What is wrong with my stepfather? Is it a personality disorder or is his behavior more serious than that?

Question

Behind closed doors, beats the daylights out of daughter. Locked her out of house in sub-freezing temperature. Poured beer in her hair. Son had a friend. Dad refers to them as "whores". Very secretive with own children about business matters like how much money he was making. Keeps a recording device to listen to phone conversations for anybody using his telephone.

In public, quiet and polite.
In church, "upstanding citizen".

"Poor me" syndrome.
"All I got for Chrismas as a boy was an orange and a pair of mittens".

"I peed my pants when I was four and living in the helter {World War II }".

"I was the only person who had to wear a suit too small at high-school graduation".

Granddaughter told him, “I don’t want vanilla ice-cream cone. I want chocolate.” Buys her vanilla. She says, “I told you I don’t want vanilla”. He slaps her across the face because he didn’t get to choose chocolate when he was a little boy.

Answer 1

He is one sick cookie! Where is mom in all this? Yes his behavior is serious, sick and extremely abusive. All the children need to be removed from his presence immediately.

Answer 2

Personality disorders are very serious and he may have one or a combination of other mental disorders. There's no way to know unless he's seen a professional. Although, from what you've said, it sounds like a situation involving a man who may have been abused or felt that he was abused as a child and now he's caught in the cycle.

No one should be subjected to this type of abuse nor should they feel any obigation to suffer along with him. If he refuses to seek help then there is nothing anyone can do but to keep away from him. He should not be around any children!! I feel bad for this man because he's obviously suffering but he should not be allowed to destroy the lives of others. The family should think about counseling even if he refuses help of his own.

Answer 3

Sorry to say this, but he is an abusive bully who needs to be told.
He is actually a very angry man who is feeling very bitter about his own life.

He doesn't actually sound like the type who would take counselling either.

I think someone who he respects needs to tell him about his behaviour. I really wouldn't want my children near someone like this. I would tell him this, that unless he can treat people with respect then he's going to lose so much!

Maybe you could have a chat with him about the old days and how things were and then bring up the question, does it make you resent people of this generation? If he says yes, blah blah blah, you say I thought so, you seem to get so angry all the time, did you realise that? Then take the discussion from there.
I suppose this would be a more subtle approach.

Good luck

Answer 4

What you're describing doesn't sound normal or healthy, no doubt.

The bigger question is what are you going to do to protect yourself from this and to keep him from harming you and others?

Don't worry about trying to solve him or save him. Come up with a good strategy to protect yourself and your family. Counseling could help you a lot, as could talking with a social worker or someone else who can help you navigate any legal aspects of this

And by the way, personality disorders *can be* very serious. Antisocial personality disorder, for example, leads to behaviors that land people in jail, including murder, rape, assault, etc.

Answer 5

This is a very good blog, a beginner’s guide to abnormal psychology.
Short, clear and simple; and you can even post your question and contact the author regarding particular subject you are interested in

http://sensitive-psychoworld.blogspot.com/

Answer 6

I am not a psychologist, but it sounds very much like borderline personality disorder. Check it out online.

Answer 7

omg that whole family needs to desert him! Forget trying to diagnose him - just get away from him for good!

Answer 8

It sounds like he has a sadistic, persecution complex.....