I am in a very serious relationship that will almost definitely result in marriage. My boyfriend occasionally watches porn (not more than a few times a week). It makes me uncomfortable, but I understand that it is a "guy thing" and all that, especially since we are long distance. However, I asked him to promise me to give it up completely once we are together and married. He got angry and would not agree even when I explained at length why I don't like porn (there are several reasons). Only when I basically made him choose between me and pornography did he agree to cut it out of his life once I am wearing his ring. Is this an absolutely ridiculous thing for a woman to ask?
2006-11-02 16:48:37 · 25 answers · asked by Pepper 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I have no doubt that if he says he will give it up, he WILL give it up. There is no doubt in my mind that his promise is a promise even when it comes to porn. There are no trust issues here, and that includes cheating -- I am aware that porn will not lead to him cheating. I just don't approve of porn, period. I believe it's degrading and disgusting. Yes I am pretty conservative but my boyfriend likes that about me -- he doesn't think 'prude' is a bad thing.
2006-11-02 17:02:36 · update #1
No, it's not a ridiculous thing to ask. If I dated a guy who watched porn, i'd be asking the same thing of him. watching porn just opens the relationship up to jealousy and adultery.
contrary to popular belief, there are MANY men who don't watch porn! so you don't have to put up with that from your man!
2006-11-02 16:51:58 · answer #1 · answered by mighty_power7 7 · 5⤊ 4⤋
Personally? I would say it is ridiculous.. Why base you relationship through 'porn'? It doesn't mean that if a guy watches porn, he's a maniac and would do things to break a relationship. It is a guy thing anyway and no normal guy would live his whole life without it.. My dad is married with my mom for almost 25 years and he still watches porn and my mom definitely don't mind..
Don't believe when people say that 'porn would wreck a relationship because it causes adultery' and things like that.. People only say those things becase (1) they don't even have BFs who watches porns; (2) they don't have BFs before; (3) they don't completely trust their partners. No offense meant on this people.. First of all, why do you even ask him to stop? I know you said it made you feel uncomfortable.. But why does it makes you uncomfortable? Could it be that your jealous of whoever is at the screen? Again.. It's just an assumption.. I'm not saying that you are jealous..
I think I also know why he got angry.. Asking him that request seems like you don't trust him.. Are you that type of girl who thinks that "If my man watches porn, he would definitely find a woman like the one on video and leave me in the dark"? Guys watch porn.. It's in their hormones.. Ever tried watching one with him.. Try it when you two get married.. When you asked him that question, it's like your invading his personal space and at the same time, telling him indiscreetly that you don't trust him.. Besides, forbidding him to watch only leads him to watch behind you back which leads to a broken promise and leads to a childish fight..
Think about all these.. ^-^
2006-11-02 16:55:49 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 2⤋
Well to be perfectly honest I understand why you would ask that of him however I also know of a girl that had the same problem and asked her guy the same thing and he agreed only for her to find out that he continued watching, He just didnt tell her about it. Also when you marry someone you take the good with the bad and you love them no matter what. So even if he agrees to quit there is always the possibility he just wont tell you.
2006-11-02 16:54:41 · answer #3 · answered by kp 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I think that you have every right to ask that of him. You are his wife, if he wants to be aroused or excited it should be with you. I think that if he looks a porn that often that it is not normal and that it is safe to say he looks a heck of a lot of images... Now if you are the kind of girl who enjoys watching it too then it might be something that you can enjoy together. The trouble is that you can ask him to cut the porn out of his life once you are married and he may want to and not be able to... porn is addictive and if he had free reign to watch it before I doubt he can flip a switch when he chooses to. You need to watch this and stay on it. Good Luck.
2006-11-02 17:48:42 · answer #4 · answered by No More 7 · 2⤊ 1⤋
Do you have sex after watching? well if you dou does he try out the tricks he learns from the porn he watches? Do you enjoy the love making or do get more annoyed? Will he stop? Only your guy can answer that! But if it makes you unconfortable, well he should stop it you know to show you that he cares about your feelings and they matter to him. Good luck in your marriage sweettie, i mean it!
2006-11-02 17:21:42 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
ABSOLUTELY NOT!!! You have every right!!! Think about it, if he continues to watch it when you get married it may not seem that big of a deal, but it may turn out to be a bigger problem if he cheats on you. I know what you are thinkig " he loves he too much to do that". But think about it, porn is a way to satisfy a person's needs and if you do not get it under control he may need someone else to satisfy his needs and it won't be you. Sorry that it sounds so harsh but the truth hurts.
2006-11-02 17:05:12 · answer #6 · answered by Jessica Renee 3 · 2⤊ 1⤋
He's just going to watch it behind your back. You should get over your hang ups about pornography. Guys like all normal people masturbate and men are very visual. My fiancee watches porn. We've talked about it. I used to think it was terrible but, it's really not that bad. It's actually quite amusing and makes me laugh when I watch it. I just don't think about it anymore. It's not cheating and I don't believe that it's unhealthy. It's not like I don't masturbate. The porn doesn't disrupt our sex life so, I let it be.
2006-11-02 16:55:23 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 1⤋
I think porn is funny to watch. I've watched it with my sisters and friends and hubby a couple times.
Try this... put on a porno and mute the sound... then let the sound play from a disney movie on stereo... it's hilarious!!! Tell him he can only watch it like that... ruin it for him!!
2006-11-02 17:12:57 · answer #8 · answered by smartie_pantalones 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I think it was wrong of you to make him choose. It is almost never a good idea to give someone an ultimatum.
My hubby watches porn on the weekends before I wake up. I have no problem with it. It doesn't hurt our relationship. Especially when he wakes me up after watching.
2006-11-02 17:52:09 · answer #9 · answered by theoriginalquestmaker 5 · 2⤊ 2⤋
Yes he should be a man and quit. You should consider not marrying this pervert. Seems that he is a bottomless pit which cannot be satisfied, this sort of filthiness gets worse. He will be putting you down for not preforming "like them"..it will stress and wear you out . You will be nothing but a piece of meat to him. Adultery and abuse follow. My sister lived it it is awful. She divorced him. He refused to buy her things for basic living she needed around the house yet had no problem forking out $$ for porn material. If you alone cannot satisfy this person ...You should not marry him.
2006-11-02 17:06:14 · answer #10 · answered by sunshine 4 · 2⤊ 2⤋