My husband made me feel bad after he was the one who did it?

Question

My husband used my credit card to have a free trial of the internet and then the free trial turned to a full on membership and wasted 40.00 on porno! I had to make a stop payment on a check because of this. He knows how I feel about this and it hurt my feelings a lot, he has other problems too and always turns them around on me and makes me feel guilty when it's him how should feel guilty. I don't care if he is a grown damn man , well if he is so grown up why didn't he think about maturity and the check I sent out? I want only serious information only. What should I do? This happened last night and he won't talk to me, it should be the other way around!

I do give him what he wants at home, but he is looking at porno at his business

he says he is thinking of me which is bs and that he wants to come home and have sex which we can't do because of two small children

My husband couldn't cheat, because he doesn't have the time. He lies about gambling, porno, cigars, and weed. He says he wants another baby, I say f*ck off to him now about it. Why would I want another baby with a liar.

Answer 1

The porno isn't the issue. It's your hubby's irresponsible behavior, his failure to acknowledge your feelings, and his immaturity. I suggest marriage counseling for you both to see if you can resolve your differences. But remember, a tiger does NOT change his stripes. So the real question is, are you willing to accept him as he is and life the live you will have with this type of man?

Answer 2

Know the feeling. Men do not view seeking porn photos as any form of "cheating", many women do. It is NOT PERSONAL! #1 thing you need to know. We are, afterall, part of the animal kingdom. Some "people" seek porn so they can play the manly swap story game with their peers, liking amacking each others butts on a sports feild! I think some just look for the sake of variety--thus the saying "I'm just looking, I'm not dead".
When the porn, however overburdens the wallet, then an obssession has begun...because he has endangered part of your personal relationship beit intimate OR financial. No way should porn cost you to turn off your phone etc... this is where HE needs counseling. BUT remember it is about him!
For you? Go talk to a professional; talk to him; if he loves you and can admit that he is in over himself in this porn practice then make a plan together for it to stop---password protect the computer/seek counseling/advise your credit ard companies to DECLINE ALL internet payments etc.
Is it a phase or a problem? Only the two of you and time will tell.
I found out my spouse had 40CDs worth of porn,,,but later found out that most of that were gifts from guys at work!!! He just took them and tucked them away instead of tossing them---as evidenced by 2 inches of dust that had gathered...but is hurt me just the same.
Good Luck----its NOT about YOU!

Answer 3

OK sounds like there is more to this problem than just the pron. Now if your man had the money to pay you back instantly than maybe you went overboard. I can understand you not wanting him to watch porn, but let me tell you I know guys in the best relationship that still watch porn. they do it for the curiosity reasons. Nothing more . That being said, he should also respect your feelings .
It seems like you guys need to come up with a compromise and discuss your feelings with each other. He might be stressed or just a BASS but heres the point there is more going on that just a you want porn when i dont want porn thing. I thin you guys should seek marriage counseling

Answer 4

I would deny him access to the internet. Take his name off of your credit card, too, or put a pin number on the card that has to be verified before it can be used - don't give him the pin number.

Tell him he needs to seek counseling (both of you should go together, too) for his 'problems'. Porn is disgusting and unnecessary - there are better ways to spend money, time, and energy.

Don't beg, whine, or push the issue. Just lay out your terms and stick to them. Do this calmly - no tears or self-pity - and he will get the point. When he tries to turn anything back on you, reply "Be that as it may, we are discussing __________ right now." Period. Keep to the subject at hand. If he tries to play the blame game, ignore it and, again, bring him back to the matter at hand.

Good luck - it sounds as though you will need it.

Answer 5

I just answered your other question about him thinking you were cheating on him. There are so many ways of finding ways to cheat. You sound like you feel trapped and I think you already know something is wrong. He is lying to you and in the back of your mind you know he is doing something wrong. He is lying to you about everything do not be a doormat because you have a child by this man. He is the one at fault not you do not allow him to put any of this blame on you. You need to either get out or start marriage councelling because it sounds as though things are only going to get worse if you stay.

Answer 6

Using your Credit without your consent is wrong, there goes that maturity level. You said you do give him what he wants at home. Maybe he wants something different and is ashamed to ask you for it. As far as turning every problem around on you, that doesn't seem like a grown and married man. Attept to talk to him about the sex and porn, if he is still reluctant maybe counsilling is the best path.
Good luck-

Answer 7

It sounds like one of two things. Either he's embarrassed about it and doesn't know how to come clean without hurting his own pride, or he's just being immature. I know that when my husband messes up, sometimes it takes him a little while to apologize, but he most generally always does because he knows he's in the wrong. I would wait until he starts talking to you again (like you said, it should be the other way around) and then try to get it through his head that he really hurt your feelings. Good luck!

Answer 8

This is called "projection" and is a form of maniputalion. In my opinion he feels neglected due to the small children. Is he in his late 20's by any chance? If so then he is going thru what is called "Duality change" and you need to brace yourself cause its going to get bumpy.
I think you should keep the discussion at a civil level and tell him that it was wrong, kinda like when a child does something wrong and you correct him, that he can't do that and he is the man of the house and you deserve his respect because you are his wife and mother of his children.
Maybe he will realize this and straighten up
Hope it helps and feel free to im me if you need more direction or need to talk.

Answer 9

Don't talk to him. My Dh does this also-the no talking thing after an argument for days. This time around, I am the one not talking until he can realize what he did and why it was wrong. Turn the tables on your hubby-make him come to you and apologize-it may take awhile--but try it and see if it works. Men really need to learn sometine to be a man and maybe us acting like children (the way they normally do) will do some reverse psychology on them! Good luck.

Answer 10

Whey are you letting him make you feel guilty, you did not do anything wrong. Whey is he looking at porno at work, is he trying to become unemployed. You need to talk to him, explain that you have two small children and that you are trying to make an effort to take care of the responsibilities and so should he.