Mother-in-law trouble!!?

Question

I have a 2 and a half old daughter.My mother in law gives lots of unwanted advice such as giving my daughter boiled water to drink between feedings.I've already talk to my nurse who have told me not to give it to my baby because she don't need it .She also expects me to allow her to take my daughter when ever she feels like it.When my baby was only 2 weeks old she called and said she was talking her over night, to have her bag pack at 12 noon she would be over to get her. My husband and I said no and she got angry. What do I do? How can I tell her nicely to butt out?Her oldest son allows her to take his son whenever she wants.He may not have a problem with it. I do. Am I wrong? Please help what should I do? Should I of let her take my newborn? Was I right or wrong? If I was right how do I handle future situations when she calls and says she want my daughter? She has a small dog and I have seen her giving her dogs toys to her 6month old grandson to play with.They were stuffed toys.

My daughter is now 2 and a half months old.

Answer 1

You and your husband are in the right. you should discuss this
again with your husband. Tell her to that she is not going over
because you and your husband has plans. Let her get mad
she needs to understand that NO means NO. If she still doesn't
get the hint then both you and your husband need to sit and talk to her face to face. I am a grandmother and I know as a parent
we want to spend quality time with our own little family. Also tell
her that you don't want to sound mean or anything or for her
not to take it in the wrong way but you will let her know when
it is okay for her grandchild to sleep over. I have 3 year old,
and a 11 month old and I didn't want to take over their little happy
family night out or evenings together. My daughter and son-in-law
would tell me, that the kids can sleep over in the week ends.
I was satisfy with that. My 3 yr. old grand-daughter is the one
to say grandma can I sleep over. I would tell her to ask her
Mom and Dad if it is okay. My youngest grand-daughter is
still young and she gets to sleep over in the week ends. When ever they drop her off or they say I can pick her up. So just
remember they are your kids and you both as parents have the right to tell us grand parents when it is convenient for them to sleep over. Don't feel ashamed of anything. And if her other son
lets her tske his son when ever, that is him and you two are two
different parents and your rules. And that sharing with the dog
the toy thing. That is so gross, you need to mention that to her as well or let your husband do some talking as well, this way
she won't take it out on you.

Answer 2

In a situation like this the best thing to do is for all three of you to sit down and seriously talk things out. Let her know exactly how you feel without harsh words and have the husband do the same. At the same time have her voice her concerns and her wishes, then each of you need to come to a compromise that suits each of you . It does not hurt to set ground rules as long as everyone agrees this is in the best interests of the child. Newborns need at least 2 to 4 to adjust to their surroundings, and many out there will argue the point. I have had 4 children and raised many others before I had mine and I never let the children spend the night away from me til they were at least 4 1/2 months of age. By that time the feedings have slowed down at night and the child sleeps through the night. Being this age they will adapt better when their surroundings change. Best wishes,congrats on the baby,take care.

Answer 3

You have to let her know she needs you and your husband's approval first. This is not her child, it's her grandchild. She had her chance to be a Mommy with her son- and other children. Now this is your turn to be the mother and make the decisions. My mother-in-law gives me lot's of unwanted advice too- sometimes it can be helpful, but I know how I want to raise my child.

You are NOT wrong when you don't want her coming and going and taking your baby from you. We don't have our family close by- so they never do this, but I know when I allowed my son to stay a weekend with my Mom, I felt useless, and almost cried because I wanted my baby back. lol It is nice every once in a while to have someone watch your baby... but only when you are up to it and want it to happen. Again, you are her mother, and you make the decisions, not the mother-in-law.

Just talk to her reasonably, and if she whines, let her. Tell her when you are ready, you will let your daughter stay with her. As far as the toy-that is gross to give it to a baby! There are sooo many germs on those toys! I would say something- again, you can do it respectfully, and if she whines and throws a fit, oh well. You are the Mommy! Stand up for yourself, and don't be afraid or think you are mean. You aren't.

Answer 4

You're definitely not wrong in feeling the way that you do. You're the parent and you make the rules. The best advice I can give you is to stand up for yourself and don't let her walk all over you! I can tell you from experience, that once you let her get away with it, she will NEVER stop. My problems with my MIL started before my son was born, but definitely escalated afterwards, and I haven't spoken to her or seen her for over a year now. All because she couldn't keep her mouth shut, or keep her opinions to herself. If she calls and says that she wants your daughter, simply tell her no. She can't just demand to spend time with her. If she wants to see her, have her come over for a visit. There's no reason that she should be attempting to keep your little girl over night, especially at 2 months old - unless of course you ASK her to, for some alone time. Just stand up for yourself! Remember, being a grandparent is not a right...it's a privilege!!

Answer 5

You are the mother. Try to find a kind way to tell her. She may think she is being every mother's dream by offering you a break. Dont burn your bridges, because she may be a handy babysitter someday when you and your husband are desperate for a break. Remember that obviously, your husband is alive and survived her mothering. Children in past times, and even in present times survive much worse things than playing with a dogs toy. I totally understand that the whole situation disgusts you, but try to keep things in perspective. Imainge, when your daughter has a baby some day, I'm sure you will really want to see that child and help out, even though some of your methods will be old-fashioned by then.

Answer 6

It's good that your husband is on the same page as you are. It will help greatly if he's the one the break it to his mother, so you don't look like the "bad" one. About the sleep over thing, tell her she will sleep over when she's older, right now you don't want to leave her overnight. Don't worry about her getting angry, she will have to get used to the fact that her son is a father, and YOU are the mother. Everytime she says something that don't agree with, explain to her what your reasonings are for doing what your doing, but thank her for her advice. Pretend like you appreciate what she says. You need to put your foot down now, or else it will get out of hand fast. Good Luck

Answer 7

You have every right to feel the way you do. I had a similar situation with my mother in law. You and your husband both need to talk to her and let her know that you are not comfortable having your baby sleep over there and would rather spend a few hours and come home. Just be honest and if she is a decent person she should understand your preference.

Answer 8

Politely explain to her that she has raised her child, and that she needs to let you raise yours. If I am guessing correctly, her subsequent resonse might be something along the lines of "If you don't want me to do things for your child or give you any advice, then I wont." It's an often used guilt tactic. Explain that while you appreciate some of her advice (even if you don't all the time) you won't tolerate her making decisions that affect your child without your consent. .Tell her that there is a distinct difference between giving advice and cooperating with the mother and trying to butt in and take over.

Answer 9

First of all...sorry! I know just how you feel! I have a mother-n-law from hell and I have to live with her at the current time.
My daughter is 9 months old now and since we live together my mother-n-law thinks she has the right to do whatever with my daughter. I just tell her like it is...but I try to stay polite. I tell her thanks for the advice but I like to do things my way. And as far as your mother-n-law wanting to take your very small baby...I would just politely tell her that your baby is still very small and you are not comfortable with anyone taking her over night yet.
And her just calling and demanding that you have your baby ready is actually quite rude ...and I would tell her that.
Congrats on baby...and Good Luck!!

Answer 10

You should have total control, not your mother-in-law. It is not her child. You are the mother here. Don't let her get away with it. If you let her get away with this type of behavior, can you imagine what it will be like in the future? There's no way my in-laws or my parents are taking my child anywhere, specially over night. They have no right. It's different if you asked them to and they were doing you a favor, but come on? Even if she does get upset, which she will, you have to put your foot down. She's coming between you and your child and your parenting. Don't let her rob you of that.