My wife and I have two small children together. I love them very much. However, my wife treats me horribly. She is sarcastic, spiteful and borderline hateful at times. We have only been married 6 years and yet we have only made love 4 times in the past year. She sleeps upstairs with our children instead of with me. She blaims my sleep apnea for that - although early in our marriage she said me snorring didn't bother her. I know I am difficult at times. I lived alone for many years and developed bad habits and tended to be a bit controlling early in our marriage but I am trying my best to change. However, she is very, very independent and stubborn and I think she has decided not even to try (although she claims this isn't so). We married because she got pregnant, but I thought we could have a good life together. I don't want to get divorced, I love my children so much and it would kill me to lose daily contact with them. I want everyone to be happy, but dont know what to do...
2006-11-03 07:25:42 · 18 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Why don't you pick up some flowers after work. Give her a big smooch and tell her you love her. (It's not really about the flowers, it is about her reaction to your kind act) If she is gracious and sweet by your gester, be encouraged b/c the marriage isn't in the ditch yet. If she poo poos or is rude, you are going to have your work cut out for you. But I would say that it is pretty easy to bring a woman around with not all that much effort unless she is just cold as ice. When you talk to her, touch her a lot, like on the knee. Smile at her, flirt with her, just be sweet. It's really the little things that connect people to each other.
Good luck!
2006-11-03 07:40:00 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
Even though you sound sincere, this post kills me! NOW you want to reconnect with your wife. Why now? Is it because you know you have lost her? Why in the world do men whine and complain after the fact? You should have not have detached from her in the first place.
Examine in the past if she tried to talk to you about a marriage problem.
. During her "biting your head off for no reason" (yeah right) to get your attention--did you just sit there with the remote control or roll over annoyed on the couch tuning her out thinking she was being a beyotch?
. Did you approach her for "togetherness" as women usually don't want to do the approaching or do you prefer using "Rosie Palmer" for a headache?
. Did you work long hours to avoid coming home so you wouldn't have to deal with working anything out?
. Did you stop telling her she looked nice
. Did you stop kissing her passionately
. Did you stop taking her out
. Did you sleep way over on your side of the bed every night?
. Did you take vacations without her with the golf buddies
. Did you stop talking/communicating with her to where she had to talk to herself
. Did you spend too much time in the yard on your day off from work to avoid dealing with the situation
etc?
If you have been neglectful when she has begged, cried, and told you she wished you would pay attention to her for years (and you didn't), then my guess is that you have lost her. The next step is basically out the door (sorry). Have a glass of scotch with the guy below because I think he has taken a cruise in your boat. Cheers!
p.s. being "loyal" means more than just "not cheating."
2006-11-03 07:57:24 · answer #2 · answered by shelly 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It sounds like your wife has already given up and has sort of shut herself off from your life and as even a married couple.
You can try seeing someone togther.
But, if you only want to make it work for the kids that's not right... Do you even love her anymore? You haven't said that at all and all I feel is you just want this kids to be in your life.
Let it be known that the kids are the world to you and you'd do anything for them to stay in your life.. If you keep the kids or she does..
But, the marriage isn't going to work out if she's already sleeping in another room and won't even try and do anything with you i.e. spend time or even sleep in the same room.
Good Luck!
2006-11-03 07:31:29 · answer #3 · answered by TashaLynn 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm sorry but you sounded like you both started off on the wrong foot than took a wrong turn. It sounds like she's not interested in helping the situation.
Suggest a marriage counselor, see what she says. If she's not interested than ask her for a divorce, see if you hit the right key here, if so, pursue it. It would probably be better for the kids and you all the way around instead of fighting all the time. You both could get on with you life and start over while your young.
2006-11-03 08:04:43 · answer #4 · answered by cowboydoc 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I feel your hurt. It is good that you have put some effort to change. I suggest that you give your life to God and allow Him to teach you about your marriage. He is willing to help you since you have decided to change. God sees your hurt and He is there. Once you start your new found faith in the Lord and your wife sees your change God will began touching her heart to be saved as well. No God does not want your marriage to end and He wants to help you get your marriage back on track in Him. Your children are a gift from God and He design that both parents raise them in the Lord. As you seek the Lord you will find out a lot that pertains to how the marriage is to work and on the children. After you accept the Lord as your personal Savior find you a good church to attend and start going with the kids. Read your Word daily and let God change you even more and watch your wife come full force to the Lord. Now to give up if you don't see changes overnight, a person must want to change and it takes time for change so be patient. God bless you.
2006-11-03 07:45:29 · answer #5 · answered by tfjfiggers 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Actions speak louder than words! Start acting like you want your family and marriage and she will see it. It may not seem right that one person has to put forth the effort more than the other, but if you really want it, you will do it.
Be kind and affectionate to her. Hire a sitter and take her out on "dates". If there are errands to be done, go with her. If she's watching TV, go sit next to her and share it with her. Most of us women just want your time. Give it to her.
Good luck.
2006-11-03 07:34:24 · answer #6 · answered by Royalhinney 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
sounds like you have to start communicating all over again. I suggest alone time together and i dont mean in your neighbourhood or the local dinner joint.
This is the plan; take the kids to trusted relative, get two tickets and jet off to some place, talk, have dinner, movies, walk on the beach, and tell her how much you appreciate her and the kids, etc, etc and just start talking.
Good luck.
2006-11-03 07:54:52 · answer #7 · answered by reene2g 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Send the kids to a babysitter or to grandma house and take her out of a nice dinner. After dinner tell her you feel that yall need to talk. Go someplace where you can be alone(not back to your house) and tell her what you told everyone here. If she wants it to work she will try with you. If not there is not a lot you can do.
2006-11-03 07:40:45 · answer #8 · answered by irishlady 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Dealing with someone who has walls up can be difficult indeed.
Try visiting www.doctorpaul.net and just work on yourself. If she isn't willing then she isn't, but don't put up with her treating you with disrespect.
Especially in front of the kids.
Doesn't mean you yell at her, but firmly tell her you don't put up with disrespect.
It's tough, good luck!
2006-11-03 08:00:13 · answer #9 · answered by adrian_biccum 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Take her out to a romantic dinner, talk to her and tell her that you love her and the kids and how you dont want lose what you have. Sometimes reinforcement helps! Marriage is working things through good and bad!
2006-11-03 07:45:45 · answer #10 · answered by Yasmin76 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋