I just found out last night,that my husband of 11 yrs has kept a secret from me for 12 yrs.We split up for a bit before we got married, and he dated an old gf.I'm not mad at what he did,but i'm hurt that he didn't tell me,and it accidently slipped out last night while in bed.Do you think i should feel hurt from his secret,or am i just overreacting?
2006-11-03 00:28:14 · 33 answers · asked by Pardon Moi? 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
why be mad at something that happened so long ago? just forgive and forget
2006-11-03 02:12:32 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your ARE overreacting. What he did before you were married has no relevance to your marriage. If you were split up at the time then he did nothing wrong. You did not mention that he has ever cheated on you during your marriage so I assume he is faithful and there is another reason to prove you are overreacting. Let the poor guy off the hook. I'm sure that if you think hard enough there is probably something that you have done that you are not telling your husband about. No matter how small it is, it is still a secret you are keeping from him. Please give the poor fellow a break.>
2006-11-03 00:33:59 · answer #2 · answered by Captain Comment 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I think you're hurt because you did not know until now. And sometimes that makes us feel like we were being lied to. However, some things are very hard to say, so if you havent had any problems between the two of you because of that.....then just try to understand where he is coming from. Do you think he meant to hurt you by keeping this from you? Or does he really love you and knew that it would hurt you knowing this? Either way, that was how long ago? And yes he kept it from you, but maybe he feels much better now that you know? Try to talk about it when your not as upset, and really talk.....and listen! If he is a good guy, then I am sure things will be fine.
2006-11-03 00:35:46 · answer #3 · answered by mslatin 1 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I think his time with you has proved his dedication. Do you have a good relationship? Do you both feel loved?
He probably didn't tell you before because he was afraid of another breakup. After a certain amount of time had passed he probably figured it really didn't matter so why bother bringing up a past event that might cause you distress. Now if he were thinking about looking her up again or if you two were having marital problems and he brought it up just to hurt you . . . I would have an issue with that. In that case I would head straight to counseling.
2006-11-03 00:38:16 · answer #4 · answered by greyrider 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
You're over reacting. He's been with you for 11 years. I know it might seem like yesterday. Time plays tricks on us like that. However think that he loved you so much that when that took place 11-12 years ago he didn't want it to cause friction between the two of you, because he found that he truly loved you and only you. Why would a man risk a future with a woman that he wants to spend the rest of his life with.
Don't worry about it. It's in the past.
2006-11-03 00:33:29 · answer #5 · answered by drkstr1973 3 · 4⤊ 0⤋
No, I wouldn't be mad at all.
He's been your husband for 11 years, and dated the old girlfriend before you got married, and WHILE you were split up?
He wasn't necessarily obligated to tell you in the first place. It would have been nice, but he didn't have to.
You're definitely overreacting. Your husband is with you, and not her. This all happened before you were married; let it go. :)
2006-11-03 00:31:53 · answer #6 · answered by Janx 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
After being married for 11 years and if in that time he's never cheated on you, then I'd say you are overreacting. Just be thankful he did tell you. Besides, you two were broken up at the time, therefore he was free game to do whatever it is he wished to do at that time.
2006-11-03 00:30:39 · answer #7 · answered by GirlinNB 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
What are you angry about, the date or that he can keep a secret for 12 years.
You should be asking why now? How did this come up?
Why does it matter today?
Yes you are overreacting.
2006-11-03 00:40:58 · answer #8 · answered by Flagger 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I guess on some level I understand feeling kind of hurt, because in some way you feel like he lied to you. I don't think he did, but I can understand your reaction, but I wouldn't harp on it. He obviously loves you and not her or you two wouldn't be married right now. We all have a past. And like you said, he didn't cheat because you were broke up at the time. Let it go.
2006-11-03 00:46:48 · answer #9 · answered by ? 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
After 11 yrs you are over re-reacting for something that occured before you got married. Kiss and make up.. Time for a little makeup sex.
2006-11-03 00:43:43 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
It's understanable to be upset when a spouse has kept a secret, but since this was so long ago and you guys have been together hopefully you can just let it go and be happy that at least he was finnally honest with you.
2006-11-03 00:30:59 · answer #11 · answered by blonde_bitch_norris 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋