Parenting Question Re: Smoking?

Question

I have just caught my 16 year old son smoking cigarettes. He drives his own car, and I was running to the grocery store to get some stuff for my wife and I to eat dinner. I saw him driving down a main road puffing away in his car. I have never smelled it on him, or in his car for that matter, and I go to his car often to check things out. He is a straight A student, very smart, and I am clueless as to why he would do this.

He says he's been smoking for over 2 Years, and It just about broke my heart. That means he's been smoking since 9th Grade. He's a Jr this year.

He smokes a half a pack (I am assuming 10 cigarettes) a day. This is unbeleivable I am in shock.

I found a half carton of Marlboro cigarettes in his car wedged up under the seat, and this is so troubling because I am a non-smoker.

PLEASE help me, any advice? I haven't given him a punishment yet, I told him I needed time to think. And I do.

Oh and also.. he told me he does not want to quit and never will.. this is troubling, because I will not allow a smoker in my home.

Answer 1

I personally dont understand how people in our society can be so educated, but still stupid enough to smoke. But at the same time, there are a lot of other things we do to ourselves that are just as bad, if not worse. Being overweight, or not eating healthy is just as irresponsible. Driving recklessly, or when you are tired is dangerous to you AND others. Drinking in excess is obviously stupid as well. Not to mention the fact that sleeping around these days is like playing russian roulette with your life. I guess what I'm saying is, we ALL fall short and we ALL do things that are bad for our health or put others in danger. Heck, just drinking soda, or using products with aspartame is idiodic and bad for you. Express your feelings to your son, give him a chance to open up about WHY he does it, and DONT YELL. The louder you yell, the less you will be heard. Lets just pray that smoking is the only dumb thing he does, and if it is, consider yourself lucky, but at least offer to support and help him whenever he decides to quit.

Answer 2

Well, I'm 16, so don't call me a hypocrite or anything... Your parents don't want you smoking because (A) They don't want you to get cancer (B) At the age of 16, it's illegal (unless you live in some weird area I suppose), and (C) They love you! They just want what's best for you. They worry, that's why they're your 'rents. The friends thing... they probably think your friends got you into it (which, knowing us, they probably did) and maybe they've heard about things that you or they did. You are probably one of those kids who's out till 12 doing god knows what (nothing bad... ;]) and they are worried about what you are doing, where you are going, etc... My suggestion is to cut down on smoking (at least infront of them), or lie and say you quit... and DONT GET CAUGHT IN SCHOOL!! Haha, no offence, of all the dumb things to do... smoking at school is stupid, just keep your head out of trouble. Also, invite your friends over. Tell them to say all the right things, and get on your parents good side... a little brown nosing should do the trick, just not too much or they'll be suspicious... just work causally, and don't make ANYTHING obvious. But I WILL TELL YOU, SMOKING IS STUPID! DOING IT IN SCHOOL IS WORSE! YOUR FRIENDS ARE PROBABLY DUMB@SSES, AND YOU NEED TO GET A CLUE!!!

Answer 3

You can provide him with some alternatives to cigarettes--maybe offer him gum, the patch etc. At least ground him for a week or two but then just let it go. I started smoking when i was 15 and smoked until i was 18--sometimes 2 packs a day. Eventually i just kind of outgrew the habit. So give him some time and he'll quit on his own

Answer 4

at this point... you can't punish him he'll just rebel more. People smoke because it's a preference. Have you ever had a drink? done something your parents didn't want you to do? Well look at it like this. As long as he's not doing it in the house or around you. You really can't stop him. You punish him, what's going to happen? He'll get mad and then the punishment will stop and back to the smoking think throughly

Answer 5

This is a toughy. Me being 16 myself, I understand the peer pressure. (I don't personally smoke though.) If I were in this kind of situation, I think I would try to get through to him by talking. Tell him how dissapointed you are. That is always more painful than grounding to me. Stay calm but assertive. If my parents yell at me, I just start getting an attitude and don't listen. If you still can't make him understand how terrible it is, bring in some medical facts. Print the most gruesome, most terrifying facts off the internet to try and "scare" him away from it. If you can, take him to a doctor and have him/her explain the dangers of smoking.

I don't know what else to say. I'm sorry that you're going through this. I hope I helped in some way.

Answer 6

Well they learn the damages of smoking at school. So show him. Take him to where people are dying from it. Or maybe it's a fad and he will outgrow it. It would be sad for a 16 year old to be put out of his home for smoking, especially a straight A student. Demand that he never bring the smell into your home, and take the car, until he quits

Answer 7

Don't allow this to drive a wedge between you and your son. I agree that you should make sure that he knows what can happen. But the truth is, if he's going to smoke, you won't be able to stop him. I wouldn't allow him to bring it into the house, and if you pay for his car and/or insurance, you surely have every right to use it as punishment. I would just be glad that out of all the horrible things he could be doing, that you just caught him smoking.

Answer 8

When my mom caught me smoking, I told her the same thing your son told you. My punishment was that i got my car taken away and i had to ride the bus to and from school, I also could not watch tv or see friends. I was unable to resume my normal life until i was smoke free for 2 weeks. I don't know if it's gonna help but i tried.

Answer 9

I understand you are upset. You have every right to NOT allow smoking in your home.

Unfortunately we, as parents, can't control what they do when they walk out the front door.... we can teach them right from wrong and teach them about consequences to their wrong doings, but if they are going to smoke, they are going to smoke.... I'm sorry but I don't think there is much you can do.
Punishing him is NOT going to get him to quit.

Answer 10

1. Take away the car. The car is enabling him to smoke... in other words.. the car is enabling him to do things you do not approve of. Only let him drive IF he's going to and from work and you CAN'T take him. Remember anytime he drives with out you... he can do what you don't want him to do.

2. Help him quit smoking. If he's been smoking for two years... he probably has a pretty big habit. Get a nicotine patch or something similiar. Assure him you are there FOR him, not against him.

You say your confused, but look at the facts. 1) He's smoking against your wishes. 2) His having cigarettes is against the law (he's a minor). 3) He has been hiding this activity for two years. Thus he's been lying to you for two years. Is he lying about anything else? 4) Smoking will absolutely reduce his life span... no doubt.. and it's a slow painful death of suffication.

So.. don't feel guilty... take his car.. hold him accountable for what he's done wrong. Plus.. help him kick the habit.

Hope this helps and good luck.

Ok.. just read the rest of it. He TELLS YOU... he's never gonna quit???? Who's the parent here? Stand your ground.. hold him accountable... be the parent... and don't feel guilty about it!

Answer 11

Just be glad he isn't doing drugs or something worse.. Every kid experiments with different things. If you make a big deal about it he'll probably rebel even more .. just let him know the dangers, but don't freak out be psycho parent.