Please Help Me, Am I Being Oversensitive?

Question

Ok, I need some advice from somebody. I'm currently dating and engaged to a wonderful girl who I love with all my heart.

Here is our problem. We are currently forced into a long distance relationship. I am in a hospital for medical purposes (and have been for over 2 months) in a different city from where we live and she works. She can't be here with me all the time and I'm ok with that.

My problem is though that today she is meeting a guy for coffee that she met on the internet. She swears to me that he is only a friend and that she spends most of her time talking to him about me. This will be their first face to face meeting.

I trust my girlfriend and she isn't a cheater, but I guess I am afraid that because of my medical problems and the distance that this new guy could come in and "sweep her off her feet".

Am I being rediculous or should I be jealous??

Answer 1

It is natural to feel anxious about any real or perceived threat. You consider this man to be a threat to your relationship, so it makes you uncomfortable.

I think that only you know for sure whether or not you should worry. If your girlfriend/fiance is an honest, good woman who has never given you cause to think twice about her actions or intentions, then I would say, don't worry.

I can also understand your concern because though you may know HER motives, the motives of this man stand to be questioned. I would say that it probably isn't 'wise' for her to do that. Only because my thoughts are, why even leave anything to chance?? If even any of my actions caused a hint of concern to my husband, I would have to re-evaluate those actions.

For example, I have a friend whom I've known longer than my husband. This friend and I were very close long ago, and had even gave a relationship a try. However we were not good for each other, so we gave up on romancing each other. However from time to time he still emails, and wants to talk on the phone with me. Recently he has told me that he feels I was the one who got away. Though I know I will NEVER be with this man, not even a little, because I don't want him.........so I told my hubby he called. My husband listened and our conversation went on. The next day, he called after I had left home, and asked me to inform this man not to email or contact me any longer.

Initially, my first reaction was one of amusement and I was about to ask why, and to tell him he had nothing to worry about. But then I thought about it......though I know I don't want the friend......
why continue to engage in an association that makes my husband, the one I love, anxious? It isn't even serious. And because it isn't serious, it was expendable. I broke the friendship off.

I don't know what her reaction will be, or if you will even say anything. But i think that at the least you should let her know that you feel some anxiety because you know of all her wonderful qualities, and she means the world to you and that your concern is that this new internet buddy sees those same qualities and traits and may have designs to move forward in the hopes of more than a friendship. Just put it out there delicately and not pushy or in any way offensive or aggressive. See what she thinks. And even if she does continue the friendship, having you present her with that theory........she may keep her eyes open a little wider, and pay closer attention so that if he does try to ease toward more........she will see it coming, and it won't be something that just, 'happened'.

Answer 2

I would be concerned. If she needs someone to "talk to about you" why can't it be a girlfriend (she knows) or a family member. Why someone new who doesn't even know her or you? How did they meet over the internet - what site? You don't just "meet" someone on the internet without an intention or source. Ask her what site they met on and do some investigation (like look for her ad). And being as though the purpose it to talk about you, ask her to bring him by to meet you. I am sorry you are ill, I hope you get better and out of the hospital soon. I wish you the best.

Answer 3

It's understandable for you to be jealous, but holding it in makes it no better, it will do nothing but stress you out. Let her know how you feel, and also sometimes people like that are to help people cope. She may be going through a lot with you being in the hospital far away and her not being able to be at your side. Talk it over with her, let her know if that's the problem, she doesn't have to go outside the relationship for comfort.

Answer 4

No, you're not ridiculous. You're a man who's been in a hospital for two months and you have enough to deal with without wondering about this situation. You say you're dating and engaged. They are two different things. If you are officially engaged, she shouldn't be meeting any guy for coffee and how the heck did she hook up with him on the Internet? Have you asked her that?

Answer 5

You have every right to be upset with your girlfriend. She has no business meeting men off the Internet . If she is looking for some new friends, why can they not be females? I'm not saying you can not be friends with the opposite sex, but your partner should be okay with it, and your partner should also know who the friends are. Since you're in a hospital away from your girl...this could be a sign of her moving on and she doesn't quite know how to tell you. If YOU are not comfortable with your girl meeting strange men off the Internet...you have every right to tell her and she should respect your wishes...especially since you are in hospital.

Answer 6

I am sorry to say but this does not sound good, when some people have a lot of stress they riche out to someone else for comfort. If I were you, talk to her later, when she has already met with him and ask her for the truth about how she really feels. If she has strong feelings for this person its time to let her go. I know this would be very hard for you, but why would you want to be were you are not wanted. God has the right person for you just give him time (God may not be early but he is never late)

Happiness keeps You Sweet,
Trials keep You Strong,
Sorrows keep You Human,
Failures keeps You Humble,
Success keeps You Glowing,
But Only God Keeps You Going!

Answer 7

You are not being ridiculous. I have leukemia and will soon be leaving to New York for treatment, (I live in California). My ex took off when I got diagnosed and that really hurt. Your girl may have thought she could handle your illness but is now looking for someone to comfort her "grief." Don't underestimate a person's ability to make a mistake or get off track. I know i may sound negative but i just would hate to hear you were hurt by someone you care about during a difficult time in your life. Good luck and i hope you get better.

Answer 8

Come on- this is serious??? You can't figure out for yourself that an engaged lady, dating other guys is a problem? Oh, I meant, "meeting for coffee" But, is there a difference between meeting, and dating? Buddy, don't worry about her being swept off her feet. She knows what she is doing- she's dating.

Answer 9

You are not being ridiculous, but I am not saying you should be jealous.

Maybe she needed someone that didnt know her or her situation with you very well so that it wasnt always the topic that was being talked about. maybe she wants to rest her mind about you being in the hospital and she needs to be around someone who can keep her mind off of it.

Or maybe she needs someone that she can talk to about you and you guys being together and you being in the hospital.

I wouldnt freak out just yet. If you trust her, then continue trusting her.

Answer 10

I don't think ur being ridiculous... I've only meet men online when I was interested and I wanted them to be interested as well. But that's me.. I'm a flirt.

How long have they been chatting online? If it is a rcent thing, beware! Because, he has the advantage.. he's local.

For now, let things unfold.. keep your ears (and eyes) peeled. You'll notice if she begins to pull away.. and that's when you'll know it's time to cast your line in a new pond.

Good luck!