How do I deal with a "tweenage" girl? She is 11 now. She was/is my angel, always been a perfect (and I mean perfect) child! She was raised well, and good temperment.
Now it's hormones, and I'm so scared of the teen years. I feel we may disconnect and that her friends will "pressure" her more than her family.
How do you deal with it/ Any good ideas?
2006-11-02 19:41:51 · 14 answers · asked by Anonymous in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Adolescent
From the time my daughter was a toddler we had what we called "slumber party" nights about twice a month. It was just a time for her and myself where I would go to HER level. Actually it was great fun for me, I got to be a toddler again myself and she got the joy of "playing" with mommy for real. It also kept the lines of communication open over the years and when the terrible twos blossomed into the torrentual teens those lines of communication were still open and we continued our "slumber party" nights. Now that she is almost 21, still living with mom we STILL have our "slumber party nights" but we go to our own bedrooms after pigging out on Godiva chocolates, ice cream, all kinds of chips and dips, soda and watch videos, play games, and talk about EVERYTHING. (I'm probably one of the few mom's on the planet who knows the exact date and time her daughter lost her virginity and to whom, etc) Not that I WANT to know everything. I'm not saying to try and be your daughter's best friend, just try to remember when you were her age, put yourself in her place once in awhile, it will also give you a new perspective on your own life.
2006-11-02 19:55:25 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 4⤊ 0⤋
I have 3 girls and they all were angels as little girls. Now that they are 16, 14, and 12, they are still good kids, although hormonal at times (if you know what I mean). Whatever you do keep the lines of communication open and she should be ok. My girls come to me and talk about everything believe me, I was worried at first but I remained hopeful because I knew that we have good relationships and it all worked out for the best. Good luck
2006-11-03 04:41:43 · answer #2 · answered by juicie813 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Just remember that you cannot fight every battle at this age. She will try your every nerve and alot of the stuff will be unimportant..just something to get a rise out of you. Think about it before you fight..I am not saying to let her have her way about everything..but try to find a way no resolve it by not starting a fight.
I would ask mine when they got moody of they thought they might lke some alone time, and suggested they go into their room and rest. Not to "send them to their room"..just as a suggestion and a way for us to both have a little down time. Stick by your values and do not worry if everyone else is doing whatever. if it does not feel right to you..it probably is not.
2006-11-02 23:06:15 · answer #3 · answered by JIM D 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I have 2 teen-aged daughters. They were perfect little girls until the age of 5 when they started school ... They developed their own little attitude... By the age of 12, they knew everything and I was a dummy!
Now they are 16 and 17, and my mom told me that I will like them again when they are about 21...LOL
Mom said that all teenagers have brain damage until at least 21....LOL
When your teen-ager tells you " I hate you " then you know you are doing your job right...LOL Good Luck
2006-11-02 19:50:29 · answer #4 · answered by Pats_girl 1 · 2⤊ 0⤋
As a relatively recent ex-teen (am 20) - I'll try with some advice... I'm sure I didn't start quite so young as 11, but I can tell you, it was rough! It's a difficult time because she'll be wanting more freedom but at the same time does still need you!
I think the idea is to begin to allow her more freedom (but be wary of her safety) and be there for her questions (even if she acts rebellious and as if she knows it all, it's likely that in the next few years she may have some questions about sex, relationships, finances - everything! And whilst she might not like you trying to give her lectures about these things, it's good if she knows she can ask you and feels comfortable doing so, as they can be difficult and awkward things to ask!)
Try to maintain good family relationships by doing things together like going to the movies etc - accept that sometimes she may not wish to join you or may prefer to do something with her friends. And sometimes may even be embarrassed to be seen with you!
If you can, try not to get to hurt by the things she says and does in the teen years - I had LOADS of arguments, particularly with my mother as it had been her who was so involved in much of my upbringing - we argued over everything imaginable, there was swearing and screaming and crying... but when it all came down to it, I still loved my Mum to bits! It hurt me incredibly when I hurt her, because I really hadn't meant to.
You said she's had a good upbringing - I'm sure all will go well! During my teen years I swore at my parents, tried smoking, tried marijuana... but the morals and good upbringing I received got me through - I never got into shop-lifting or bullying, and the drug experimentation stopped at that - I'm now a happy, healthy uni student and I have a wonderful relationship with my family - infact I miss them terribly and can't wait to go home for Christmas!
So yup, you'll quite possibly go to hell and back, it WON'T be easy (a quote my older sister told my Mum was that "raising teenagers is like nailing jello to a tree") - and sadly the teenage years can go on for a while! But when you get out the other side it is really worth it - my parents still have a parental role in that I look to them for advice from time to time - but they're more like best friends now, and we can share jokes and go out together for a coffee or a drink (something you can't do with a kid!). It gets better eventually! Best of luck :-)
2006-11-02 20:28:11 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
Let her know that you would like to have open communication with her and if she ever needed to come to you for advice no matter what you would be there. With out judgement. My mom always talked to me about my period what that meant, and she also gave me the sex talk. She told me that all the reasons I should wait. It actually helped me to keep my head on right. We had sex talks, drugs, alcohol, boys. If you make sure that you tell her that you are there with open arms. Trust her. If you don't trust her she will rebel. Also make boundaries. I am 21 now, and I thank my mom for her openness with me. It helped me through a lot. At first I was hesitant, but I was worked up to it. Make sure you start this now, because she will trust you. If you ever need advice on this, you can email me at JJaclyn85@yahoo.com.
2006-11-02 19:49:02 · answer #6 · answered by Jaclyn 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
You have to know that she may not always look to you for advice anymore. She's exploring things on her own, her body is changing, things are happening that she may not understand....you have to be there for her, talk to her, ask questions, get involved....you don't have to pressure her, if she knows that you are there for her anytime she needs to talk to you, and if she know that you aren't going to "freak out" on those "touchy subjects" she will be more likely to come to you when she needs advice about something. The number one thing to remeber....Choose your battles (there will be some power struggles) and...Don't sweat the small stuff... Good luck!
2006-11-03 04:37:08 · answer #7 · answered by lil_rowdy1 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You just have to give them some space. And yes she will disconnect from her family and begin spending more time with her friends but that's a normal part of growing up. Just allow her to grow up and become her own person and it will get better
2006-11-03 05:19:12 · answer #8 · answered by barbieisagoddess 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Deal with her intelligently and stop looking at YA for important life changing guidance.
Think before you react.
Think before you speak.
Be a positive role model.
Be flexible when you can.
Be inflexible when you are willing to deal with the consequences.
2006-11-02 19:45:04 · answer #9 · answered by OU812 5 · 3⤊ 0⤋
just like talk to her about things don't hold back my sister is going through that time in her life too and me and my mom both like talk to her about things like boys and peer pressure and all that i honestly wish that i had an older sister to talk to because when i was around that age me and my mom didn't get along but when i got to be in high school we got real close i went/ go to my mom for advice and everything and you have to let her know that she can rely on you for advice and just someone to talk to but still make it clear that you still are the parent
good luck!!
2006-11-02 19:48:44 · answer #10 · answered by julieelise32604 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋