(protection)(things about the opposite sex) but from my parents i got the talk when i was 8.and my dad told me! the whole thing. how its bad. even how to do it. but eduation is the best protection. i am now scared to death of sex!