Moral dilemma?

Question

I have just found out that my ex wife forged my signature and took a loan out in my name, this occured while we were still living together, we have been separated over 4 years now, the loan was never repaid, the company dealing with this have said that if confirm that it is not my signature on the agreement they will persue here for fraud, myself and my ex dont owe each other any favours but my 2 children live with her and her new partner, i am not in a financial position where as i can just settle this myself, i'm just stuck to know what way to approach this as i'm not in a position where i can discuss this with her

My children are 16 & 14, i dont have any relationship with them as it is, i just dont want to make it any worse because i really hope one day they will want to get in touch with me again, mum is good where as i am the bad one

Answer 1

personally... you havent done anything wong, i know its hard with kids involved BUT, by doing the right thing the kids will see that you are actually a lovely person who just wants to be there dad.

what she has done is illegal, you cant make excuses for it, and she must realise this. the kids are now at an age where they can decide for themselves, by seeing what there mum has done and by putting you through this, you arent fighting dirty, or trying to make her look bad. and by her being found out this with the police or whoever the kids will see this.

i would play it quiet though, dont make it an issue, let the legal side take care of it, if then there is arguments and issues made out of this, you act calmly, you havent done anything... she has put you in a very horrible sittuation, you are no longer together and she should never have done anything so rotten.

please dont feel that you are to blame as from what i can see you just want the problem she has caused sorted and for her to do the right thing and take responsibility for it.
stay cool yeah, it might take time, but it should affect her not you.

all the best hun. x

Answer 2

I have faced a similar dilemma with a sister who used my credit cards. If I did not agree that it was fraudulent use and give the company the go ahead to press charges, I would be liable for the costs.
You have to think through all scenarios:
1. If you really cannot afford to pay the costs or you do not want to pay, then you will have to let them pursue the fraudulent loan. Perhaps she has defrauded others in this way and you are saving future victims. Plus, it is not fair for you to repay the loan! However, how will this affect your children? Will you be able offer them the financial and emotional support as they suffer along with their mother? What was the money spent on? Have you benefited from some way from the loan and can just call it quits in your mind?
2. You can bear the cost alone and save your ex and the children from the suffering associated with being prosecuted for fraud - its taken very seriously these days and rightly so. However, will this really accomplish anything? In the long term, would it benefit everyone for the truth to come out?
3. You say that you are not in a position to discuss this with her. How ever, putting the ball in her court will very likely help you make your final decision. If you can't talk face to face or even on the phone, write her a letter or an email. Make sure you keep copies of everything you send her. Present her with your dilemma and ask for her input. Say that you can't afford to pay back the money that was stolen and ask what she would like you to do about it all. Say you want to make sure that you make the right decision for your self and the children. She may be aggressive or silent, or beg you for mercy etc. Take some time to consider her response and give her time to retract anything negative she says. Then you can be sure that you have been totally fair even though you are the one who is wronged.

The fact that you are able to actually ask this question and that you are aware that rushing in to press charges may not be the best thing to do shows that that you are fully capable of making the right decision for all parties in your individual situation.
Hope it all works out and isn't too stressful what ever you decide to do!

Answer 3

Why are you not in a position to discuss it with her? Perhaps you could write a letter to her explaining that what she has done is against the law and that she must find a way of repaying the money, stating when you would expect this to be done by. If she doesn't reply, then pass the responsibility on to the loans company and let them pursue her. At least you know you have given her the option (even if only for the sake of your children).

Answer 4

first, check your credit report to make sure that she did not forge your signature or steal your identity for anything else. second, file a police report on this and anything else that you find in your credit report that is fraud. third, call the loan company with your police report and tell them that your signature was forged, they will tell you exactly what to do as far as getting this taken care of. don't waste your time going to your ex-wife. she got the money that she needed. why did you divorce her to begin with? weather or not she may or may not be the mother of your children is no excuse. stealing is stealing and she needs to pay the price.

Answer 5

my husbands ex girlfriend did this to him because she traced his signature on a loan document. He paid for half the loan but not the rest as he believed he was doing the right thing....they had no kids together but she had a 13yr old and a 17yr old and basically my husbands soft.
A few years later when we got together and now live on the isle of wight, the loan company tracked my husband down for the final settlement....i answered the phone and a very rude woman told me that she would hold me responsible as i am married to the co signer on the loan agreement. I explained to her that this was not the case, but she persisted. I ended up telling her to f**k off and take me/us to court for the £7500 outstanding as my husbands ex hadnt paid a penny why hadnt they pursued her? No answer was given and we havent heard another thing about it.
I sympathise with your position mate, but please let the company do their thing and let her pay for the consequences of her crime.

Answer 6

She committed an act of fraud, and you need to pursue it as such. Your credit rating has been affected, but she needs to make restitution. Since you were married at the time, you may be liable for 50% of the balance due, but paying 50% is better than paying 100%... Try to get it all from her, though, since you were not part of the loan, and hopefully, you can prove the forgery....

Best of luck!

Answer 7

Good luck to you.... I just got done paying over $9000 for an initial $2000 loan that my ex-husband took out in my name....... and I'm the one with our 4 kids (and no new partner)

Answer 8

Get the advice of a very good family lawyer. If your ex took out the loan, knowing it was false, imagine what position she contemplated putting YOU in.

Talk to a lawyer, NOW.

Answer 9

tell her if she doesn't agree to pay the company you'll have no choice but to report her also tell her what the company have already told you. i.e she'll be perused for fraud.

that way she is the one making the decision not you.

p.s what was the loan for, and who got the responsibility for the debts after the marriage broke down.

discuss this with the CAB citizens advice bureau and they'll give you free confidential legal advice.

Answer 10

Best find yourself a baby sitter. You shouldn' t let her hold you to this just because she has your kids. She should face the consequences of what she's done and if it means her not being able to look after the kids properly than you should take responsibilty for them and take them away from her while she sorts out the mess she's created.