My boyfriend and I have been dating for 2 years. He has been divorced for 3 years. He was married for 16 years. Him and his ex-wife have 3 children. My problem is that she calls him ALL the time. Yesterday she called him 7 different times. Once at 7am again at 8am, three times at work, and twice once she got off. He says there are specific reasons she calls about the kids or some other excuse. But 7 times in a day is a bit excessive. This occurs almost everyday. He says Im wrong for being upset and he likes their relationship and intends for it to stay that way. But I am hurt. She calls him more than I do!!! Am I wrong for being upset? I feel like she does not know how to function w/o him! She calls him almost everyday early in morning and even late at night...I am beginning to think they are excuses to talk to him everytime she calls.
2006-11-03 00:39:14 · 31 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I would like to add that HE only spoke with her 2 times out of the seven, however.
2006-11-03 05:32:38 · update #1
DUMP THAT LOSER I CALLED MY EX LIKE ONCE A DAY and that was just to talk to my daughter
2006-11-03 01:12:21 · answer #1 · answered by mustang64093gt 4 · 2⤊ 1⤋
Make it clear to your boyfriend that this upsets you and is invading and impinging on your relationship. You realize he needs to maintain a RESPECTFUL relationship with his ex b/c of hte kids but 7 times in 1 day is excessive.
I know you love him but his heart, mind, energy seems to be diverted to his old household and wife. Think about how life would be if you got married. You may need to cut your losses while you can.
Give him an ultimatum. Say, "listen, I love you but I don't want to be in a relationship with you ex. I understand your need to have a relationship with her but this is going overboard." THen discuss how many times per day or week he should answer the phone for her (you can't control how many times she calls - at least initially). Hopefully you can agree to something that makes both of you happy. (Relationships are give and take!). See if he sticks with this for a month or two. If he does, you have a great man that loves you. If he doesn't, you and your feelings not the priority and you should probably move on. I know it's hard, I've been in a similar situation and finally decided to leave and looking back - it was well worth it. He didn't really understand the true meaning of divorce which is totally separation of your lives, minus some respectful conversations if you have kids.
2006-11-03 09:45:11 · answer #2 · answered by Falina T. Rayon 3 · 3⤊ 0⤋
No, you are not out of line. Yes, he has kids and will always have a connection with her based on that, but her phone calls are excessive. Unless all of the kids are having some kind of serious drama or issues at school, what can she possibly have to tell him that would take seven phone calls a day?
She does sound insecure, and he doesn't seem to be at all irritated. Worse yet, he's told you he happy with how it's going. He's not going to change.
My suggestion is that you consider whether or not it's worth continuing the relationship with him. This situation doesn't make him a bad guy, it just means that he has different priorities. Not only does he not see this situation as a problem, he doesn't see the need to change it. He doesn't have to agree with you, but it's unfair for him to tell you that you're wrong for feeling like you do. How you feel is HOW YOU FEEL. You're not asking him to choose his kids over you, you're simply asking him consider the impact of these endless, meaningless calls on your relationship.
There's no indication that he's willing to make any accommodation for you, or be more sensitive to your feelings. It boils down to you making a decision about if you see yourself having a happy, respectful relationship with him in the future, and if you can continue the relationship under it's present terms.
2006-11-03 09:34:53 · answer #3 · answered by Le_Roche 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I would be very upset at the fact that she is calling so much. I would have a long talk with him and tell him hey it is either her or me. You should tell him that he needs to discuss this issue with his ex. She should only be calling him if something is wrong with the children. If he is saying that she is calling because of that then she must not be a very good mother then. I think he is just making excuses and likes the fact that you are getting jelouse and also he likes the fact that she is calling him so much. Talk to him set it straight if he is not willing so tell his ex to stop calling then I suggest you move on.
2006-11-03 12:45:48 · answer #4 · answered by luvlisteningtomusic 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
7 times is a bit excessive, but from his standpoint he is tolerating it in an attempt to keep things civil between him and his ex. Its very possible that she doesnt know how to cope, but hopefully she will learn as time goes on. Whenever kids are involved in a divorce it is best that the two can keep things civil, and he seems to be doing the right thing by his kids when he offers her some support. I did the same for my ex even though I had every excuse to be a real jerk toward her, my kids were better off for it, and now that they are grown, they have much more respect for me over it.
2006-11-03 08:47:48 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
That is definitely excessive, and I agree with you about being upset. They made the decision to divorce, that means to separate. But if she cannot leave him to live his own life, and trust him to take care of the kids on his own...and if he doesn't see anything wrong with that, then I think you should run. Think about it...if you stay with this guy, it's going to be the 3 of you, not just the 2 of you. His relationship with his ex-wife does not sound healthy at all!
2006-11-03 08:44:11 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 0⤋
If it only happened once or rarely (e.g. emergencies), I'd say be a little flexible, but all the time?
Well, I can see why they got divorced: he's her doormat apparently, and women lose interest and respect in their doormats. Still... they're nice when you need to wipe the mud off your feet.
I can see why you are upset: you aren't a couple; you're a triad: there are three of you in this relationship... all of the time.
So what do you bring to this relationship? Are you supportive, etc? I ask because... relationships are ultimately about give-and-take, and it looks like the ex is taking so much from your partner that there cannot be much left over for you.
2006-11-03 08:57:44 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 1⤋
I am a divorced man myself and have a new wonderful girlfriend. I do not associate at all with my ex-wife ! We have a child but my ex-wife does not allow me to see him so it is in the courts hands now....anyway.....
Your boyfriends behaviour, in my opinion, and sorry to say, is very worrying ! I would never allow this to happen as being jealous is a hurtful experience and to use this to a person that you are supposed to love and care for is in my opinion unacceptable !
I know this hurts but if she calls him all the time she has plans to get him back, if they would only talk for the kids sake then I would understand but this does not happen on a daily basis and not 7 times a day !
Watch yourself ok ! Good luck !
2006-11-03 09:25:07 · answer #8 · answered by Worried man 1 · 2⤊ 1⤋
No it isn't, if she is calling about the children, don't get in the way, or you wont have a BF, He needs to make a stand about the kids and her, she needs to pull her weight with them but sounds like she isn't a very good parent, alot of woman let the kids run their lives,
most second marriage and relationships end because the new spouse/girlfriend see's the ex wife as a intrusions when really it is all about the kids, there is nothing good about a divorce,
2006-11-03 09:12:45 · answer #9 · answered by rich2481 7 · 0⤊ 2⤋
You have a right to be concerned. He has an obligation that will never go away. While you need to understand that there will always be this connection, HE needs to understand that this kind of behavior is way overboard, and a new choice is to be made....Her or you. This constant communication is a planned attack, believe me, I went through it. If their communication is doing so well, maybe they should get counseling and get back together and raise their kids, leaving you to get some kind of life with a person that sees only you when he daydreams.
There you go!...adding to the story! You ask for input, then you start deffending him. Tell him to take control of the matter or you are hitting the road. Plain and simple ; " If you can't fix this problem, I need to move on".
2006-11-03 08:52:45 · answer #10 · answered by twostories 4 · 2⤊ 1⤋
I would probably be upset too. Since they do have children together though I don't think there is really anything you could do about it though besides except it or get out of the relationship. Is she dating anyone? Maybe once/if she finds a new man she will stop calling so often.
2006-11-03 08:44:08 · answer #11 · answered by harpersr10 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋