Is it wrong for me to throw my husband's ex- failures, especially his ex-wife, in his face so much??

Question

see everytime we fight either my ex's or his ex's always come up, mostly his. We have been together for 3 years and married for 2 and i still get intimidated by his ex's especially his ex-wife, and i know i should'nt, but i do. Should i feel intimidated?

Answer 1

The question is do he talk to you about what his exes want? I would ask questions instead of flaring off at times because if he has not shown you any signs that they are still involve it shouldn't be a problem. Do they have children together? If so that could be the conversation. You two should communicate much more than you do so you will feel more comfortable about the visits. I understand the hurt. First you should go to God for answers to your marriage because He made you two and He knows best for you two. God bless you.

Answer 2

yes. What good do you think that could do? I don't know what's causing the fights, or what the underlying issues are between you and your hubby (or his or your exes) but it would be a good idea to let the past go and work on your future together. Bringing up someone's past mistakes just makes them feel inadequate. If you are insecure in some way, try to figure out why and work on that together. (sorry I guess I should clarify something....yes it's wrong to bring up the exes, no you shouldn't feel intimidated) Hope this helps! Just remind yourself of all of the great qualities that you have and don't compare yourself with anyone else.

Answer 3

Can't change the past, but you can learn from it.

Stop bringing this stuff up, it will only make things worse. His ex is his past, you are his present and future. We have all made mistakes and want to leave them behind us, including relationships. Leave his there, and he'll probably do the same for you. Sounds like you guys are just lobbing this crap back and forth to see who can hurt who more. Who ever wins?

If you are intimidated, why? Do you not feel good about yourself? Take a look at the great qualities you have and that's why he chose you! Stop comparing. It's not fair to you or her.

Go kiss him and tell him you want to stop this kind of interaction and when you fight, you'll fight fair. He probably apologize too. Then you can have make up sex. That's the best kind!

Answer 4

yes, it is wrong. HOwever, there are some guys who don't let their ex go. But you know, it is in YOUR hands to stop this from going on. Why don't you come here and talk to us instead of talking to him? Before you say something, take a deep breath and try not to say a word. My ex husband's wife would call his cell twice, three times a day. Well, who am I to advice you, right? I could not stand that......it is was too hard on me. He would invite her to the house and told me that is so normal in America (I am not an American) and I thought that it was disgusting. She would do whatever she wanted inside the house when she would go there to visit their son and I had to watch. If I were to complain he would say: "BUT THIS IS AMERICA and IN AMERICA EVERYBODY ALLOWS THEIR EX WIVES TO COME IN ESPECIALLY WHEN IT IS SO COLD OUTSIDE. Oh well, he is up there now and I am back to my country. Not only that was the problem, he would owe a lot of money to the Government and I had to put up with that and his BS that it was also normal when he had to raise a boy and to support an ex, plus his sick mother. THat was too much for me. But my case was different, I suppose. If your husband is "normal" (mine was not), try to slow down and let it go.....I doubt that he invites his ex to come into the house as mine did.....

Answer 5

Man -- y'all are work for doom-age on your marriage. I suggest you consider the exes history and move on in your life. Consider discussing the issue openly with your present husband of how you would like the fighting to stop and why you continue to bring up the exes. Discuss this issue one time and agree to never bring up the issue again. Decide to make a loving pack between the two of you in making a knew start. Something needs to change in this destructive pattern y'all have developed.

Lastly, this throwing up in a person face all their mistakes -- dang girl -- get a grip. We all mistakes. You keep making them all the time. Look at the positve and stop looking for the negative.

Answer 6

dont feel intimidated. Dont throw his mistakes in his face he can turn the tables and do the same thing...

as for the ex-wife..she's out of his life. move on. Pick something else to fight over. like the toilet seat not being put down ;o)

Answer 7

You shouldn't feel intimidated, but you shouldn't keep throwing it in his face either. That's not fighting fair. Stick to the issue at hand and don't let it "spin out of control" into other areas. That sort of thing leads to break-ups.

Answer 8

Only if he compares them to you. If he never brings them up but you do then yes you are wrong to be intimidated. What about them makes you feel this way?

Remember they are ex......you are current. You are the most important person in his life now not them. But if you keep throwing them in his face you may come to regret it.

If he talks about them directly all the time then you have a right to tell him to not bring them up. You are with him now not them.

Answer 9

Yes - it is wrong. It is hurtful to bring up his ex-wives and his failures. Very hurtful. You should not feel intimidated by them - you have him now - but if you keep up the hurtfulness - you may soon be an ex too.

Answer 10

Please let the past be the past. It is not fair towards him that you bring that up all the time. What does his ex or your ex have anything to do with your current relationship? Absolutely nothing and that is why they are called "EX" because it is over and in the past. You should both move on and focus on your own relationship and quit pointing out the mistakes that have been made in the past because they technically do not pertain to you anymore.