My wife has a child from a previous relationship and we have one together and I feel she puts them before me. I understand that they are her world and she loves them to death but sometimes I feel what the heck am I here for, and I am not selfish or any thing like that but I don't believe kids should come before any spouse I don't even put my kids from another relationship before her am I wrong for feeling like this?
2006-11-03 02:21:07 · 31 answers · asked by C live 5 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
thanks uk white thats what I mean children and the parents should be on an equal level no one before anybody in a family but there is a line between your kids and your spouse I love my kids more then my self but at the same time I would not put them before my wife
2006-11-03 02:34:11 · update #1
for those who are not reading correctly I am not blaming my kids I love my kids to death and spend alot of time with them even my step son I am greatful that my wife is a good mother but my thing is you can be a good mother and great wife. a comment was made as far as men come and go that is B.S we are married not boyfriend and girlfriend we plan to spend the rest of our lives together.
2006-11-03 05:37:52 · update #2
According to the bibe, a spouse must come after God but before the childern. As a mom myself, I leared that later in life, after my Divorce. I should have put my husband before my kids.
2006-11-03 04:02:50 · answer #1 · answered by Sandra 1 · 6⤊ 0⤋
First of all you do not say how old the children are & this will obviously influence the situation.
Unfortunately most people (the answers here confirm this) will always trot out the standard answer that kids come first. This can never be true in all situations. The problem here is that most people have an opinion without offering any advice or suggestions. It does not help to say "because they do". Children are resilient & have far more inteligence than you give them credit for. They are also very good at reading the situation (&this means spotting when their parents are in conflict). In my (humble) opinion it is most important for the parents to be happy & loving togther - how else can you provide a stable home life for your children? Sort the issues between the two of you FIRST & your childrens hapiness will be more secure as a result. I went through a painful divorce but took great care to make sure that i never let my emotions spill over to the children - even after my ex re married. As a result a have a good, stable & loving relationship with my children now they are adults
Hope this helps
2006-11-03 02:43:28 · answer #2 · answered by flicflac 3 · 2⤊ 2⤋
Some people say be a man? Well I have almost the same problem, My wife put her kids first before me from her first marriage and they're 28 year old with kids and a husband. The second one is 25 with kids and a girlfriend and the third one is 23. they are should be on their own. But 25 and 23 is living with their father. And the bible say, a husband comes first. I think she may be trying to make him feel important in a new family. Women have a maternal instinct(most of them anyway) and it is a learned experience to put your husband first.
2014-03-01 07:24:20 · answer #3 · answered by James 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The bible says that all others should be forsaken. Take it how you want but to me that means your spouse should come second only to God. That does not mean not to care for your children just that your spouse should always come before all others. From what I have seen kids from a previous marriage like to do whatever they can to come between the parent and the new spouse. Letting that happen is a mistake on the parents part. Obviously needs should be prioritized but I do not think you are wrong for feeling the way you do. I would feel the same.
2006-11-03 03:32:40 · answer #4 · answered by r_furman24 1 · 2⤊ 1⤋
You're sorta wrong. All children benefit from being raised in a happy, healthy, 2 parent home. She should take time to nurture her relationship with you to show them a good example for the future. Really though, a mothers' first priority is her children. It's normal to feel a little jealousy because raising children is so time consuming. Try to remember that eventually children grow up and move away and all that's left are the memories. Then what?Do you want those memories to be positve because you encouraged and supported her, or negative because you acted like a spoiled baby while the children were young. It's up to you.
2006-11-03 02:40:11 · answer #5 · answered by Lynda 4 · 2⤊ 1⤋
The most important relationship is between husband and wife, we are taught that in the church, that is the relationship that will last throughout eternity (if sealed in the Holy Temple)...
If there was an abusive or unsafe situation, then of course the children would need to come first. Marriage should be handled with love, committment, peace, understanding, patience.
2006-11-03 06:12:02 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Yes you are wrong! You are an adult-start acting like it! Her God given responsibility is to take care of her children. They depend on her to be there for them WHENEVER they need her!
You say you aren't a selfish person, but that is exactly what you are acting like! Your children should come first to you as well! Making sure that you are providing love, money and security for them should be your #1 priority - until they are grown!
I am not saying that you should be ignored or neglected by your wife, but her children should ALWAYS come first - without exception!!! If you feel like your marital needs aren't being met, because she has no time for you, than you may want to talk to her and seek counceling.
My advice to you would be - don't blame the children for her neglectful ways! If you say to her "your kids always come first and I'm sick of it......." she will become defensive immediately and you will get no where. You need to approach it more from a personal standpoint! Say something like " Baby, I love you and I miss you.....we really need to spend more quality time together as a couple...." She will have a chance to sympathize and understand where you are coming form. If it doesn't work, seek counceling. Let a third party help you talk through it. Good luck to you!! IT ISN'T THE KIDS FAULT!!!!!
2006-11-03 02:33:56 · answer #7 · answered by Kailey 5 · 2⤊ 2⤋
To have a properly functioning family cell, God must come first. The husband is second to God in importance, then the wife, then the kids. That's the proper order of things. When things are out of order, there is chaos, hurt, and confusion.
No, no, no......these people are wrong. They've got it all backwards. The children should not always come first. That is not health for the marriage or the kids.
2006-11-03 02:47:55 · answer #8 · answered by HazelEyes 5 · 2⤊ 2⤋
i know everyone things this guy is wrong, but i don't, i think he's feeling neglected and he's blaming the kids
.. i think what you and ur wife need to do is comprimise, its so important that niether spouse feels neglected after having kids. you should try having a date night once a week, and if thats too much, then try once a month.. it will really help your relationship.
to be good parents, you need to be happy parents. my husband and i have date nights atleast twice a month, while the baby spends the night with his grandparents.
2006-11-03 05:29:44 · answer #9 · answered by luvcooking 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Sorry to say this but men come and go out of a persons life. Kids are there no matter what. She is going to put her kids first because they are dependant on her. Do not be jelouse of those children be glad you have a wonderful wife that is willing to be a good mother.
2006-11-03 04:30:44 · answer #10 · answered by luvlisteningtomusic 6 · 1⤊ 2⤋