Cover letter help again. Please read?

Question

Dear Sir
On a job search website I learned that the company needs a Part-time Resident Concierge. I am a full time sophomore working towards a bachelor’s degree in Hospitality Management. As of right now I attend Coastal Carolina University in Conway South Carolina, but I am looking to relocate because I need a change of scenery.

I have been working for about a year in a half in the hospitality industry. My experience is mainly in the Food and Beverage sector of the hospitality industry, but I am willing and ready to learn and experience the other sectors of the industry as well. I realize that I have a lot of knowledge and experience to gain about the industry and I am willing to work hard and learn all that I can. Working as a resident concierge would be like working at a hotel except its an apartment complex. This would be a wonderful opportunity for me. My goal is to work for a company that has a respectable reputation as Archstone Smith’s.

I look forward to discussing the part time resident concierge opportunity and thank you very much for your time and consideration.

Sincerely,
Katrice Hudson

Thanks everybody I took everybodys suggestions!

Answer 1

Never open with "Dear Sir"

Get the name of the person to whom you are writing.

Dear Mr. Jones:

Which job search website? Be specific.
Which company? Either put "your company" or include the company name.

"I am a full-time student attending Coastal Carolina University working towards a bachelor's degree in Hospitality Management."

The middle section is far too long. Cut it up. It's also incredibly repetitive.

"Working in the hospitality industry for over a year, I have ...managed? Increased? Etc..."

Basically, you're not telling them why they should hire you, which is what you need to do. You are telling them ABOUT you and what you are looking for. They don't care about that--they just care why you would be an asset to their company.

You need to relook at it--do not try to butter them up, and you need to make this cover letter POP above all the other cover letters.

Answer 2

This is what I would write:

To Mr or Miss something:

I am interested in applying for the position of Part-Time Resident Concierge as advertised at the job search website. My education and experience fit the job description.

I am currently enrolling a hospitality management problem to obtain a bachelor degree in Costal Carolina University. However, I am willing to relocate to match my job requirement.

As for job experience, I am...........etc etc etc, you know what I mean??

Also, at the end, you need to put your contact number. You wrote that you look forward to discuss the employment but you didn't leave a number.

Answer 3

Excellent! This is really good and i am sure the company will be willing to sign you up. They might want to know if you are interested in the part-time position or you are still in for full time. You might also want to make it known that you have enough experience in the job being advertise not to tell them you are seeking opportunity to learn from them. Companies will only pay you if they know that they will benefit from your services even if they have train you.

Now the next thing is to dress smart and wait for your turn on the interview. You should definitely get this job. Give me a shout when all goes well. Good luck Katrice!

Answer 4

Too much information for a cover letter. Your resume should speak for itself and the cover letter just an intro. If you get the interview, the other stuff can be covered then.

I am currently seeking a position within the hospitality industry and am willing to relocate. I am currently a sophomore at the Coastal Carolina University taking classes to enable me to graduate with a Bachelor of Science degree with a major in Hospitality Management. I possess 18 months experience being employed as a [job title] in the food and beverage sector. For your review and consideration, I have enclosed a copy of my resume. After you have had an opportunity to review my resume, please contact me at [your phone number] to arranged for a convenient time for me to come to your office for an interview.

Very truly yours,

Answer 5

It looks good, kind of long...

The one key thing that may put this in the trash before he reads the first line is Dear Sir. Find his name, if not listed anywhere, then call the company and ask who is the person that will be getting this letter. Say Dear Mr. (last name)

Answer 6

im sorry to allow you know yet you're regrettably improper in case you think of babies dont want journey, extraordinarily to get right into a sag affiliated employer. i might get extra journey previously submitting, or in case you rather are set on submitting it now, make your self look extra humble using fact 2 jobs would not enable a lot bragging rights. additionally i might take out the area of what you intend on doing, and that i might upload your height, weight and coloring. Your coloring is like widespread pores and skin coloration. sturdy luc!

Answer 7

Leave out the parts about needing a change of scenery (too personal) and the part about how it's like working as a hotel concierge (they'll be like "duh"). Other than that, sounds good. Good luck.

Answer 8

First off, I think our avatars make a good couple. Secondly, I think you should check out this website, about.com, they have great tips for wirting cover letters. Just type "cover letter" in the search box.

Answer 9

It sounds good, The important thing is to keep the senetences sweet and short and you have dont that.

GOOD LUCK

Answer 10

too many "I"s needs more determination...Y would u be a good cocierge? Who r u ??? Personality, why ur easy going...how determined are u to please ur client?

It's not selling to me. There is computition and i need u to stand OUT!!