I am 27 and so is my partner of 4 years. We do not live together, or have children. My partner has been abusive to me under the influence of alcohol and has expressed violence to me then, and this I cant forget even though we are fine when he is sober.He has recently attended aa meetings, but I have lost allot of love and have met another person who is very kind to me and has been there for me when I have cried all my tears as a friend. I have feeling for him now and him for me, what do I do now my partner is showing change as I do love him also
2006-11-03 02:43:58 · 29 answers · asked by Abigail 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
The question is "can you forgive him even if he changes?" and how long will the change last? If you give up what you have with the "nice guy" for the abusive one and he goes back to being abusive then where are you? I think you know the answer to this question. I personally think you should move on and find happiness with someone else. Don't let it be a rebound relationship though. You need to break off one relationship and take a little time before you start another one. The care you feel for the nice guy might just be because he was there for you and gave you what you needed. Good Luck!
2006-11-03 02:49:05 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
AA has a 95% failure rate and that is the same as quiting on your own plus AA has some negative side effects that make it WORSE than no help at all.
I would suggest that you tell the man who abused you that his abuse of you has cause your feeling to dim and that you want some space. Tell him to keep up the good things he is doing but that you are not willing to be manipulated by him anymore.
If he loves you he will behave and not get all goofy but if he does get wierd when you ask for more space then that is proof you have to end it.
You can never make a silk purse out of a sows ear, but many have tried. Don't waist any more time with him.
2006-11-05 01:19:02 · answer #2 · answered by John Wilson 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Leave the abusive man and take a break from dating for a while. Your partner still needs treatment, and you can't be sure that things will get better with him after only a few AA meetings. He also needs anger management. It sounds like you might be running to the arms of the second guy just because he offers comfort. That might not be real love, so maybe you should focus on preserving your friendship with him.
2006-11-03 10:49:50 · answer #3 · answered by nava_clue 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Unfortunately, when someone is drunk, their true feelings come out. Once your partner stops drinking, he's going to express his anger towards you sooner or later, whether he's drunk or not. My father drinks, and he IS a regular Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde. While sober, everyone loves him, he's a great guy, but when drunk, people that love him will tolerate his conduct while others just avoid him. I don't tolerate his drinking behavior and he storms out of my home when I ask him to leave---this is always hard for me because I was always a daddy's girl. When he doesn't drink, he'll get sick and irritable, then goes on a rampage until he gets his beer. I would advise you to LEAVE your drunk of a partner. But DON'T run to the other guy you THINK you're inlove with. He's been your shoulder to cry on, heard your cries and soothed your pain. But once all that pain is gone, you're not going to be interested in him anymore. Why not just try being on your own for a short time. Date, and date some more until you find that one guy that makes you laugh and sweeps you off your feet---make sure he can hold his liquor, though.
2006-11-03 11:42:33 · answer #4 · answered by ? 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I say leave your partner of 4 years. I mean what more proof do you need? He has abused you countless of times and he didn't even have the guts to have a determination to change!! I mean yes he is changing now, but what makes you think he's honest with it. He may use that to have you stay with him. But I bet you he is still involved in alcohol. Give your partner of 4 years a few days, if you sense that he's using you yet again, leave him. Its better for you to have a life to live than for you to have the choice of death!!!!!
2006-11-03 12:53:49 · answer #5 · answered by meamy 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It all comes down to who you are going to be more happy with. You say you have lost love for the orginal guy, if that is so this should be an easy choice. If I were you I would just consider things, like who you think you will be more happy with long term, do you want a family? Who will you be more happy parenting with. Consider all the things in your future, then consider which guy you will be more happy with and go from there.
The key to this is to make a decision and never look back, regrets only end up hurting you and your relationship in the future. Make your choice be happy with it and make the best of it.
2006-11-03 10:50:47 · answer #6 · answered by Sophist 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, I think you need to go for the one that has been very kind to you and been there for you. Does he drink too? If so don't go for either of them no matter how much you love him. But whatever you do, get rid of the guy with the alcohol problem. Whether a man is sober ot not he shouldn't hit you or abuse you.
2006-11-03 12:53:26 · answer #7 · answered by Jo 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I would say you must do what is absolutely right for you. Don't let the fact that your partner is showing change be what keeps you with him. Just because he was drinking when he abused you doesn't make it alright. What is gonna happen if he falls off the wagon?
2006-11-03 10:48:27 · answer #8 · answered by ? 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
this is a decision you need to make carefully... if the drunk falls of the wagon he wil more than likely beat you again. No woman deserves to be hit. The new guy seems like a rebound guy (not the best replacement). Seems like you mayn need some time to do some self evaluation, find out what is best for you
2006-11-03 10:56:36 · answer #9 · answered by runt0125 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Leave the abusive drunk. If he has hit you once he'll do it again. Are you sure you really have strong feelings for the other guy though or is he just a shoulder to cry on?
2006-11-03 10:50:23 · answer #10 · answered by Darcee 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋