What shall I do? Mostly because I'm not allowed out and I'm not allowed friends except those allocated by my bf. I know, I had so many people saying to me, split up with him, at work, here, everywhere but I'm so scared. I've moved out before but been manipulated into moving back. I guess I'll carry on hanging around but is there anything that could cheer me up? I don't do drugs btw.!
2006-11-03 06:49:07 · 22 answers · asked by little_friend 3 in Social Science ➔ Psychology
Karl I'm not joking.
And I'm not really allowed friends and definitely not male ones!
2006-11-03 06:53:35 · update #1
To be honest you answered your own question...I was in a similar relationship a few years ago, i was one of the girls life and soul of the party, he came along slowly pulled me away from my mates then we moved away because he wanted to, eventually he persuaded me to leave work because he could afford for me not to work and made me feel so bad for working...in the end i got my self so depressed i put on loads of weight because all i was doing was cleaning the flat and eating!!!....one day i thought to my self this is all i have i cant live like this i want to have fun again and enjoy being me, so after at least 10 attempt to pack my bags i did it.....my parents took me back open arms i( i didnt stay long!!!) got my old job back got my own place and i have never been happier.
But you have to want to do it or you will keep going back, do it for yourself not for anyone else.
Good Luck!!! Smile at least once everyday and you will get there!!
2006-11-03 06:59:39 · answer #1 · answered by sam y 2 · 2⤊ 1⤋
I'm really sorry to hear this. I need to tell you right out:
1) It sounds like you're in an abusive relationship. A relationship which is so controlling that you are not allowed friends, in which you know you are manipulated, and which you afraid to leave is, by definition, unhealthy.
2) Of course you are depressed! You live with an abusive man. I'll bet that you feel that you are walking on eggshells all the time because you are afraid of what you will do "wrong" next.
3) You are at risk. Men who behave this way have a greatly elevated chance of behaving violently towards their partner. 1 in 4 women experiences domestic violence at the hands of a partner/ex partner.
4) It's hard to leave. I have worked with both victims and perpetrators of domestic violence and other forms of abuse, and I know how very hard it is to leave such a relationship, especially if you are not "allowed" out. But you work, which is great, you can find support there, and there is also support and help available online or by telephone (see sources). The online ones allow you ways to look at their sites without leaving any traces that you went there.
5) FInally, I don't know you, but I know and believe that you are worth more than this relationship, because any and everyone deserves to be in a relationship where they are treated with dignity, respect and love. I'm sad to hear that you don't yet believe that you deserve this, and send you warm wishes that you come to realise it soon.
2006-11-04 22:55:49 · answer #2 · answered by purplepadma 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well since you added the BTW, that option is out. You really have already answered your own question when you state others have told you split up with him and that you are scared and that you were manipulated into moving back.
Don't know you, have no idea if this is truth of false. However it is true, and this is the way life is for you. I have to ask you..do you love yourself? I don't believe you do if your are willingly staying in a horrible situation like this. Sounds like you are with a mate that is terribly insecure and holds you like a trophy instead of a companion.
Please listen to yourself....pleaseeee...before it is too late. If he doesn't allow you to make your own choices like who you will be friends with...I bet there is a lot more to this story and if there isn't yet....do really expect this behavior to change or get better?
Read your question again, look inside your heart and follow it. Love yourself and do the right thing. Can't tell you what to do..because I am not you.
2006-11-03 06:56:31 · answer #3 · answered by shrm 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋
I am so sorry to hear that you are feeling miserable. Remember...You are in control of your life. No one else is. If you are spiritual, remember God is in control.
It sounds like your BF needs help. This is a sign of insecurity on his end. I am scared that his behavior will lead to physical abuse (jf it has not happened already). The only thing that will cheer you up is living a life that you want to live and not anyone else.
This has happened to someone very close to me (a family member). It got so bad that she was miserable and it began affecting the ones she loved.
If you are afraid to leave, get help. Seek help in your local area, I am sure there are other people in a similar situation. You are not alone! Also, Think about what is making you go back to him. He is not your father. How can he tell you what to do. You are not any ones property and you are definitely not a slave!
I really wish the best for you. Good luck!
2006-11-03 07:05:54 · answer #4 · answered by prettychestnuteyes 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Break up and completely cut off contact with this guy. He's obviously not good for you. Think about it; do you really need this guy? He manipulates you into coming back because HE needs YOU, not the other way around. How many women besides you would he have fawning over him with the way he treats women? Next to none. The only way to "cheer up" is to eliminate you're biggest problem: your man. There are other fish in the sea, as the saying goes.
2006-11-03 07:03:31 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
Why are you allowing another person to control your life? You are in control of that. What if you had a daughter in the same situation, what would you do? What would you say? You need to make some decisions about your life before you end up being a severely battered woman. Don't you know how to stand up for yourself? Cheer yourself up by not settling for less. Don't be a weakling all your life. Stand up! Be a strong woman for those who may look up to you.
2006-11-03 06:55:07 · answer #6 · answered by uneekqamar2004 4 · 2⤊ 1⤋
Listening to people`s opinion is fine but you have your own free will and intellect to choose right from wrong... what do you think is best for you? Would you like to be forever limited of your own will and freedom? Where is your rights then? You are not a robot are you not? Nobody can decide for you and certainly no one can hold you against your will, not unless you let the person controls you.
2006-11-03 08:16:29 · answer #7 · answered by geieyoung 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You have 2 choices. Stay miserable and live in fear or get out and start a better life.
Neither choice is an easy one, but the ultimate decision is yours and yours alone, and in the end if you allow someone to treat you that way then there's nothing anyone can do about it. Put yourself first.
2006-11-03 06:58:39 · answer #8 · answered by always_cookin 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Do what you feel you have to. I say you jump off the high board, stare down the barrle of the gun, pee into the wind (a little frineds joke). Look what you should do is what you eed to. I might not be giveing much info but if you want to split up with your boyfrind, then go for it. If you want to go out, go on out. You dont need his permission. Like i said. Do what you need to do. If you want a frined im a great E-mail buddy ;). But really go out, have fun, go on chat rooms who cares its your life.
Hope this helps you a lot ;)
(Oh and incase you are wondering. If i was stearing down the barrle of the gun i would pretty much be peeing everywhere. Unless it wasnt loaded).
2006-11-03 07:01:55 · answer #9 · answered by Time is nigh 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
since you are DETERMINED to stay with someone you KNOW is not right for you.
going to plan be is an HONEST move on your part. you've basically acknowledged to yourself AND those that love & care about you that: you are NOT worth anything. that YOU do NOT DESERVE better. that YOU have to SETTLE for less.
but since YOU have ACCEPTED you are a door mat for this person. you have decided to ask: so how to i live with the BAD CHOICE i have made.
one option is to find something that YOU really enjoy... no matter how small. reading.. listening to music... taking soothing baths after a trying day. cooking. something. anything that MAKE YOU HAPPY with help ease the stress of the relationship. view it like an oasis is a VERY BARREN desert. jessica
2006-11-03 06:58:28 · answer #10 · answered by bi2unicorn 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋