why does it seem as if most marriages aren't as happy as they should be?

Question

it seems like no matter where i am people are complaining about their spouses. im not just talkin about stuff like saying they dont pick up after themselves, but stuff like calling them useless. even a womans group i went to at church was nothing more than a husband bashing session. i really felt like a freak because after over 5 years with him i still think my husband is great and we are very much in love. is it me or is all this spouse bashing really making these people look like they made poor choices when they decided to commit?

thanks linda

im so glad to see so many others as in love as i am

beautiful im not talking about sometimes complaining to your best friend, im talking about bashing them to ppl who you barely know i also cometimes have complaints but i work them out with my husband who by the way is my best friend as well as the father of our 3 yr old daughter

Answer 1

Thats the big problem, people make bad choices. I've had two failed marriages, picked the wrong ones. At the time they felt right at least the second one did. Once married they changed.
I don't think people take the time to get to know each other. It sounds like you are one of the lucky ones and picked a good one.
May you have an eternity of everlasting love!

Answer 2

I'm glad to see how you feel about your spouse. Unfortunately many couples do not appreciate each other as they should. People see or hear others bashing their spouses and often feel the need to compete. They play 'who's spouse is worse'. Television over the past 12+ yrs. hasn't helped either. With comedies like 'Married with Children' and worse people think that this behavior is normal.
If people would put as much energy into complimenting their spouse and making them feel appreciated (this is, of course, a two way street) I don't think these boards would be nearly as busy. Kids these days aren't seeing happy, healthy marriages and will have very little to draw on when it comes to their own relationships one day. They are bombarded with news of celebrity 'musical chair' marriages. Changes need to be made now - it is already becoming a sad cycle.

Answer 3

I've been with my husband for 10 years and married for 7 1/2 years. We have 2 beautiful twin boys and am still in so much love with him. I love to hear his voice and to be with him every minute of the day. I couldn't have picked a better person to spend the rest of my life with and to be the father of my children. Not only is he a great husband but also a great father. He helps around the house with doing chores and helping out with the kids. Sometimes all we ever hear is the bad stuff. No one ever hears, "my husband did the dishes last night and rubbed my feet". We only hear "guess what he didn't help with this time." So maybe they are happy but they just need someone to vent to. And there are people out that that are very much happy in their marriage...some people just don't say it enough.

Answer 4

Well you have an extraordinary relationship, not unlike the one im in! I believe that some people think that a relationship should not take any effort to maintain a happy household. On the contrary, it takes great devotion and compromise to be happy, and also there has to be that factor that you have some things in common with your spouse. My spouse and I believe everything is 50/50 and it is in reality, in order to receive you must give. That includes finances, time alone, household chores, etc...But the most important part is you must be your spouses BEST FRIEND, you have to be able to tell that person anything!! My spouse is my lover, confidant, and best friend. Thats how we have a healthy and wonderful relationship!
Probably what I have said hasnt answered your question but hopefully it will help anyone with relationship problems that reads it!!!

Answer 5

I think complaining can become a bad habit. I have been married for 36 years to my best friend and our marriage is great. But it is hard work too - we have worked at it, compromised, learned to give a little when needed.

I think people need to learn a steadfast loyalty to their spouse so that nothing on earth would make it okay to bash him. My husband is the father of my children and granddad to our granddaughter - I would never want to paint him in a bad light in front of people. If I have and issue to take up with him, then we do it privately.

Answer 6

I don't care what others say marriage takes a lot of work. You have to be devoted to that person and except the flaws that we all have. Lots of people just want to throw thier hands up and get a divorce over not taking out the garbage. It is so much in the public now that if it is not working then just call it quits. I think that is wrong people should work on thier marriage more. It is actually sad.

Answer 7

It's not that people are unhappily married, it's just they are living reality...stress can cause tension on anyone at anytime. I complain about my husband all the time to my best friend and she do the same. But those are some of the qualities that I love about him. I still feel very much inlove with him, and can't stand him in the same breath. You have to be married to understand. I talk about my kids, and how they work my nerves, but still love them unconditionally. Just a way of life I guess.

Answer 8

I have witnessed the same thing, and I don't understand the reason, I have been with my wife since 1993, she still excites me. I haven't and don't want to look for someone else.

None of us are perfect, I caught her in an affair almost 4 years ago, we are working past that. She has worked extremely hard to rebuild my trust and help me heal. She has also worked on herself and the issues that allowed her to cheat.

So she was one of those that made some poor choices until she really became aware of how deeply I loved her.

I know that this is not an answer in one respect but in another maybe its some insight.

Answer 9

No most people are looking for love they want their marriage to be perfect, they think that the romance should never die.
They don't realise that marriage is all about give and take
that we are not all perfect we all have our faults
its only when they end up throwing it all way
that they understand that there is so much more to love
but by that time its always to late
Stay with your husband because what you two have is what it is all about.
and all we can do is pray for the rest of them
i love my husband and there has been many ups and downs but we have stuck together thought it all
and have been together for 26 years now

May god bless you and have great day

Answer 10

Why.
you have to follow your own Heart and your own feelings,
but what is even more important is do-not lie to yourself, becuase if you start that you really are not looking for the truth.
some say follow your heart.. I disagree not that I don't have any faith in the heart...but I say follow the truth..you see how he treats you,
and how he puts you down...what is it going to take before you see that he is a mothers boy, and hasn't got the stuff to stand on his own two feet.
Then you go to your church and the hens begin thier husband bashing, and that dosen't help you in any way......
Love.... the big question is what is love... is it you being his built in maid,
to pick up after him, and to come to his beck and call,
then I ask you.... what dose he do for you...?
dose he hold you in his arms with out trying to get you into bed for a little hanky panky.
dose he ever just take you by the hand and ask you to take a evening walk just the two of you,
Dose he even just lay in your bed and just hold onto you, giving you that warm and wonderful feeling of love and securty.
Dose he ever bring you home a beautiful Red Rose then whispers in your ear how much he loves you.
Or dose he just come home and toss his dirty work cloths to the floor nowing that you will be picking them up.
And then after his supper that maybe his mommy cooked since it is her house and kitchen...
Lays flat out on the livingroom sofa and watchs some stupit hocky game or some other stupit sports,
watching a bounch of over paid..spoiled..loud mouth...jam sucking over size kids.
and than again you find yourself watching and taking care of the
kids while your loving husband just lays there flate on his *** doing nothing to help you.
if you call this Love..... then have at it... and good luck to you, as for your husband he just couldn't get it any better.
How ever I do wish you luck, and God Bless you,

Candyman