Wanting more sexual excitement in marriage?

Question

We've been married almost 16 years. I know from past experience that I could give good oral sex, but my wife isn't interested in it. She likes to kiss for 5 minutes, have coitus for 5 minutes, clean up and go to sleep. Every time. Never a change. We have two positions, and I am desperate for something new. Is this all there is??? How can I get her to try new things?? We've talked about this. She's read a book about oral sex, but still can't let it go longer than 3 or 4 minutes before she's ready for the "main course" and getting it over with. Should I feel guilty for complaining?

I do try to give her oral sex. She doesn't let it ever go longer than a few minutes before coitus. If I try to take her to orgasm orally she gets mad and I have to stop.

Answer 1

Dear Jon,

You have already taken the first -- and often the hardest -- step just by asking for help and wanting to do something to fix a sex life that needs a passion injection. I do hope you realise that maybe she is being overworked or too tired this aspect has to seen by you. Now, here's what I'd do:

First up, don't beat yourself up about this. have you got got children around ? (God bless them) children are a definite lust dampener. You're tired most of the time and have little privacy, so I wouldn't put unrealistic expectations on your sex life -- it's unlikely you've got the time or energy for wild, passionate sex seven nights a week. Instead, set aside some time on the weekend, preferably at a time when you're both a little relaxed. It's not sex time, it's just time for the two of you to connect. Do you have a support system -- maybe grandparents or friends who wouldn't mind baby-sitting for a few hours over the weekend? Talk to your wife and tell her you think you both need private time together to do something nice. Let her help you organize this, and ask that her make it a priority -- that she not organize anything else for that time.

Once you've done that, start by simply doing sensuous things together, rather than having sex. Offer to give her a massage (few people will resist) or have a bath together. The aim initially isn't to have both of you frothing at the mouth with passion, just to connect so you feel more intimate. Once you're feeling braver, move it onto sex. Maybe during the massage, you take your top off. we're all a bit shy when it comes to sex -- particularly when suggesting something new. So again, it's quite normal. Start communicating through body language first. When your wife does something you like, over-exaggerate your body language: moan a little, move closer, kiss her harder. When she does something you don't like, move your body away so the message is equally as clear. Once you start doing this, you'll feel more confident. Then you can try talking to her during sex. Initially, just make a noise. Say ''Ummm'' or ''That's nice.'' It's funny, but once you've broken the silence, it's pretty easy from there to say ''Don't stop now'' or ''Honey, could you do that for longer?'' Once you've done all that, that's the time to make things racier. You need to work up to it, so you're both comfortable together first.

Then it's very easy to suggest something that you'd like to try. Just say, ''I read in the paper today/a friend was telling me/I saw a TV show about ..." whatever it is you'd like to try. Sure, it's a white lie, but who's telling? Say you'd like to try watching a racy film. Why not say, ''I read in the paper today that 60 percent of couples like watching sexy films. Who'd have thought?'' You'll be able to tell by her response what she thinks about it. If she looks interested, say, ''How about we get one out, just for a laugh, this weekend?'' A great way to suggest things that are wild is also to say ''I had a dream last night where you and I were making love outside/doing (whatever you'd like to try).'' Again, it's foolproof because if she looks aghast or uninterested, all you need to say is ''Yes, it was a weird dream! I don't know where that came from.'' If she looks interested, it's pretty easy then to move on to, ''Maybe there's something in it. Why don't we give it a try?''
Just remember slow and easy dont rush things or dont start an argument.
Good Luck>r

Answer 2

And every other area of your marriage is fine? Sometimes other issues in the marriage can affect the sex life.

Maybe you could set up a "fantasy-filled" evening for her that would allow her to step outside her "5 minute sex box." Try doing something new, sensual, and a little nasty and see where it goes. GIve her a few glasses of wine first, though.

I wouldn't mention to her that you know from past experience that you give good oral sex. This would totally turn her off to ever having it!

Answer 3

Do you also give oral sex? If not you shouldn't complain at all. I think since she tries you should at least give her credit; some women don't even go that far. What is normal for you may not be normal for her.

Maybe something from her past made her feel sex was dirty. Try talking gently to her about this. Find out why she does this and if you can't accept the reason see a marriage councelor.

Answer 4

this can't be sex therapy, there is not enough information, maybe you have kids and she can be actually holding up, because may not want to get their attention.
I'm telling you, my wife can be wild in bed and off the bed, everywhere, but one thing she won't do is quit thinking about "did you lock the door?" "are they listening?" "I don't hear the kids, what are they doing?".
If I want to have great sex, the kids have to be off somewhere, and that almost never happens, because we are overprotective.
so, we just may enjoy what we can get, mostly we practice the "anesthetic position" and I explain; as soon as I inject her she falls asleep.... nah, that's a joke, don't go telling.
Truth is, if we can I'll make love to her untill she squirts (literally), but if not, at least, kissing, rubbing and quietly loving each other is better than nothing at all. though it has to last more than 10 minutes, please!!!

Answer 5

it relatively is great which you recognize your female chum's desires. It takes a real gentleman to be waiting to try this. i'm additionally waiting until marriage for intercourse for many sturdy motives, yet i for my area am keen to do each little thing yet intercourse. each female is different, so ask her what she is comfortable doing. She won't be comfortable doing something good now. another ideas are making out, groping, cuddling, physique massages, and different different issues you need to do with out clothing on. Masturbate in a single yet another's corporation. Oral intercourse is likewise great. Use your palms and your mind's eye...there's a great sort of opportunities! in basic terms confirm which you're the two comfortable doing those issues, and consistently be sure she's waiting. hopefully, you're in a sturdy courting until now you attempt any of those issues out.

Answer 6

She thinks she is doing the bare minimum and actually she is.

That may be as good as it gets my friend..............

It should not be and way too many wives do not understand how important oral sex is to a man.

Many cheat over this one issue, so take heed ladies and take care of your man.

Answer 7

your wife needs to cut loose and learn about passion, she sounds totally shut down sexually. I used to be a little like that but as i have gotton older i have learned to open up and express my own desires, and i have gotton to experience extacy in a way i never knew existed! maybe if you get her buzzed and have a deep and real talk about how much you desire her and how sexy she is, maybe she will respond openly. it turns me on, to turn my husband on

Answer 8

There is different types of fore play. Try role playing, porn videos and bondage to name a few, tie her up, blind fold her and possibly gag her, then you do your thing, she may want to repay the favor

Answer 9

You & Her select some porn, in the evening after a few drinks, you & wife watch some porn together...Kind of a warm up and imagination expander..

Answer 10

dont feel guilty, id say time for a divorce, she obviously isnt interested in you, sounds like a one-way relationship. all you do is give and she only takes. why are you still with her?