My husband and I have recently received custody of 2 teenagers ages 14 and 17 they are immature for their age. My husband has not seen his boys for 3 years and in that time their behavior has gotten much worse from the last time he had custody. Here is the problem they steal and they lie and have anger problems. their mother really did a number on them. the first week they were here the 17 year old "relieved" himself on the stadium bleachers near our home. He then stoled money from the school and the youngest would say we told him he could go somewhere and lie to my children that we said it was okay. The one thing that sent us over the edge was the oldest had spit phlem in our milk container. It was dusgusting. I have tryed to be supportive and compasionate to what they have been through however, it is stressful on my children and my husband beyond measure. I have been taking the 14 year old to counseling but, I'm beginning to believe their is no help.
2006-11-02 23:41:44 · 5 answers · asked by bobochaka 1 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Adolescent
This is what happens with "mixed-up" second marriages! Good God girl - this isn't your problem, it is past repair - move these teenagers out of your home before something terrible happens to YOUR children. Did you bargain for this? Why in the world did you accept his children? Didn't they ever visit, during the last 3-years? For the life of me , I never understand what drives people to enter into a "relationship" without checking out EVERYTHING. You should have, for the simple reason that you have children. I am sorry for being so critical, but I want you to know that this is just the beginning of the trouble these boys will bring into your life, and the first is trying to get answers from us, but the next will be a PROBATION OFFICER - as I can tell you without a doubt, you and THEIR father will be spending a lot of time in COURT. The damage is done... your looking a YEARS AND YEARS of therapy for these boys - are you in for it?
2006-11-03 00:23:23 · answer #1 · answered by peaches 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
There really are no answers here. I was in your shoes and I feel so much for you. The pain is intense and you feel helpless because there is no one to really help you. The kids have been damaged and like my step son...beyond repair. My best advice...your family stability and foundation is in jeopardy (health issues dealing from body fluids being transferred and believe it or not the plegm thing is a crime, my former step son urinated in his sisters shampoo and doctors wanted us to just press charges) you also have no trust with these kids in the home. If you are like me you felt and may even feel you are going to be the savior. You cannot be. age 5 or 6 maybe but they are young adults and are willingly making the choices they are. their mom may have done damage but they are continuing the behaviors on their own. They need love but they also have to give in return. I can understand some behavior problems but most of what they are exhibiting are on their own volition.
You need to have a family meeting (make sure you and husband are on same page before meeting begins or you will be the bad guy) Put everything on the table. Your husband may more than likely side with the boys as they are his sons. Wives are a dime a dozen but children are "yours" forever. These boys may rebel even further in an effort to get your husband to side with them saying that none of this is their fault its all their bio mom and his not being in their lives. They will almost always put a guilt trip on him and thus hubby plays into their hands.
You have to stand your ground and hun I will tell you it doesnt get easier and if your home stability for your home, the children you two have together and your marriage are in danger, the boys have to go. You cant risk losing your kids stability and security for two boys who wont behave etc.
I finally had to divorce because my girls who I had brought to the marriage had absolutely no peace in their lives, they couldnt sleep in peace, they had to keep their personal hygeine items locked up, our milk etc was always in question and ultimately my step son had to be literally locked in his room at night to prevent him from causing harm under cover of the night. You have to decide what is important. We cant save the world, we do try but sometimes some things are beyond our help no matter what we try and do. Our motherly love is often not enough to heal wounds that others have caused.
I so applaud you for trying and working so hard but please do not take from the innocent children already in the home so these boioys can tear the house structure down, can damage the family ties etc. It is so unfair.
Your husband has to step up to the plate and take responsibilty and make the call on what he sees as most important. I pray it is you and the babies y'all have together. If these boys truly want to be part of the home and the family unit they have to do what you and your husband say, not what they want. It is your home not their flop house or place to desecrate with their nasty behaviors.
God also needs to be in the home for girding up. Prayer from family and friends as well as within your walls is unbelievable to get you through.
So stand strong and from this mom who has been in your shoes, know someone out there feels your pain and anguish and will so be praying for peace in your home.
2006-11-03 00:04:03 · answer #2 · answered by quarterhorsemom 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
alot of times there is not a problem, since there dad is not there for them it just might make them confused or they just want attention, i am speaking from experience my dad is never here for me and at times i get mad because i cant say the dad. you should just try to stop and talk to them if they dont listen then yell, it works for me my mom yells at me and of course i yell back but then while I'm yelling i think twice about how bad i hurt her when i do something wrong. and some teenagers are just bad because of the way they grew up, if they grew up being spoiled like me then they will try to get their way all the time but if they grew up feeling like people lied to them all their lifes then you need to be there to comfort them through thick and thin.
2006-11-03 00:15:14 · answer #3 · answered by Baby G 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need to talk to school guidance counselor and see what they recommend................They may both need to see a counselor by themselves outside of school.............And you and your husband also...........they are out of control and have no value for anyone else... good luck!
2006-11-02 23:51:59 · answer #4 · answered by mom of a boy and girl 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
military school
2006-11-03 02:14:07 · answer #5 · answered by la_dmarma_lyd 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋