Seen Dr. Phil yesterday?How do u feel about women who stay with repeat cheaters?

Answer 1

I was one of those women and notice the past-tense in this statement. I got married young 18 and am now divorced at 23 and let me tell you that even though I knew he was a complete scumbag, it was very hard to leave him. He was my first love and basically my first everything and he just seemed like everything that I ever wanted in a mate. However, after being married he went overseas to Germany to be in the military and he cheated on me left and right and lied to me. He would go the Red Light District while I was home with our daughter and never took me anywhere bc whenever he went out with his friends, the babysitter never happened to be around. He would lie to me about having guard duty and just lied to my face about everything. I found out enough to know that he was cheating but without the substantial proof, it never seemed real beyond the emotions of feeling hurt, rejected, and unable to trust him. He was also emotionally abusive (as well as physically abusive at times) and pretty much convinced me that no one else would possibly want me and that I would never make it on my own. It's a lonely world when you have someone who is so emotionally disconnected from you and that makes you feel less then you are esp when this person is suppose to be offering you love and support. I had left him for a while to go back to NY and he started telling me how sorry he was for everything. (He was only good at telling the biggest lies to me that I really did want to believe, that he loved me and that he would change.) He tried blaming his being in the military for his cheating and just bad treatment of me but the warning signs of his lies were there prior to us even being married. Needless to say I did get back with him when he got out of the military and I actually started to believe that he had changed. Things were far from perfect between us but I thought that as far as cheating and lying goes, he had put his priorites of his family first and stopped. Boy was I wrong. He went out one night and came home with a hickey on his neck. He denied that it was hickey and claimed to have no idea how it got there. I went through his wallet about two days later and found a note from the skank and kicked him out right there and then. I had had enough and I finally had the hard proof in my face which finally brought the reality of what he was doing and what he had been doing into the light. He admitted to it be one particular girl and that she was the one who gave him the hickey (how quickly we remember). We were separated for few months after that and he attempted to reconcile. I almost gave in and went back to him...out of habit and out of being lonely but thank god I started using my head for once instead of falling back into the cycle of thinking with heart. We are now divorced for about 2 months now and he now has a gf that he has tried to cheat on with me so I know all of his words are just that and that he is no man because he cannot put actions behind what he says. At least its no longer my burden and someone elses...But I did stay with him for a long time and put up with a lot of unnecessary bs. He made me feel like I wasn't good enough and was very controlling. He got off on my growing dependence on him and convinced me that I could never make it without him or find anyone else that would want to be with me. My selfesteem was so low that I did everything that I could to do right by his eyes. I tried to change my style, and just everything that I was for someone who should've been trying to change to keep me. I even tried to justify staying with him for my daughter but it didnt take long to see that she wouldve learned how a woman should act and how they are treated based on our relationship and I never ever want her to think she has to put up with a man who has no respect for anyone but himself. No, I did not see the show yesterday but being a person who has lived through this I know that a lot has to do with a woman being emotionally dependent, extremely naive, and just lacking a sense of worth for herself. It took me years to actually leave this guy but now that I did, I look back with no regrets. Both my daughter and I are better off and I have learned to never ever be anyone's doormat again. Take Care:)

Answer 2

I seen Dr. Phil yesterday too! What I think about anyone who stays with a cheater just doesn't think they can get anyone else or better. They are too dependant on the cheater! I don't understand why Dr. Phil didn't say that to the first woman. I will say he was right about the man (boy) trying to turn the subject around and acting like a CHILD! But I think Dr. Phil should have still brought that to the womans attention and still offered her some counseling!!!

Answer 3

I think this is way more complex than folks think. Yes, I would like to think that women who stay with repeat cheaters have low self esteem or no back-bone to leave BUT you know, everyone defines marriage differently. Some folks don't want or expect fidelity and some women are cheating on their cheaters! Some women think it's natural for men to cheat or you know what, they just don't care b/c they married the man for money or to have good looking kids and just don't care who he sleeps with!

I personally wouldn't stay with a cheater and would suggest that any of my female friends/family with cheaters should leave them, but you know, love, life and marriage is very complex is there is a lot more going on than just "low self esteem" a lot of the time.

Answer 4

Either they're the typical drama queens, or they're stuck on trying to make it work, and not falling under the statistic of what many women go through.
Personally if they MUST, there should be the one chance rule. Fool me once it's your fault, fool me twice it's my fault, fool me thrice just doesn't exist. So sure take him back the first time, he does it again you're SUPPOSED to lose the bastid.
Drama queens there's no hope for them, they feed off the drama actually, because with the suffering, there's....ATTENTION...not from the man, but from her peers, the media, other people dumb enough to be soul-soothers 'i'm a victim of this.' So in honesty they INDULGE in that kind of thing, stupid to us yes..but for them it's necessary to feel ....'wanted' in that aspect. And then there are some that just have the low self-esteem and think, he's all i can get, i got 4 kids and i'm ugly, blah blah blah....and so they accept the abuse because at least she HAS somebody..which is unfortunate but it happens.

Answer 5

Talk about low self-esteem. If the women stay they are just enabling these men to continue. I can't say that I feel sorry for them.

Answer 6

They probably have low self-esteem or dependency issues. They should probably learn to live alone and be happy being single before they get into another relationship after they end the unhealthy one they are in.

Answer 7

I feel that instead of waiting around for the cheater to change, leave him and work on your self-esteem.

Answer 8

it just goes to show that they have a heart of gold and are willling to love evrybody enough to trust as always i think they are real women unfortunantly they are treated like crap and no woman should be
respect is something cheating men need to earn but are unable to because they havent the bal*s to think with there heads and not there crotches I LOVE AND CHERISH EVERY SECOND WITH MY WIFE SHES THE ONLY THING IN THIS WORLD THAT MATTERS TO ME HAS BEEN SINCE THE DAY I MET HER AND WILL BE FOR A THOUSAND LIFETIMES TO COME.........

Answer 9

Watched that show too..He was truly a work of art..guys like that will not get any where in life nor be fully happy either,,he is out to please himself and not his wife nor his kids..She needs to kick him to the curb and get some help on her self esteem..He has taken that from her now she needs to gain it back..I can understand one mistake in life but not a life full of it..Ladies or men should not ever put up with that for any reason...Help is out there for people to leave their relationships and they don't have to look far...So if your in that ..For the sake of yourself and your children GET OUT...no one deserves to live a life with such hurt.

Answer 10

I seen that episode to. I think those women must like the lifestyle if they continue to stay with them. They like the soap opera life if you ask me.

Answer 11

Repeat cheaters...The only thing I think is the first time you find out no matter the cercumstances get rid. gawd my spelling is shocking today lol :)