my bf of 6yrs and i are getting married in 4 mons. he a
has a large debt(28k) from a bad divorce and greedy ex-wife WITH his child. i have the money to pay off his debt but im afraid if i do this his ex will just put him back in the poor house.would you pay off his debt and take the risk knowing he may now have more money to give his ex wife and get back in debt?
2006-11-02 13:46:49 · 30 answers · asked by heathermarks0987 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
No, I would NOT pay off his debt. In time, he can, and will get it paid. He needs to be responsible for his own actions, before the two of you were married.
2006-11-02 13:50:56 · answer #1 · answered by olderbutwiser 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I see red flags all over this relationship. You want to marry a guy who is deep in debt and you call his ex-wife greedy. He has a child, but you obviously don't think the wife should get any money from your b/f to pay for his share of the support their child. The courts decide how much money he must pay towards support of his child, not the wife. If she asks for more than the court allows, she won't get it. There are specific legal guidelines and he must pay half the cost of supporting the child. She pays the other half, and she does most of the work, if the child lives with her. I don't think you should pay off his debt. HE should pay off his debt, pay his child support without whining, and make frequent visits to see his child every month, even if he has to see the ex to do it. You need to be okay with his seeing the ex, and you need to be loving towards the child, and polite to the ex. If you can't do all of this, you should not get married. You need to be very mature and take the high road when you marry a man with a child.
2006-11-02 14:10:08 · answer #2 · answered by Wiser1 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Well.. let's see... short answer.. no.
Long answer: He created the debt, he should pay it off. 2nd, if you pay off the debt prior to the marriage then if you two end in divorce, he get's half of everything calculated from when you got married to when you get divorce. The fact you paid off his debt would be irrelevant and he ends up with 1/2 of your retirement, investments, homes, etc.
But, hey... he's gonna be dependable and reliable and get take care of you and the be more financially responsible right... well.. let's see. You've been dating for 6 years (6yrs!) so obviously this relationship is shakey or you'd married earlier. If you've been dating for 6 years (dang that's a long time) that means he's been divorced for 6 years thus he's had 6 years (yes 6 YEARS) to pay off this debt (you said it was from his divorce) and yet he still hasn't paid it off. I see no fiscal responsiblity here at all.
As for what his ex can do.. she can only ask for a set percentage of HIS income (or his possible income) so 1)she probably is already getting the max and 2) (most importantly) if you get married and he quites working.. the child support doesn't stop... you then have to pay for his child support from your income. Now... they can't base the amount of the CS payment on your income but on HIS POSSIBLE income... thus if he's currently making more than you... the amount will still be based on that income level not yours. This will continue until you are divorced.. at which time he get's half of what you have and you've paid his CS.
Are you really ready for this commitment? Remember... it's been 6 YEARS for this to come about. I suggest you re-evaluate your options and get a pre-nuptual agreement and consult your attorney to protect your income, retirement and investments.
It's not just the 'sexy young blonde girls' that are gold diggers.
Hope this helps and make sure you go into this with your eyes WIDE OPEN!!
2006-11-02 14:00:25 · answer #3 · answered by wrkey 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Take some advice from someone who's been there. Let him pay his own debt. Keep your money. What happens if your marriage to him does not work. I'll tell you, you will be out of 28k. You could use some once married to get the things you need. I would invest it or put it a retirement fund. What ever you do, do not pay his debt, let him pay his own.
2006-11-02 13:56:00 · answer #4 · answered by Linda R 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I personally would never pay off his debt. If I had the 28K I would invest it into a house, or something else. If you were to get divorced, where would that leave you? It would leave you with nothing to show for it. If you pay his debt- he will see it as an easy way out- and will just get in debt again- giving to his ex wife and child.
my advice: don't offer to pay it.
2006-11-02 13:52:19 · answer #5 · answered by ★★★ Katharine ♥♥♥♥ 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First I would talk with your bf and see how he feels about the idea. Some men hate the idea of having there gf pay off debts. It a pride thing and I think it will hurt more then it helps.
Next idea would to suggest her works on the debt and you will cover the bills. That way he feels like he's taking care of his own business.
I wish you the both a long and happy marriage.
2006-11-02 14:01:05 · answer #6 · answered by David C 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you should not pay off his debt. i know that you all have been together long enough for you to feel as if you can but what type of steps are he making to pay off himself? you don't want to go into the marriage bailing him out right from the start. why don't you suggest to him that he should try paying it off as much as possible before you all get married. see what he can accomplish on his own..once he has started taking the debt seriously himself then you can suggest helping him a little.don't pay it all for him, don't let him know that you can pay it all, just help a little at a time. you should definitely treat this as an area of concern because the last thing you need to interfere with your marriage are finances
2006-11-02 14:04:34 · answer #7 · answered by huneygrl1 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If there is a payment plan in place follow it. If he needs help with the monthly payments than you may want to do that. If you end up paying it or helping, get legal documentation. I'm sure you believe that your marriage will last forever and I hope you are right, but protect yourself just in case. I paid off debts my spouse incurred before marriage and got the shaft when we divorced.
2006-11-02 13:52:10 · answer #8 · answered by jazzman6812 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
ABSOLUTLY NOT! Seriously girl. There are some things that need to be taken care of by those who are involved. Take it from someone who watched her mother do nothing but take care of her husband's ex-wife's problems their whole marriage. You guys will both have more issues with it than happy thoughts. Don't know what else to say, but that he really needs to take care of his own debt before dragging you into it. Remember that the habbits you start now will follow you your entire marraige. If you clean swipe him out of one mess theres only going to be another right behind it!
2006-11-02 14:01:29 · answer #9 · answered by Tamara R 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Adivse not to. As u said, if u help to pay off now his ex wife might think he has lot of money and she may ask to increase her alimony etc. this will raise problem as he might has to contest against it in family court. Do keep the money as this could help yr own coming family(ur Bf & u) expenses, etc in case of need..On the other hand, if yr Bf could not afford what his ex demand, he should ask for a reduce from the family court as his finance could not support it.
2006-11-02 13:55:01 · answer #10 · answered by Renew 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋