is now raising my sister's four boys with their father.
How in God's name am I supposed to forgive this woman?
I try, for my sister's sake. She made some sort of peace with it.
Why can't I?
My nephews seem to be okay. Except the oldest. He is 15. He knows what has transpired.
HELP!
2006-11-02 16:02:26 · 14 answers · asked by rvogelpohl2001 4 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
life is so complicated. i don't know how you can make peace with this, i suggest pretending you like her every time your there, make her your friend even if it makes you gag. your responses to her will fuel the 15 yr olds hatred. this will not end well if this happens. for the sake of your sisters children be the best sister you can by loving her children and her husband and their new step mum, she would want this, she would want them to grow up being loved and feeling comfortable in their own home. put the past in the past and move forward. i am not saying this will be easy, but in the end you will have adult nephews who will be well adjusted and happy and will therefore be great men. i will be thinking of you. i know the sadness that losing someone to cancer brings and the added burden of the situation just makes it a little hard, but you can do it.
2006-11-02 16:17:07 · answer #1 · answered by sunirose2 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
This is a terrible situation and I can see how you would be bothered by this but for the sake of the children it would be best if you could find it within yourself to forgive this woman.
There isn't anything you can do about it and even if there was would you? You say the boys seem to be fine so she must care for them well. Just remember she is as less perfect as the rest of us.
For the sake of the 15 yo try to help him understand that nobody is perfect and mistakes were made. But now although I'm sure he misses his mother he still has many people who love and care about him very much - including his father and this woman. He is entering a very hard time of life and if he cannot find forgiveness it will only make him bitter.
2006-11-02 16:13:22 · answer #2 · answered by ? 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Your nephews need a place to have a regular everyday life, and if they are getting that from their father and his "other" women, then try to leave it be.
Your anger won't rectify what wrong was done to your sister, and someday the boys will deal with that issue with their father. Helping the fifteen year old smooth things over so he doesn't live everyday angry might help you in the process.
Your brother in law will have to answer some tough questions someday from his sons, and that will be the day he pays for his disrespect. Be open to talk about things when asked from your nephews, but don't be the person keeping the hostile grudge because it just won't help.
2006-11-02 16:13:50 · answer #3 · answered by BuffyFromGP 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I'm sorry about your sister's plight. But harboring anger or hatred in your heart for that other woman will just rob you away from restful sleeps and peace of mind.
And I think that your sister will only be at peace with God when you forgive that other woman who is now the stepmother of her children. Eliminate that feeling of anger in your heart and replace it with forgiveness and acceptance of things that can never be changed anymore.
Try to see the good character of that other woman and let it overpower whatever sin she did against your sister. In due time, I'm sure, your feeling of resentment against her will be replaced with understanding and appreciation if ever she becomes a good stepmother to your nephews.
All the best.
2006-11-02 16:11:34 · answer #4 · answered by Ruzzo 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
on no account....on a similar time as your sister could be waiting to forgive such an action...the time to heal pronounced -wounds- is gonna be distinctive for all. walk out and circulate which incorporate your dad to get some eggnog or some thing and save remote from what ought to take place it incredibly is a great argument breaking out and ruining the holiday for each individual then.
2016-10-21 04:34:32 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
read a book called "The Sunflower" by Simon Weisenthal.
The gist is Simon, in the consentration camp, is asked by a dying Nazi guard to forgive him for all the evils the guard did to him.
The book is about the nature of forgiveness. At the very least, it will help you come to grips with this issue
2006-11-02 16:14:46 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
I don't think that you ever will, yours sister probably never did either. I think that other woman raising her kids is just a constant reminder that she is not there. Because the other woman probably does things different than your sister did.
2006-11-02 16:17:10 · answer #7 · answered by knlsmommy 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
That is a bad situation. Is she nice to you? Does she let you see your nephews? I would just be polite when you have to be around her so that you don't lose touch with your sister's children. You don't have to like her to get along with her.
2006-11-02 16:07:03 · answer #8 · answered by Michelle *The Truth Hurts 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm sorry about your sister. My sister is currently dealing with intrusive duct carcinoma. Can you see the boys without dealing with those two?
*edit* I agree with the poster below, you don't have to like someone to get along.
2006-11-02 16:04:27 · answer #9 · answered by Kacky 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you are very hurt, but the decision is not your to make. try to deal as best as you can. there is nothing else you can do.
love you sisters children and try to forget the rest for their sakes not your own.
2006-11-02 16:21:33 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋