ok, where do I start?! I have been seperated from my ex-hubby for 2 years, I am not in a relationship yet but have been on a date. My work requires me to go away for wk/ends sometimes and my ex refuses to have our 2 kids when i do. He wants to control my life and constantly accuses me of telling lies about what i do! I know it's nothing to do with him, but if i upset him he "hints" at suicide. I don't want to push him over the edge by denying him access to the kids, but he really is causing huge problems in my life! he says he can't deal with me moving on with my life and when he heard about my date he said he could no longer see me or the kids as it hurts too much. I really don't know what to do anymore, i have tried reasoning with him, talking to his parents, etc, nothing seems to work! I'm not sure if i should be taking his suicide references seriously, as he has made them for so long, i have taken it seriously in the past, but there seems to be nothing i can do about it! any help?!
2006-11-02 22:51:38 · 14 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
He is emotionally manipulating you!Trust me, my ex bf did this to me. Next time he hints to commit suicide, you should tell him that you are not responsible for his life and that he should go ahead and do it. I know this sounds cruel, but suicidal people are normally the people you would least expect it from , they are shy and quiet and besides if he was REALLY suicidal he wouldnt just talk about it, he would have done it ages ago.
Dont allow this man to control your life!He is not going to force you to make your decisions for yourself and your children based on him and his threats. It does not work that way. He is the master of manipulation, dont allow someone to emotionally blackmail you. Talk to him, be stern and make sure he knows that you are not going to fall for his manipulation again and that you are just going to stand back and if he does something stupid you will take it to court and tell the court he is a unfit father ,seeing as he is suicidal. Hopefully that will wake him up and he will realise he has to deal with these problems between the two of you like an adult. Good luck!
2006-11-02 23:01:40 · answer #1 · answered by Jade22 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, I hope you are documenting everything. The place to start is with a lawyer and the friend of the court. You will probably end up going before a judge and having to fight for full custody. It sounds as though your ex is bipolar, depressed, or worse. Personally, I wouldn't allow my kids around anyone who was threatening suicide and jealous of my life. Those are the situations you end up reading about in the paper or seeing on the news after it's too late.
If he is refusing to take the kids that is not denying him access. Whatever was written up in the separation agreement is what he has the right to (until it is contested/changed) - if he doesn't spend that time with his kids that's his fault. Again, document each time he refuses to take them. You can also recommend to the judge that he not be allowed to see the children until he seeks psychiatric treatment/counseling as you believe he may be a danger to himself and others.
2006-11-02 23:58:43 · answer #2 · answered by greyrider 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need to go to your lawyer and go to court and demand that your ex husband have only supervised visitation with your children. His suicide talk is an intimidation tactic. If he says he doesn't want to see you or the kids good you and the kids are safer. Find a trusted friend or relative not his parents who can watch the kids for you on weekends. He knows you still care about him as a person and is trying to manipulate you and punish you for divorcing him.
Stay strong. Luck
2006-11-03 01:06:26 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You actually CAN permit him circulate, you in basic terms % to no longer. it is genuine, it incredibly is a decision. someplace on your concepts you absolve him of each and everything he's finished and have faith him to be some thing he's no longer: straightforward, unswerving, being concerned of your needs. you assert you "the two" journey a connection in assessment to the different in spite of the indisputable fact that it appears like in basic terms you do. using fact this "astonishing connection" he has is one the place he maintains to cheat on you and injury you and betray you in spite of ways it makes you experience. He would not care approximately you the way you care approximately him. that's what it comes all the way down to. Betraying somebody many times returned isn't love. yet what you notice is what you get. He has lied and cheated three times. i'm no longer judging, yet i'll assert that from the exterior, it would seem which you have low vanity and have faith which you're no longer deserving a a extra loving/monogamous/wholesome dating it incredibly is why you're taking him returned time and time returned. till you have had adequate, you will journey the comparable. It in basic terms hasn't occurred for you yet it incredibly is why you reside interior the comparable rut, doing the comparable element, anticipating a distinctive effect.
2016-10-21 04:48:31 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
People say they 'find' love, as if it were an object hidden by a rock. But love takes many forms, and it is never the same for any man and woman. What people find then is a certain love.
Love, like rain, can nourish from above, drenching couples with a soaking joy. But sometimes, under the angry heat of life, love dries on the surface and must nourish from below, tending to its roots, keeping itself alive.
Lost love is still love. It takes a different form, that's all. You can't see their smile or bring them food or tousle their hair or move them around a dance floor. But when those senses weaken, another heightens. Memory. Memory becomes your partner. You nurture it. You hold it. You dance with it.
2006-11-02 22:54:23 · answer #5 · answered by Princess illusion 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
He likes the fact that you are allowing him to have space in your head for him. You did all that you can do he would have to be the one who deals with his problems now. When he suggest that he is going to commit suicide you should tell him that he needs to get help for himself so he can be the father he needs to be for your children. I would not want my kids to be around an unstable man if I were you. I would not mention anything that you are doing in your life right now unless it involves the children. He does not need to know about your personal life whatsoever.
2006-11-03 05:02:53 · answer #6 · answered by luvlisteningtomusic 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
spoilt brat syndrome here im afraid,,he is like a toddler who finds tantrums get him his way and once he has found out what is the most effective way of behaving,,he sticks to it.so he wants access to the kids but threatens to leave them without a father? you have to stop letting him play you,,turn things around and stand up for yourself,,2 years now you have been 'free' and he still has you,so to speak. tell him in no uncertain terms that he must do what he must do but can he leave you a written message to pass on to the kids so they understand why their father was weak and pathetically domineering,and felt the need to leave them without him.this will continue for as long as you allow it to. lets put it another way,say you meet someone,,they wont put up with a woman who takes this crap and yes,,they may even give you the emotional strength to sort this out but do you want to really give thanks to someone else when your ex does back off,,because given a choice you are not going to lose a good man over an ex are you so do it now and free yourself,,this is about you and not the children but as this tactic is working for him,,very successfully i might add,he wont stop. stick out your chin,,,call him and be a woman who can deal,,you did it once you can do it once more.i wish you luck
2006-11-02 23:09:26 · answer #7 · answered by lex 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like he's using threats of suicide to control you, and make you feel guilty for moving on with your life. You're not responsible for his mental health; let his family deal with those issues. Move on, and hope, for the kids sake, that he is able to do the same. If he doesn't get himself together, then that's on him, not on you. Good luck!
2006-11-02 22:58:09 · answer #8 · answered by grandm 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your X sounds like he's BI-Polar with suicidal ideation tendancies. He uses the verbage as a means to control you. Make other arrangments for your children when you have to go out of town or on a date-----Have your parents, or other family members be your babysitter!.
I would seriously consider petitioning the courts for limiting his visitation with the children----he sounds mentally unstable and unsuitable for taking care of your children! Supervised visitation should be done and do it immediately!!!
2006-11-02 23:06:33 · answer #9 · answered by aunt_beeaa 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Your ex is manipulating you and you are right when you say he is trying to control you. You can't control his choices about not seeing you and the children or about suicide. He will make whatever decisions he's going to make and if you let what he MAY do color your choices, then he has achieved what he wanted to. You must do what is right for you and your children regardless of how he reacts to it.
2006-11-02 23:00:03 · answer #10 · answered by jingles 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋