I am 29 weeks pregnant, i have to stay in and my partner goes to the pub. is this right?

Question

I wouldnt mind but he never takes me out anywhere! all we do is stay in and watch t.v. we split up before because of this, ive had enough now i feel like crap, what should i do. Im desparate for some good advice!

I dont go to the pub i hate thr places as i dont drink or smoke! we are saving for a place to rent and he spends all his money on x box's while im the one buying baby stuff and saving money. he said i couldnt buy a nu coat !!!!

Answer 1

I'm currently 37 weeks pregnant and faced a somewhat similiar issue. I had signs of preterm labor and so going out was really limited. I've had cabin fever like mad! Of course that just exacerbates things with my husband.

The thing is - if you can't go out (i.e. your doctor has effectively placed you under house arrest) then I don't think you should begrudge him the chance to get out of the house and expel some frustration. That being said, it doesn't mean that your life should just consist of reruns. I think its fair to ask him to help you find ways to make being stuck at home more bearable. Perhaps like playing board games w/ favors as prizes - i.e. a massage or whatnot. Maybe you guys can occasionally do a themed take out and movie night.

Now if he's just going out on his own, and you can go out, but he just opts not to invite you - thats not right. Being pregnant is stressful and messes with your head enough without added pressure. Think really hard about the situation, be as honest as you can with yourself. Sort out which complaints are truly valid and which aren't. Also think if there is anything you're doing to exacerbate the situation. Once you have a very clear idea in your head where you're coming from, you need to let him know.

I'd been upset over a few things and I had to sit and think about which parts were valid and which were me and my hormones, so that when I sat down to have a discussion with my husband I could be clear. This was after a couple failed attempts of explaining my position in which a torrent of everything that was bugging me came out of my mouth. The end result being that my husband was overwhelmed and defensive. However, when I had truly sorted it out in my head and discussed it, it was rocky, but eventually we were able to come to an understanding and things have been just worlds and worlds better.

Impending parenthood can really mess with the guys too and it helps to put yourself in their position (if only to better counter their arguments - lol). Its really easy when your partner does something that just isn't right to get so caught up in being upset that you can lose the ability to understand where they are coming from and therefore understand why the problem is there to begin with - and then be able to work on fixing it.

It may sound like I'm saying to let the guy off the hook - and thats not it at all. I don't think being male is an adequate excuse for being insensitive/ uncaring. But I do think the better you understand your position the better its going to be explaining to him why your upset. I think a lot of times men just get defensive because they don't understand whats going on.

Good luck with your pregnancy and being stuck at home - believe me I feel you. Pick up some good books, take lots of baths - helped me:)

Answer 2

Do you mean every night? Or just once in a while?

If it's regular behavior, I think this is a good indicator of what kind of parent he will be.

Certainly try talking to him about your feelings, but don't get your hopes up for a big change. He already knows his behavior is inappropriate and selfish. Staying in a bad relationship just to have a father (sometimes) in the household is not going to be better for you baby. Think about how you want to raise your baby, how much family support you will receive and how likely it is that he'll decide to be an active parent, then you can make a better decision about what to do with him.

On the other hand, if it's just once in a while to blow off steam, lighten up. Maybe you can work out a compromise where everyone is happy. He can go to the pub one week and go with you the next.

Answer 3

You really need to discuss this with him! Of course you shouldn't be drinking cause of foetal alcohol syndrome, and in all honesty I wouldn't recommend soft-drinks like coke or anything either - they're really not good for anyone - but unless it's the type of pub where they punch women in the stomach, there is absolutely NO reason why you shouldn't be able to go along to the pub too! I'm sure they provide orange juice and stuff... if you'd like to go out for dinner or to the movies and can both afford it, then that'd be good to - you need fun, and goodness you need it now (getting out of the house doesn't get any easier once the baby's born!)

He may want some time alone with his mates, as you might like some time alone with yours (and this could be good for you, too!) but if it's an all-the-time heading out and leaving you thing, you should really talk to him about it and work it out.

Answer 4

Well, you could go to the pub... I assume you won't imbibe because you want a healthy baby, but what about the cigarette smoke?

There are other, healthier places you could both go to, like a restaurant that doesn't allow smoking, a movie, a play, etc. How about a picnic? Maybe you should call some girlfriends and have them come over? Don't whine about your guy, do something!

Good luck!

Answer 5

Normally-I would not brain my gigantic different going out and ingesting, even throughout a being pregnant, due to the fact that I believe him one hundred% and realize he could no longer do whatever to harm me. BUT, you're correct, due to the fact that you're complete time period, you would cross into exertions at whenever. If there's a danger that you simply probably going into exertions, I could no longer be comfy with him going and getting inebriated. He should not desire to both, due to the fact that what should you do cross into exertions? That must be a memorable time, no longer a time wherein the daddy to be is inebriated. It style of indicates his individual if he's urgent the drawback. Unfortunately, I suppose all you ought to do this is state your needs and the way you're in opposition to it, after which should you do cross into exertions, both do not inform him, he can discover out whilst he will get dwelling from ingesting/partying, or you'll textual content/name him and maintain it in opposition to him without end. And if you do not cross into exertions, you'll nonetheless be mad at him for definitely opting for anything over you, whom is quite gentle correct now. I would not say yet another factor approximately it should you've already advised him your perspectives on it, simply play the silent sport approximately it, exhibit him that you're quite disappointed by means of it, by means of being the larger man or woman. I wish you would not have many extra disorders with him like this hun. And well success! I have a surgeon's appointment in these days, hoping my little one comes in these days!!! But doubt it's going to occur, certainly Tuesday.

Answer 6

if he goes out all the time then its a hard habit to break, hes a slime ball but then again you let him knock you up, so that was your decision. If he goes out maybe once a month, not so bad, your being hard on him. If its all the time then thats the way he is, either accept him as is, come to a REASONABLE middle ground or move on to someone who will be there for you more. I would say you deserve better, but i dont know you, maybe there is a reason he spends nights away drinking.

Answer 7

This is so wrong, just because you are pregnant doesn't mean you have to be a couch potato! I would tell him how you feel, and if nothing changes it would be wise to move on... You could come to a lot of conclusions as to why he isn't taking you anywhere but that's another discussion! Think wisely about what you want for you and your child, then follow your heart!

Answer 8

I know how you feel now, and it doesn't end here. Pretty soon you will be at home 24/7 with baby and he will still be going out! There's not much you can say now, but when the baby comes insist you take turns being the one who gets to go out and use his behavior now as leverage.

Answer 9

you are pregnant -- you shouldn't be going to the pub. if you feel you have to you could always take yourself. but pouring vodka on your baby is just plain wrong. you need to do things to make yourself feel less trapped at home. rent some movies and cook yourself a nice dinner and let him go to the pub. cook nice enough dinners he will get jealous. if hes not doing it for you learn to do for yourself. no point in waiting for something that isn't going to happen.

Answer 10

Well, let's just say I've been there and done that... in fact I bought the T-shirt....lol

I think its okay once in a while, but if it becomes habit forming, then you have a problem....

When I was pregnant I didn't want to hang in a bar room.... Unfortunately my beau did.... He spent more time with his friends in bars then he did with me, and when the baby came.... he was not home enough and needless to say... he's GONZO!!
If your man can't be there for you now, he may not be around when you really need him.... sorry, but good luck to you