Should I consider it as molestation ?

Question

I was around 9 year old , when a close family friend use to take advantage of me by taking off my pants and pretend it to be some kind of joke and then tickle me on genitals. I was not in state to understand this act but use to enjoy it and encourage , i think as a kid i had this eagerness to explore my body which led me to enjoy it even more. I even started doing similar things to him and now when I look back I feel disgusted and ashamed. I ask this to myself every time that was it molestation or not because I actively participated in this act but I was not mature enough to understand so there is this doubt and confusion, if I can accept it as molestation then i can at least stop blaming myself for messing my life.

I was around 9 year old , when a close adult family friend use to take advantage of me by taking off my pants and pretend it to be some kind of joke and then tickle me on genitals. I was not in state to understand this act but use to enjoy it and encourage , i think as a kid i had this eagerness to explore my body which led me to enjoy it even more. I even started doing similar things to him and now when I look back I feel disgusted and ashamed. I ask this to myself every time that was it molestation or not because I actively participated in this act but I was not mature enough to understand so there is this doubt and confusion, if I can accept it as molestation then i can at least stop blaming myself for messing my life.

Answer 1

Yes, it was molestation. You don't have to blame yourself because you were too young to realise what was happening. Even if you enjoyed it, don't feel guilty because people who molest children suceed in molesting only due to their ability to make it enjoyable. They are expert at making you feel comfortable with them. Being molested in childhood and living with that fact for the rest of your life can be very painful.

I can understand your state of mind. But you must forgive yourself and free yourself from this guilty feeling. Be comfortable with your body and your sexuality. There is no need to live with that confusion. I know that it can be haunting, but whatever happened was past and it was not your fault.

Most importantly, don't make that incident a part of your personality and history. You should stop repeating this story in your mind and your brain will make it less important. Our brain strongly remembers things that we consider most important. For example, if you repeat a lie several times, your brain will soon forget that it is actually a 'lie' and it gets recorded in your memory as a fact. In your case, you are strugling with a painful fact. So, try not to pay any heed to it.

Dear, you must become stronger and happier. Think of it in this way; there are many children in this world who die due to lack of food and don't even have clean water to drink. There are children who have diseases or disabilities. Many children get sold in trafficking and get abused or even killed. Imagine what their life must be. This world is far more cruel and corrupt.

Just forgive yourself and believe in god. Trust me, you must accept yourself and embrace your soul. Otherwise, you'll be lonely in this forlorn world. Get rid of all the stress. Learn something new, do something creative, find a hobby, love a pet or a plant, start a blog if you like, and start meditation.

Life is like a highway.
Stop. Revive.Survive

Bless you.&
Cheers

Answer 2

Yes it is considered molestation if the person was old enough to know better. If the other person was young like you then it could be exploration. But when an older person is involved they know not to do that. Do not blame yourself for your feelings of enjoyment, or wanting to explore to. Most young victims have a sense of pleasure, it is just the way the body works. A 4 year old girl will sit on the arm of a chair or a bike seat and feel pleasure, but she doesn't understand it. Do not blame yourself, or feel ashamed.

Answer 3

How old was the "close family friend"? If the person was also a child around your age then I would say it is the natural curiosity of children to explore their bodies.

If the "friend" was older or was an adult and knew better; then I would say it could be considered molestation.

Look this is not something for you to get yourself into a quandary over. Feeling guilty because you were an innocent child who was manipulated is just not right. I hope you will not keep castigating yourself over something that happened to you as a child. Children have an innate sexual drive and sexual curiosity. We used to call it "playing doctor" in the old days.

Freud's field of psychological study was mainly based on the the innate sexual desires of humans from infancy and his theory of sexual molestation may be of interest to you.

http://skeptically.org/minther/id4.html

Have to tell you today I get really concerned about all this molestation and child abduction/rape/murder, etc. on TV and in the media, because we are setting our children up for intense psychological problems later in their lives: even if none of this ever happens to them; they feel guilty by association for repressed sexual thoughts and natural reflexes to sexual stimulus.

If it was molestation then the statute of limitations has run out on your being able to get some legal recourse this problem.

If it was or was not molestation and you are obsessing over the situation then you need to get some professional help.

This is not your fault. You are not the guilty party: you were an innocent child reacting to some stimulus that felt good: that is all.

Answer 4

Sounds like this was awhile ago. First I want you to NOT feel ashamed. Next I want you to know it was NOT your fault. The thing is that when we are kids, not all bad things feel bad....lol I think that is pretty true all our lives actually. Whom ever that was was in the wrong and was taking advantage of you. It is in the past now and I want you to let it go and fogive yourself. You were innocent and it just felt good and was probably even fun. You are lucky. Many times the molestor doesnt care if it is fun for the victim and they enjoy hurting them. No matter what though, you were molested. Stay away from that person and keep them away from your kids. It is never too late to report abuse. :) Good Luck Dear and no more tears.

Answer 5

According to a website that I cite below, these are the basic facts about molestation:

A child molester is any older child or adult who touches a child for his or her own sexual gratification.

Child molestation is the act of sexually touching a child.

A child is a girl or boy who is 13 years of age or younger.

In your case, since this was between an adult and a 9 year-old, it was child molestation. You are not guilty of anything, even if you "actively participated in this act". Please stop blaming yourself. Be at peace. Forgive this person. If this person is still doing those things to other children, then report him/her.

Answer 6

Yes, you were definitely molested. You were underage and whether or not you enjoyed it or encouraged it you were too young to be responsible. Do not carry the guilt for this. This guilt belongs to the person that molested you. You have nothing to be ashamed of. Forgive yourself and be happy.

I would, however, see about reporting this person to the authorities. At the very least, let your family (friends and others that know this person) know what happened to you. They have a right to know so that they can protect themselves and their loved ones from this person. This may be very difficult for you to do so I would also seek counseling . Good luck.

Answer 7

First of all lets get this out of the way - YES IT WAS! This person is a sick freak. You had nothing to do with this. You were a child - a child- and didn't know any better. You weren't big enough to defend yourself. He totally took advantage of you. You have to forgive yourself so you can build up your life. However, you can't use this as a crutch and say this is why my life is a mess. You are an adult now and totally responsible for your life. Have you ever considered counseling to get past this? I think you should. Instead of using this to say why your life is messed up - use this experience to help other children who have gone through the same thing.

Answer 8

there is not any longer a lot doubt on the subject of the question of molestation, in spite of the indisputable fact that I could desire to make sparkling that if the extra youthful cousin replaced into inviting the incident, then the impression or seriousness could be lessened incredibly. additionally in the event that they are close in age (adulthood smart) and there replaced into no coercion of any type, returned molestation is a harsh be conscious to describe sexual touching. it incredibly is incestuous intercourse in spite of no remember if or no longer abuse got here approximately. As you have pronounced the info, it does sound like the older cousin replaced into the aggressor, yet that possibly in basic terms of ways your question replaced into worded. ohhh hell, i think i'm able to't be sure with out extra, it sounds like it nevertheless. Sorry, and that i do wish that all and sundry are mentally and bodily wholesome, as all of us know, each and every from time to time the reactions of the kinfolk and government could be extra unfavorable than the form.

Answer 9

This is a classic case of molestation and reaction. You couldn't help enjoying it because it felt good -- this is why you now feel guilty. This is normal.

I have found some sites that will offer some incite to your situation. I hope you read them.
There are places that you can go that will help you work through your issues, I recommend on you going there. Check for local counseling service that center around your issues, people with a masters in social work called a LCSW, or your local YWCA. People with a masters in social work are very trained in helping you through your issues. The YWCA is a great place for either counseling or advising on resources to help you.

Good luck in your healing of mind and body.

After reading some of the comments, don't listen to **chcuda9**. It would not surprise me if this person is a pedophile and tries to excuse the abusive behavior.

Answer 10

Yes, that was definitely molestation, and you should not blame yourself for it.

The family 'friend' was scum. Not only was he preying on an innocent child, but he was despicable enough to guise the molestation as a game so you wouldn't report it to your parents.

None of this was your fault. NONE of it.

You shouldn't have to harbour any guilt, doubt, or confusion from this. I strongly suggest you seek professional counseling to help you sort your emotions, and to hopefully reassure you that you did not mess up your life.