We have been together for 3 years almost to the day we got married. Just got hitched in April, it seems like every week something happens to set one of us off. We blow up at each other for an evening and then end up not talking to each other for days. (I'm a 9-5'er, he works 2nd shift so we dont see each other a lot anyways) The thing is that we were fine before we got married, we were loving and listened to each other. Now it is hard to even get through a weekend without something happening. Is it a bad sign that we may need counceling already??? We are newlyweds, isnt life supposed to be bliss, chasing each other around, giggling, romance? I feel like we are an old married couple that can barely stand each other.
2006-11-03 07:06:53 · 24 answers · asked by Shannon M 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
It takes a lot of adjustment and an open mind to get comfortable in this newly found marriage. Counselling may be an option but good honest and open communication between you both is the best form of counselling available, and a lot cheaper. I remember the minister at my wedding telling us that the four most important issues that people fight over after marriage is:
1 - communication
2 - money
3 - sex
4 - communication.
It was explained that communication was listed twice because of it's importance. Wish you were right that as newlyweds your life is to be blissful, chasing each other around, giggling and full of romance. But the sad truth is that most of the time the two years are the toughest and then you get to realize more clearly each others frailties etc. and things begin to improve.
2006-11-03 07:16:25 · answer #1 · answered by crazylegs 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Firstly, my husband and I are, I guess, an old married couple as we have been married over 17 years, and knew each other for three before that. HOWEVER, we are more in love and in lust than we have ever been! Things are absolutely wonderful, so please don't generalize.
So, you haven't been married long and the probs have started. I think if you look back to when you were dating, things weren't really rosy, it was just your "in love" eyes seeing things. Problems such as this just don't start because you got married. Sure, being newlyweds was lots of fun for us because we had a wonderful, mature relationship and learned to work well through difficult times when we first got married. Remember one thing about arguing - it's rarely the "thing" you are arguing about which is the problem, it is usually an underlying issue. One of you may be resentful, one may be jealous, one may feel taken for granted - but the fights are about who left their gauch on the floor!
You may not need counselling yet, but you two better get your act together and do some serious talking with honesty.
2006-11-03 07:14:46 · answer #2 · answered by Lydia 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
marriage is suppose to be hard for the first 7 or 10 yrs or your life.
I've been married a yr now and we've had fights now and then.
But, I love him know matter what goes on and what is said..
This is the yr your suppose to see the bad side of the person you marry and think about "wow, i remember when he was sweet" and he still can be... but, really don't let the fights get ya down.
I've had my moment's of tears and pain and I've had my laughter and so forth.
It's something new for both of you and it's not gonna be giggles and romance it's gonna be fights and throwing shoes arcoss the room.
Just remember you love this guy and you both choose one another for life... So, talk with him about what gone on and let him know that you do love him and your sorry for the fights that you both have.. Hopefully he'll be a big boy about it all and say sorry also.
If not then you both need to really sit down and have a heart to heart about this marriage you both have together.
The other thing is you both need some time together where you both can get out of work and spend a night together going to dinnner or staying in and watching a movie together.. Do something fun or something you both love together.
You both hardly have time ta just slow down and take a breath and see one another for what you both really are and that's two people in love with one another.
Make time it will help you out... Don't just stay in when you make these lil date night go out and have fun also.
God Bless!
2006-11-03 07:37:23 · answer #3 · answered by TashaLynn 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Don't worry too much. I think it's normal for newlyweds to have arguments, especially when you're starting out on life together. Me and my Husband fought really bad during our first year of marriage but here we are today 3 years later (like you)!!! Marriage is a blessing but it also involves alot of hard work and effort. Perhaps, you and your Husband need to go on a date together to re-group and rekindle the sparks. You can also try to bring up some concerns you may have regarding your marriage without starting an argument, if possible. Be a team and make it work. Love, respect and appreciate one another and always to try to keep the communication flowing. Good Luck!!!
2006-11-03 07:23:56 · answer #4 · answered by Yahoo Anwers 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, it is not a good sign, it was fun before marraige and you could open up and talk because there was no real commitment. I mean you weren't married and now having to share responsibility's. It also means that you two have taken vows together and that you are bound together for however long so that maybe stressing the 2 of you out a bit, it is sometimes hard for people to accept the fact that that bond is so great now. I would suggest counseling and getting help, or this marraige is not going to last to long and you are going to lose a friend a lover and your husband.
2006-11-03 07:14:32 · answer #5 · answered by melissa052572 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Becoming a married couple can be a lot to adjust to. You are both figuring out how to live together. Each of you needs to concentrate on listening to each other. Whenever you feel like blowing up - take a deep breath and if you need to walk way than do so - it's better than saying something you'll later regret. Counseling is not a bad idea. It's better to fix the problem before it gets worse. Good luck and God Bless.
2006-11-03 07:26:31 · answer #6 · answered by GingerGirl 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You planned a baby with a part time boyfriend of only a year you weren't married to, when you are already a single mother of 2? No offense, but what the holy hell were you thinking? That is just dumb. Then you married him without ever living together, you are taking your children away from their father by moving out of state.... This whole thing is just a train wreck. My advice, stop having children for now, get into marriage counseling with your husband and move in with him at the very least.
2016-03-19 03:08:38 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I've heard from many people that the first year of marriage is the hardest. So don't give up and learn a way to communicate with your husband. Sit down with him and talk about why you both get so mad and how you can fix it. If you can't, try counseling. Good luck.
2006-11-03 07:13:16 · answer #8 · answered by BellaRia 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
we are not married but we have been together for 9 years now. we have hit some roadbumps along the way but we never gave up. one obvious problem is your guy's work schedules. they are almost opposite. so when you guys do see each other one of you is fresh and the other is worn out or stressed from a long day. you guys should talk about changing your schedule to spend more time together. you should also get counseling.
2006-11-03 07:24:45 · answer #9 · answered by southca49er 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
well that all depends did you guys live together prior to the marriage? and have either of you just took the whole marriage over board. like exspect too much. I know that myself and my husband have been together for 6yrs and been married for 1yr and we lived together prior to the marriage and when we did get married it was nothing serious. i mean it didn't change our feelings for each other are make our relationship any more special because to us marriage is just a piece of paper. maybe you guys weren't happy from the begining and didn't notice cause you guys didn't live together... good luck and try counseling befor divorce....
2006-11-03 07:16:03 · answer #10 · answered by juicy 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋