how could I help my wife?

Question

am a married person. One day I told playfully about another girl to my wife that the girl is beautiful. The girl was working in my office. From that day my wife have become upset and she is suspicious that I have illegal contacts with her.
I told many times that I have told for fun but could not make my wife believe me. Now We are in the stage of total upset. Everyday we quarrel each other. I have no idea of how to clear her suspicion.

I really love my wife very much. But now we both hate each other. I want to help my wife to recover from this because of me she has lost very hope in our family life..

Plse give me some suggestions and ideas

Answer 1

Vinod,

I have written a message for a group that focus on abuse and troubled marriages called Marriage His duties Her duties. It is in the link below but in it, I do explain that women need to feel secure in their marriage. If her husband is looking around, she may not feel secure. Husbands need to feel worthwhile and that they are needed and if his wife is always complaining about how he does something, he will not feel appreciated. Read this and see if it helps

Answer 2

Hi,
If you quarrel often,after the incident gives it another angle. I am sure you must have tried mundane things like telling her you love her a lot. Obviously that has not worked.

possible causes
-------------------------
a)
Women like men need physical , emotional and financial security. From your description, I am not sure whether your wife has the remaining two. If she works, then financial security is not an issue. From your description, I am not sure of that.

Sometimes, there might be an internal feeling of insecurity on the financial side, that adding emotional insecurity is the last straw.

b) The other cause could be that she got into some kind of depression, due to this and/or some other issue that has been bugging her for some time. Depressed people become irritable and always blame others and quickly loose their self-esteem. The more the quarrel, they feel bad about this, but they go into a sprial where the blame others for that.

c) Ask yourself the following questions
Do you know the top three challenges she faces in her life ?
(Excluding the recent issue you have)
How much have you helped her in overcoming those. If you
do not know, find them

possible solutions
------------------------
I suggest a multi- pronged approach
a) invest in her financial security and make her feel confident of herself
b) Please stop hating her, even if she quarrels. your love for her is incompatible with your (albeit temporary ) hate for her. Always approach with the same love, even though she might be irritable or agitated. Please note that you started the issue, so approach the issue as you would enjoy the antics of a lovely child. Your continuous loving response would calm her down and possibly get her out of the depression. First thing is always be patient and never react to her tantrums or even if she discusses you with her friends.. That makes it worse.
c) Give her a surprise to show her your love.
d) Show her how important she is for your well being. For example explain to her how her earlier love and care has benefited you in some success at your office.
e) Completely stop unwanted interactions with her. For example change your cell phone and do not have any interactions with this girl. Show your wife that you value her more than any body else
f) Start a common activity with her every week where you spend time with her. You may have to please her to even to get her
to accept. Easily done, if it is an activity that she likes
The fact that you have come out and asked a question, indicates your earnest desire to resolve the issue.
Good luck

Answer 3

Well I hope you have learned that words can either build a relationship or destroy it. And if there is one thing a man should never do, is say that another woman, (especially one he works with) is beautiful! That shouldn't of been done even as a joke or playfully as you put it. Of course, she was going to think that something is going on for you to make so much out of it. You say something that doesn't make much sense, "I told many times that I have told for fun but could not make my wife believe me." So you told her this many times?? And if you did, what did you expect to get out of it? She is giving you exactly what you wanted. So is the game fun now? Because from the sound of it, the trust between the both of you, is really broke down if not gone. Trust is a hard thing to recover from. It takes, not just a small amount of time and so many, "I'm sorry's," but it could take years. My best suggestion would be to seek out a marriage counselor. Your at that point now, either that or a divorce lawyer. And if this woman is still working with you, you have also ruined her life as well. Because as long as she works with you, your wife will never trust you.

Answer 4

Your wife obviously has self esteem issues. She needs to get some help for that. She's probably worried that you are going to cheat on her with this other woman just because the other woman is beautiful but, reassure your wife that you love her and not the other woman. Let your wife know that you think she is beautiful *even if she's not as good looking as the other woman*.

Answer 5

well i am a woman and married i would not like my husband talking about another woman and her beauty. if ya own the company fire her, if not then call your wife often and have her meet you at work so ya can go to lunch together, let her see that the other woman aint nothing for her to be jealous of, maybe taking her around her , she will get the feeling you two are just employees of the same company

Answer 6

If she don't believe you then it's on her. Women want you to fall into their "head games" and once you start pleading for her acceptance when you have done nothing wrong then you will be a sniveling dork the rest of your life....grab her by the shoulders look her in the eyes and tell her you've had enough of the dumb arguments.....drop it or take a hike! do tell her you wish she would stay but after that ......if she's still buggin.....TO THE CURB WITH HER....life is too short

Answer 7

You may love your wife very much but the problem is that there is lack of confidence b/w you thats why she dont beleive you. You both love each other but without trusting and confidence. No doubts that love build trust and confidence, so pls build her confidence, I hope she will believe. Give her a special attention and avoid any misconduct from both side that may break your relationship. God bless you both.

Answer 8

You could tell her that you were talking about inner beauty and involve your wife with some work activites so she can see for herself that there is nothing going on. Then you could take every opportunity to make your wife feel special and show her how much you love her.

Answer 9

Reassure her over and over, until you are tired of saying it, that you WON'T CHEAT ON HER.

Tell her that she's beautiful. Remind her of why you love her. Go completely out of your way to make her feel special. Don't give in to the arguing if you want it to stop -- turn it into something positive instead. I'm not saying walk away, I'm saying focus positively on her. And just keep reassuring her that you are being true to her and you always will be.

And don't make the same mistake again.

Answer 10

You made a mistake by telling your wife that another woman was "beautiful." That stings a woman. She most likely feels rejected by you, and you need to prove that it is her you love. If the marriage is salvagable, I would reccomend counseling. If you are not in a job that you absolutely need, find another one to emphasize your point that there is nothing going on between you and the "beautiful" one.