what would you do if you faund out your 15 year old daughter is having sex?

Question

two days ago i found empty condom rappers in my daughter packback i i confronter her about it and she said yes mom i am having sex, me and my daughter are closed so am so hurt i can't stop crying, please help.

Answer 1

THe best thing for you to do right now is to make an appointment with an OB/GYN to have your daughter evaluated. If you ask them to do so, the OB/GYN can counsel your daughter about her choice, the risks involved, and how it can affect her future. If you are really concerned about pregnancy, ask them if they can get you in touch with a tennage mom who would be willing to share her experience with your daughter. Do some research yourself.

Getting upset and crying about it is not going to help either one of you. The thing to do now is to get as much information as you possibly can, sit down with your daughter and talk about her choice, but no matter what, do not make her feel like a bad person for having sex. Just listen to her and let her do the talking. I you react in a violently negative way, she will stop coming to you to talk about things that she needs to talk to you about.

Don't give her advice unless she asks for it. Chances are that she will, but if you give it to her before she asks, she may see it as you being judgemental. The main issue here is to protect your daughter and to maintain your relationship, so that when she has something even bigger to talk about, she won't hestitate to come to you.

Answer 2

How old were you when you first started having sex? How old were your friends? Would you have these same feelings if your 15 year old son were having sex? I think you should stop crying, and feel proud of the fact that your daughter is smart enough to use condoms! Now more than ever you need to talk to her about sex, explain pregnancy, and STDS, as well as the emotional effects sexual activity can have on your life. Perhaps you should even consider taking her to a doctor for birth control, as a BACK UP to condoms ONLY. She didn't try and hide it from you, she was honest and upfront which proves you do have a close relationship. Take advantage of this and talk with her. She probably has questions or concerns and her mother is one of the best people to help her with these. Remember that it's not the end of the world, sex is a totally natural, biological, instinctual occurence. Remember what those teenage hormones were like? I was 15 when I lost my virginity, and I probably would have done it sooner except I was waiting for Mr.Perfect to come along. I know it must be uspetting finding out that your little girl isn't so little anymore, that part of her innocence is lost, but would you feel the same way about a boy? Girls are just as preoccupied about sex as boys are, only society places a stigmitism on women and their sexuality, which is totally unfair, because a lot of women feel ashamed of their sexual urges and impulses. Don't make her feel this way... because it will effect her for the rest of her life.

Answer 3

First things first, calm down. At least you can be proud your daughter has opted to use protection. Maybe she left the wrapper in her backpack on purpose so you could find it? Maybe she did that, because she would like to talk about it with you, maybe she has some questions? This would be a great time to sit down and discuss the situation with your daughter.

You can't prevent her from having sex and if you try, she will probably do it anyways. So don't lock her up in her room forever or anything like that. I would tell her that you disapprove of what she is doing and let her know, now that she has decided to have sex she can NEVER take it back. I would take her to the doctor and make sure she is put on birth control pills.

Is the boy she is having sex with her boyfriend? If so you might want to sit the both of them down together and have a conversation. I know this will be uncomfortable. Also, if this is her boyfriend, you might want to this about talking with his parents about it too. Maybe have a conversation with everyone. Make sure they know the consequences of having sex and ask them what would they do if your daughter got pregnant, etc...if they respond with the famous "I don't know" let them know this is something they need to truly think about. If they are going to have sex they need to be responsible. And part of that is having a plan for what if. If they are prepared for that, then they shouldn't be having sex.

Don't worry, it's not the end of the world, even though it may seem that way. Remember your daughter is probably just as scared as you are. Good Luck!

Answer 4

Despite what you feel tell her although you'd wish she waited to have sex but are proud she showed responsibility by using protection. Good way to open up a conversation and suggesting in addition to a condom she could try the pill, etc. Despite what people say you can not put her on anything she needs to want to take the pill and be made to realize how in addition to a condom offers even better protection. No need for your relationship to change, realize your daughter is not a child and not every teen puts off having sex. This could actually strengthen your relationship and make her feel comfortable talking to you about other subjects, Realize it is her choice to have sex or not and there is nothing you can do to change that, your daughter is human and humans are sexual beings by nature.

Answer 5

I would just be happy she is having safe sex in the first place at least she is smart to do that and has respect for her body. Also i would put her on the pill just in case but make sure she still knows to use a condom for safety reasons with all the stuff going on these days. The only thing you really can do without risking your relationship with her and her rebelling is to let it be. She may just be experimenting but at least it is in a safe manner. Be a friend in this matter so she feels safe to talk to you about this don't giver her hell or she may not open up and you will be even more in the dark 15 is very young but i would at least be proud she was safe about it. I would just educate her and let her feel comfortable about coming to you the more you let it be a bad thing the more she will want to do it.

Answer 6

I have three girls, oldest being thirteen. I have not had to deal with this yet, but I suggest you sit and talk, no tears or blaming anyone, and decide what to do from this day forth. I would put mine on birth control and at least applaud her for using condoms, if nothing else. I realize it is not the greatest news for a mom to hear, but we live in a world so totally different than I was raised in. I am 46. Good luck to the both of you.

Answer 7

I think this is just a sign of our times. Unfortunately alot of girls are having sex at that age but I think you should be proud that your daughter is open to you about it.

I would go through the safe sex stuff with her. The problem with having sex so young is that while they understand all the safe sex stuff they dont seem to REALLY get it. Like Aids or pregnancy wont actually happen to them.

I saw a movie called "Kids" when I was in my teens. The language and subject matter is graphic. but it deals with sex and AIDS in a way that gets teens' attention on the matter. It know it made me think before sex when I was younger. I suggest renting it for her.

Perhaps you can open discussion with your teen about sexual values. I just remember when I was a young teen having sex, I became so easy going about it rather than saving it for that someone special. Just because a guy is willing to have sex with you, by no means requires him to respect you or care if you get pregnant.

I would invest some talk about motherhood as well. When you choose to have sex with someone, birth control or not, you are potentialy making them the father of your child. If they dont have the qualities you would want to pass on to your children, best off to think twice.

Being a parent to a teen is like them rock climbing. You have to let them go out and do it, learn on thier own and just hold that safety rope at all time so that if/when they fall you can be there to ease the fall and catch them. There was definetly some things I was told by my parents about sex and relationships that I ignored and still had to learn the hard way, and that is okay. Just make sure that if she is with a guy who doesnt respect and care for her as much as she thought and winds up hurt, she has a soft place to fall and some good advice to listen to.

Good luck and things will be okay. It can be shocking how fast they actually grow up.

Answer 8

Boy, I have been there. Even though I am sure you are madder than ever, be calm. Take some time to relax, and figure out what do to. You need to talk with your daughter about the person she is having sex with. Also, it is good that she used protection... At least she took precautionary actions. Put her on some kind of brith control. You also need to talk with her about the dangers of having sex, and what can come out of it. I hope this helps a little bit! Good Luck!

Answer 9

id does not mater if you guys are close. Some teens think it is embarassing to talk to the parents about sex. I still think it is embarassing to talk to my mom about sex and I am 24 with two girls and a boy on the way. Just make a plan. Go to the doctor or planned parent hood and get her on birth control. Ask her what she wants. there are alot of forms of birth control. This is a good time to get her on it anyway. At least she is doing it the safe way.

birth control plans:

1. pill
2. patch
3. nuvaring
4. shot
5. condoms
and many more.

don't loose your cool though. just take care of things and love her no matter what, I am sure you will.

Answer 10

Congratulate her on her choice to use contraception and continue to love and support her. I'm not sure why you are hurt - is it because she didn't tell you when she lost her virginity, or is it because she's having sex? At 15 it's hardly uncommon for teens to be having sex and its her choice and business to do so (so long as she's being smart about it). You can still be close with her without having all the details of her sexual activities. In fact, I'd guess that you'll probably be closer with her if you don't push for details - she'll know she can come to you to talk if she wants to rather than because it's being demanded of her.