How have you made your friends?

Question

Has it generally been an organic process, letting the friendship grow unhelped & unhindered out of whatever situation & interaction existed anyway?

Or have you cultivated your friends more deliberately, seeking out individuals you think you'd like and intentionally starting conversations, & arranging to meet, etc.

Or has it varied?

Also, how would you characterize the quality & quantity of your friendships?

Just a poll. Not looking for advice. Share interesting details as you wish.

Dustin - I must hide my true identity in order to protect my loved ones from my enemies. Duh!

My own friends have been few and mostly organic. The vast majority have been "school friends" and later "work friends." My wife is much the same and we were lucky to meet. (I flamed her in a newsgroup.) Other than her I don't think I really have any now. We'd both like to have more friends - and the time to have them.

Lots of good answers here, and I think there's something to be taken from all of them (save perhaps the friend buyers. Obviously joking, but if it's masking real pain take a look at the other answers for some guidance guys.)

I'm putting it up for a vote. I suggest voting for the answer from which you learned the most.

I thank you all.

Answer 1

by being friendly.

Answer 2

I would say the majority of my friends have been obtained through school (in my youth) and a work situation (as an adult).

I don't believe I have ever "sought out" a friendship with anyone in particular. I think my friendships have just happened.

As a kid and early adult, I had a ton of friends (quantity). As I have gotten older that number has diminished, but the friendships have become more meaningful (quality).

Good question!

Answer 3

The fast answer is loooooong and slow.. I never tried to actively "cultivate" a friendship, because I think that would involve a certain amount of artificiality and at a certain level deceptiveness because it means you would be modifying your own normal personality, attitude and behaviours to match what you think would better impress that other person.
Nor would I, or ever have, gone "looking for" people to make friends with. You meet people in the ordinary everyday circumstances of life, and I think you have a kind of built-in "buzzer of recognition" that goes off when you run into someone with whom you feel unusually comfortable, and who seems to be right on your wavelength. When that other person clicks with you too, you have what you might call the "conception" of a friendship which, just as happens with a successful marriage, grows, matures and mellows with time.

When I think of the quality of friendship, I am reminded of that speech given by Portia in The Merchant of Venice" where she says "The quality of mercy is not strain'd but droppeth as the gentle dew of heaven upon the earth beneath". That type of f riendship is embodied in the kind of connection with that other individual which you can't measure in terms of the five senses.. - how often you see that person, enjoy mutual social events, how many gifts do you e xchange that kind of thing. Its mental. It's a "comfortable understanding" It's a "knowing" And that takes time, as a fine wine takes time to mature.
As for quantity, I don't think you can ever define yourself by how many "friends" you have. I absolutely concur with the wise person who once said that "real friends are few. It is acquaintances that you have plenty of"
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I have friends in other countries where I had lived for a time and established that kind of "quality friendship" We remain in touch, writing three or four times a year. We know we will almost certainly never meet again. But the link is forged and the bond will not be broken, and if, by some totally unexpected miracle, they ever made their way to my doorstep, or I to theirs, we would pick up where we left off as if it had been only yesterday.
I always remember what I heard quoted one time on the long slow maturing of a friendship: "If you have known me five years you can call me in the middle of the night. If we have known one another 10 years, you may open my refrigerator, and after fifteen years, you may kiss my wife LOL.

Answer 4

The few friends I have in real-life began at random, then I intentionally cultivated those I really liked.

Answer 5

Most of my buddies are from the same sport. I am a surfer and we tend to hang out and form close bonds. Both the guys and us girls feel we share a special life on the waves.

Answer 6

Dashing Good looks Razor Sharp Wit and Perfect teeth.

I will let you know if This works so far My mom thinks I'm a catch

Answer 7

I met my best friend when we were young. She was best friends with my husband's sister who hated me, she couldn't understand why she hated me and became my friend and ditched my sister-in-law. I've met most of my other friends at various places I've worked over the years and my newest friend on the internet. We chatted in a game room and she happened to know my exhusband's family and lived near them 3 states away from me!

Answer 8

I think its a varied thing....in my life time there are people I have unexpectedly became close to and then there are people I thought I would be good friends with and the relationship dwindle on its on

Answer 9

A little of both. It takes me a certain amount of "attraction" (not physical) to become friends with someone. I guess I just get a feeling that I would get along with someone and I act on that.

Answer 10

By just being myself.

I don't discriminate. I talk to everyone. I enjoy making people smile and laugh aswell. I guess it makes me feel good to put a smile on peoples faces.

Us STAYING friends depends. If you can respect me and my values then we can stay friends.. if not you GOTTA go cause i don't need peeps like that chillin' with me. I have enough problems.

Answer 11

The thruth most of my friedships have grown narurally, beacuse we're neighbor, classmates of the university... Some, I've known them at the bus