I found out about 8 months ago that my husband cheated on me. He was working out of town and met a girl where he was at. I had been 100% faithfull to him. I found out April 17, I asked him not to lie to me and to tell me the whold truth, I can try to forgive if I know what happened. Anyways, he lied to my until July 26 about sleeping with this girl, even though he knew that I knew. Even then I still stayed with him, but again I asked him to please tell me the truth. He told me more things but I still thought he was lying about things. about a month ago he finially admitted some more things to me. It was just to much to take. He told me how he was talking to this girl about ther break up with her boyfriend, then they started hanging out, then they had sex.. The whole time I am sitting at home with his two kids trying to call him, and he was out with her. The thing is after this last time of finding out things, I told him that I wanted to seperate. We are still living together.
2006-11-02 21:48:25 · 34 answers · asked by knlsmommy 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I am a stay at home mother, and we live in a small town where a babysitter would cost me more than I would make in a week trying to work. He don't really have any place to go. I don't know what to do. I think that I still love him, but it just hurts so bad. He has lied to me so much, I don't kow if I will ever be able to trust him again. I am so afraid of being along and not being able to support my kids. He says that he will help pay for every thing, but he doesn't realize how much it will cost him just for a place for him.
Please don't respond with answer like....live these cheating ******. that is not what I want to hear, I need some real help
2006-11-02 21:53:34 · update #1
Hey, you and I could be the same person. Your story sounds almost exactly like mine. My husband was working out of town and had an affair which I also found out about in April. He lied at first, then I would find out a piece of information, then later another piece of information. Like you I wanted to know every detail, thinking it would help, but it didn't, it only made my imagination more vivid. I do love my husband and even though some people may think I'm an idiot, I know he loves me too. We are trying to work things out, but we both know it's going to take a long time. We fought a lot at first, and I would always bring up what he had done, but I finally realized that if I am truly going to forgive him, I have to let it go. So we are starting over, trying to remember what brought us together in the first place. I have been given all kinds of advise, from leave him he'll just do it again, to if you believe in what you have work on it and try to save it. No one knows what they would do unless they are in this situation. I always said I would never stay with a man that cheated on me. But here I am, because I know we had problems in our marriage before this happened, and that it is not always so easy to blame one person when things go very wrong. I hope you find some peace and are able to figure out what is best for you. Good Luck
2006-11-03 05:32:29 · answer #1 · answered by Pebbles 1 · 3⤊ 0⤋
You kept after him for some time. The reality was it was a one time thing and not likely to reoccur. Did he tell you that? If he did give this a rest. He tried to keep the glaring bad news from you to protect you. If he said it was a one time thing , it will not happen again, it was just a fling and he wants to stay married, BELIEVE HIM. Give him his one second chance and move on. Moving out helps no one , does not help anyone and does not make the pain go away. It only makes it worse. Give him a second chance and move on. Help yourself out and quit asking questions you really do not want the answer to. This is a case where honesty was NOT the best policy.
The reality was that you could not forgive with the knowledge.
You need to determine in your own mind if this is worth throwing away your home , marriage and family life. The answer is probably, NO it isn't. Yes it hurts but it can go away in time if you let it. If you can not get over this in time, you might as well leave because it will never work.
2006-11-02 23:50:32 · answer #2 · answered by Flagger 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hello my Dear !
I feel for you ! I have gone through the same with my ex-wife but she was Lesbian and I found an e-mail from her girlfriend to her ! I am a sailor and I was also 100% faithful to her. I gave her a chance as she asked for forgiveness but as I came home I found out she was still e-mailing and calling her girlfriend. I did not expect that as she was crying SO much the day I forgave her and gave her another chance.
Usually in these cases they will continue to cheat, sorry that this sounds so harsh. The US has many good organizations to turn to for woman that have cheating husbands ! I am sure of that ! Just browse the internet as it is full of information.
If you decide to divorce, BE PREPARED, it is a long an nasty battle, cheating on partners is not the courts issue anymore, the one that has the most earnings will pay for spousal & child support. Get yourself a good lawyer as this will win you the battle ! All I hope is that when you guys do separate or divorce, ALLOW him to be part of your kids lives, my ex-wife has not done that and it is now in the courts. Sad to say for her, she lost everything and I did not loose much...I guess cause she had the attitude in court !
Take care and good luck ! I feel for you ! Hope you do the right thing cause I can give you all the advise BUT you still know what is best for you..and your kids..BUT think twice and don't feel sorry for him cause he did not either when he cheated on you !
2006-11-03 01:50:22 · answer #3 · answered by Worried man 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I went through the same thing. I know how much pain you are going through. Do you have family you could stay with? You need a support group - friends and family to help you right now. Do not stay there, it's like reliving the pain every minute you are in that house with him. If you do not have friends and family you can turn to, find out about legal assistance until you get on your feet. They might even be able to help you with housing, daycare, and job placement. You are not stuck, so don't think you are - you will make yourself crazy thinking you HAVE to stay with this man who cheated. Of course you love him, you always will - you married him and had babies with him, but at the same time that is not the man you married - he broke your vows and your heart.
2006-11-03 01:59:20 · answer #4 · answered by Carey L 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Leave him. If he lied to you about that, then he probably lied to you about other things and there is not telling when the lying will stop. Plus you have two kids together. If he cant see that this is affecting your family, then you should really let him go. Your familiy and friends should support your decision as long as you do the right thing. You deserve to be happy. Dont stay together for the kids, it will only make their lives worse becaues eventually they will realize that you two arent happy together and if you leave each other later, they will take it pretty hard. good luck
2006-11-03 00:19:56 · answer #5 · answered by liltrojan6 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Why do you really care about him not realizing how much houseing would cost him?
He's a cheater, and will remain one, because you have allowed it. IF he wasn't honest about the whole thing up front, then there's probably even more your not hearing.
Your just going to end up being one of those MAD HOUSEWIVES if you stay in your situation.
Sometimes it looks very dark and bleak, for those who must make a big change in life. Your fears will only lead you deeper down a black hole, and it will take you longer to crawl out of it, if you allow yourself to be dug deeper.
Think of the kids too, because he's NOT!!
2006-11-02 22:33:42 · answer #6 · answered by peggin_beast 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
My suggetion is that i think you and the kids will be able to survive on a centrelink payment along with child support from EX hubby... Why dont you try seperating and living in the same town for the sake of your kids. The thought that my bf would cheat on me makes me sick, i wouldn't want him in my house (personally). BE STRONG. Good luck with whatever you decide, and save all your love and energy 4 your precious kids.
2006-11-02 23:20:19 · answer #7 · answered by Bexx 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This is quite a bit to go through, even though he knew you knew and he was still sleeping with her. What a jerk.
I don't like getting in the middle of a family problem and separate them, I for the most try and keep couples together. There's usually a way to work out a problem even though one of the spouses did something "stupid" like being unfaithful. I can understand a "falling to the side of the road" once or even twice in a marriage, humans are fallible.
This jerk seems to be taunting you and testing how far your going to go.
I can't tell you to leave him, you already did in your own way but, the way you feel and how he treats it, I wouldn't give this relationship to much to go on.
Maybe a separation but, don't try and "get even" or anything as stupid as this. You have two kids to think about, they are not just "his" like you said, they are "yours" too.
Seek counseling first, get him to go. If he's facing separation he may go with you. Good luck.
2006-11-02 21:59:47 · answer #8 · answered by cowboydoc 7 · 1⤊ 1⤋
My own personal experience tells me that once a cheater, always a cheater. I was married to a man for 7 years together with him a total of 10 years and he cheated on me. When I met him and started dating, he had already cheated in one other relationship but swore that was all behind him. Needless to say I had to find out the hard way. We had two children together and I was raising them by myself even though he and I were still together. I finally got wise and left. Since then I have met an amazing man, married him and had a child with him. My ex was with the girl he cheated on me with, stayed with her a while, cheated on her and is now remarried to the girl that he had cheated on before he and I started dating! So go figure that out??? I would love to say that he would'nt ever do it again, but I don't want to give you false hope. Please don't stay with him because of your children. That was a big part of the reason why I stayed with my ex and it is not a good reason. You need to make a clean break. Don't let yourself get down either. I felt as though I would be a single mom with two kids, no one would want me, it would be hard making it on my own...etc etc. And part of it was right, it was hard being a single mom, but I busted my @ss and made it work. As far as no one wanting me that was totally wrong. My husband is the most amazing man and he loves all three of our children as his own. (My ex has little to nothing to do with my two oldest children) So keep your head up and don't let him take advantage of you! Best of luck!!!
2006-11-02 21:57:23 · answer #9 · answered by ddbach1 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Why ask a question on here and then stick up for your husband? There are always ways of getting out of the marriage. You can turn to one of your relatives so you can get on your feet. There is public assistance that will help you as well. If you are not willing to hear answers on here then I suggest you not ask them. Your asking a question and then responding with a comment like cannot do. Well if you are willing to stay with him then you need to work it out then because there is no easy answers to a question like this.
2006-11-03 05:12:39 · answer #10 · answered by luvlisteningtomusic 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋