I have said "please don't take offense" (now a taboo phrase in my books) as the beginning of a perfectly peaceful conversation. But no matter how respectful and supportive I am, people immediately take offense. Oftentimes before I even mention the object of that reference or elaborate any further, people assume that they are to be offended by really off-the-wall things that I never said, implied, or thought about before.
Example: Talking about something which has been bothering me, I begin in a respectful manner with the words, "Please don't take offense.." then I see an offended look from my audience, and I am interrupted with, "You jerk .. You think I look fat .. I see it in your eyes." Or something like that; surprise!
Why do people make up reasons to be offended before I give any reason for offense or have a chance to say anything at all after the simple, respectful phrase, "please don't take offense?" or blow-up small things before I even get to the meat?
2006-11-03 05:58:52 · 13 answers · asked by Andy 4 in Society & Culture ➔ Other - Society & Culture
I love you guys! What excellent answers. This is the perfect forum for understanding things like this which have puzzled me for a very long time. Please keep the insight coming, because I'm compiling all this together to get a more comprehensive understanding of it. I only wish that Yahoo Answers allowed me to select multiple answers as my composite Best Answer. Thank you so much.
2006-11-03 08:29:41 · update #1
The answer is simple: reverse psychology. It's the same principle as telling yourself over and over "Don't screw up." Your brain registers only the "screw up" part and--you guessed it--you screw up.
The words "please don't take offense" trigger a defense mechanism in the brain of the hearer. The person becomes predisposed to defend himself against whatever comes next.
In other words, it's not necessarily you--human nature plays a big part.
2006-11-03 06:24:34 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Honestly, just because a person has a education or is a genius doesn't mean they don't have a chemical imbalance. Some go undetected forever like depression for example. Anyway, i think that usually when people say " please don't take offense" they usually follow by something that is referering to the person in a personal way. But, your saying you haven't even had the chance to say anything else cause they interrupted you. lol sounds crazy to me lmao. Crazy that they would do that i mean. They have issues mentally. i think many things are factors for their negative response such as #1 to me is .......they have a complex about something.......what they were doing before they arrived there, is there any music playing before the speech u give?.....does anyone speak before you?........are they just miserable and want attention because they aren't getting it at their own home.......were there any appetizers for them? I could just go on & on.
Well i personally really enjoy public speaking.
Good Luck to you hun.
2006-11-03 06:19:19 · answer #2 · answered by Thebronx 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
If you feel you have to start a comment with those words, you should question what you are saying. You are clearly recognizing that what you are about to say is offensive, you just don't want them to be offended. That's asking quite a bit of someone you are offending.
If you have to start a sentence with that, best to just not say it alltogether.
2006-11-03 06:12:00 · answer #3 · answered by misskate12001 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Because you are making them think of 'offense', so they are going to automatically look for any way to be offended by what you say.
2006-11-03 06:08:14 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Because it is such an obvious cover for "This is going to be really offensive, but I can't be bothered to think of another way of saying it"
2006-11-03 06:10:18 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
because people think if they say "no offense" they can say what ever they want because they in a way warned the other person by telling them no offense. the irony in that is funny to me!!
2006-11-03 06:11:41 · answer #6 · answered by collegechick 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I think because people Feel like if you have to say that then you shouldn't be saying what ever your trying to talk about to them.
2006-11-03 06:11:44 · answer #7 · answered by Slim504 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Because this is a pretext to really offend the readers of this sight.
2006-11-03 06:12:04 · answer #8 · answered by stick man 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
It's an excuse for someone to offend someone and get away with it.
2006-11-03 06:11:24 · answer #9 · answered by ~∂Їβ~ 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Because saying "please don't take offense" implies that you are about to say a potentially offensive thing. So please tend to prepare themselves or to defend themselves.
It's like saying "I don't think you are fat, but if you lost 50 lbs you would be hot!".
2006-11-03 06:08:51 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋