i dont know if i want to be a military wife?

Question

ive been with my bf for 3 years and he is in the royal navy. weve stayed faithful to eachother and when he comes home we have the time of our lives. its just that his father is in the military and so are his 2 brothers. they run a very strict household and ive seen how much of a toll it takes on his mum and the rest of the family. his mum is always heartbroken when her sons are deployed for long periods of time. my bf proposed to me and i said yes. but know im thinking ive done the wrong thing. although i love him if i became his wife and we had children i dont think i could cope being away from him. its hard enough now being away from him . if any women out there are married to military guys is it hard being away from your husband for so long and can you get used to it.

Answer 1

Being a military wife, yes, it's hard when my husband is deployed for long periods but I have gotten used to it. I have my own job, activities and friends to bide my time with while he is away. I knew what I was getting into when we got married and I'm sticking with it.

Answer 2

I was married to a US army officer for 25 years. Had 4 children and moved every 1 to 3 years. Spent many years overseas. It takes a certain type of woman to be able to be a military wife. You are basically the mother and father to the kids and keeper of the household. Be able to move without worrying about material things that might not be convenient to move. Be able to make friends but keep a little distance because you know it will only be for a short period of time. Be able to accept the rules and regulations the military has regarding housing, vacations, schooling etc etc. The military is really a self sufficient world of its own and your rights are really not important. The US military has a saying, If Uncle Sam wanted you to have a wife, he would have issued you one.
It sounds like you are not ready for marriage, let alone be a military wife. It is not an easy way to live. Separation, loneliness, desperation at times. Don't go into this marriage with doubts, it won't be good for either of you.
Take some more time and live a normal life while he is gone and see if you can do it for the rest of your life. As time went by for me, I was bothered when he came home because it disrupted our lives. By the way, when he retired and was home all the time, I divorced him.

Answer 3

If you're really having doubts about it now then you need to really reconsider marriage to someone in the military. When you marry into the military lifestyle, you're signing yourself up for a lot of separation and anxiety. Quite frankly it's not a life for everyone and it take a strong person to make a military marriage work.

Do you get use to it? Yes and no. The loneliness and the worry that go with it doesn't really get better, you just learn to cope with it.... if not, you end up divorced or worse.

I would highly recommend that you and your fiance attend the courses for marrying into the military that most commands offer before you start making definite plans. Those can help answer a lot of questions and the friendships you'll make with some of the other ladies there can be quite a lifesaver if you do decide to marry him.

Good luck!

Answer 4

If you have been with bf for three yrs then u will probably marry him anyways, but i lived in a military town (nuclear sub base) and I can tell u that Ur boyfriends mother is probably a lot stronger than the women I came in contact with. For the most part I saw lots of cheating on each other and the navy is the worst because of the long time out to sea. I can also say that the fathers are very detached from their children and I saw very few who even helped their wives when they were home because they felt that it was the wife's job and it was their time to relax as if the wife didn't need a break. Alcohol consumption is extremely high with a lot of service men. On the darker side I saw lots of suicide stories in the navy issued newspaper. This is probably in extreme cases, but if you aren't the emotionally needy type then your marriage will be fine, but if your like me and enjoy sleeping with your husband every night and sharing your children's first everything, then you will probably be just fine.We need the military and they need spouses, and not all marriages are bad, but it appears to be for very strong women.

Answer 5

Also think about when you have kids.... you might end up pregnant alone..... giving birth alone..... raising the baby./kid alone... and ya the pressure of waiting all the time as well as the possibility of being a single parent... and then having to put up with all the stress his family goes through as well with the rest of them being in the military. I do not think that having "other military/navy wives" as buddies to get you through the hard times is good enough. Sounds sad. SOunds like you want a husband not extra girlfriends to hand you a tissue every time you are down and depressed and waiting for your husband to come home.

Maybe you should talk to him about getting into another career. I am sure he can use his training and what ever schooling he has had and get a proper job close to home. Wonder if he would do that for you.... or if he loves the navy that much, or if he would feel too pressured by his family and give in to the pressure of staying in the navy...... if he wont even give the idea of doing something else for a living in order to have a good marriage with you.... then i think you have your answer..........

Answer 6

Try another branch of the military. British or American navy men are gone far more than other branches. It's a very difficult life. If you don't think you can handle it then you should end your relationship before there are any children. The fact that you already have doubts shows you know in your heart that you don't want to marry him. The best thing to do is to end it now.

Answer 7

You don't get used to it. You just learn to deal with it. Most people dont' realize this, Being in the military is hard, but being married to military is hard as well. I mean if your husband leaves for a year you really have to be aware he may not even come back at all... The thing is, if you do choose to marry him please... please please please... stay faithful to him. I know it will be so hard you will miss him and such but please if you are unfaithful this will not only ruin his morale and affect the mission but will probably effect the rest of his relationsships he will ever have. This is the hardest part of being military is finding a loyal wife or husband. So if you think you can stay faithful and are sure he probably can as well then consider it, if you think you will be able to deal with the deployments then consider more, IT WILL BE HARD no questions about this... the question is... are you up for the challenge. If it doesn't work out it doesn't work out... but.. just please don't cheat.. if you want to break it off .. get a divorce before you get with another guy.. you really have no idea how much this will effect him...

Answer 8

Point blank, if you have to ask this question then i don't think it's a good idea. I do understand that being away from someone you love is hard but I think you're more worried on if you'll turn out to be like his mom. You probably pictured yourself in her shoes and thought what your household would be like and if he would expect your sons to go to the military too. If you can except that, go for it. If you still question yourself, then run.

Answer 9

Unfortunately, if you choose to marry this man, your family will probably pretty closely mimic that of the one he grew up in. The military is a job that people are basically "married" to. I have friends who are miliatary wives, and it works for some of them, and some of them are very unhappy. I think you need to think long and hard about moving forward with your marriage to this man, not on the basis of him, but rather the basis of what your life with him will be like. In the end, do what your heart tells you to do. Good luck.

Answer 10

It's always hard marrying into the military but it does take allot of hard work and dealing with the fact that the military runs his life first then you and that at a moment notice they can make him move, deployment,and/or maneuvers are a fact of life for military life and thous in the military.