I'm a loner. What should I do?

Question

Hi, I'm 14 years old and currently in my freshman year of high school. As stated in the title, I'm a loner. I have no friends. I am fragile and very sensitive to criticism of my character. During lunch, I sit in the hallway and read a book to pass time. I always look up and see people walking by. It's really painful. Sometimes, I think that they're thinking, "Look at that loser sitting by himself." I hate admitting the fact that I'm a loner. I don't want to spend my life being alone. What really hurts is when people you used to go to school with recognize you and ask you, "Do you hang out here oftenly?" Please help, no flaming please.

Answer 1

Hi, I'm 26 years old and currently in my freshman year of college. I definitely know how you feel; all throughout school I was not a very outgoing person. I usually kept to myself, at the same time I tried to impress my peers. Now I realize how immature it was to act that way. You should never look down on yourself in any kind of way. It is important for everyone to feel they belong, and you seem to doubt yourself. The thing is, other people are just like you, they will not approach anyone and end up never making any friends. Be bold and walk up to the other guy like you and talk to them. They are just wanting someone to break the ice. My advice usually ends up being religious, but I do not feel like I should preach to you. One thing I will tell you is, turn to the Lord and he will never leave you. He will always be there giving you comfort, and the the great feeling that you belong. I never feel alone because I'm not. Just realize that people all throughout life will try to hurt you to make themselves feel better. You control your own life....make the best of it....live life to the fullest. Talking to an older person is great because they are wise and can give you some of the best suggestions. Hope this helps

Answer 2

I know how you feel, its happened to everyone at some point.

The simple solution to finding friends is to find a club or committee that interests you and join it. That way, you will meet people that share similar interests as you do and you will make some friends.

Since you just started high school, you are probably still adjusting. Going from middle school or elementary school to high school is a big step. I'm sure there's some people that are having the same problem as you. Its normal to feel like a loner and kind of lost in the shuffle. If joining a clubs not your thing, when you are at lunch, look around and see if anyone else looks lonely and go up and say hi to them. I met my best friend this way.

I understand that might be hard for you because you seem to be sensitive (there's no problem with that) but you stated that you hate being a loner and you don't want to be alone. The only way to fix this is to get out there and meet people. Try joining a club or just going up to someone and saying hi. You never know what will happen.


Best Luck and God Bless,

Ruby Red Rose
@>-'-,--

Answer 3

I used to be a loner myself. And still am sometimes, because there are times when i just prefer to be alone to do some thinking. But i'm proud to say i've improved quite abit over the years.

The hardest part is saying the first word. And i would not advise you to just approach a "cool" guy cos some of them might be a snob (not saying all cool guys are snob)/ or will be shocked / or just dont know how to react themselves.

So here are some tips that worked for me:
- smile when you see someone familiar e.g. classmates, teacher, cafe staff, people from the next dorm, etc. This gives u a more friendly approachable face.
- take part in a club of your interest. Make sure its your interest though. You'll find it easier to start talking with people when you have a common topic.
- since you read alot, try reading books on building confidence, communication skills, etc. Some of these books are crap, i agree, but sme do offer simple and effective tips.
- when you do have to be alone, make sure u're doing something like reading books/mags while eating or drinking coffee at a cafe or canteen or park bench which will create opportunities for interaction. It potrays you as a deep-thinking quiet but rather cool guy, instead of a shy loner if you are reading or sitting at a quiet/hidden corner.

Really hope tat'll help you. Long journey starts with small steps.

Answer 4

How about talking to your parents about this? It sounds like you some issues with your self esteem. As long as you're reading all the time a good book to read would be "10 Days to Self Esteem" written by David D Burns, M.D. One thing for sure is this is all in your head and you can change it if you try. Start the day writing down your goals. One of them should be, "today I will make a new friend." You make friends by being friendly. You smile; you say hello; you join groups; you go out for sports; you find things you like doing and people you like to spend time with. There's probably a few other kids just like you waiting for someone to say something to them. You can not know what other people are thinking; most likely they are thinking about themselves more than you. By the way, its not a bad idea to spend your time studying hard and getting your best grades. Stay away from drug users, they are the ones who are really losers.

Answer 5

At times everyone is a loner. But your situation must be worse if you dont have any friends. You need to get out there! It may seem hard but you just have to try. Ppl might be mean and say things like back off loser, but just ignore it. Try out for the schools sports team. That ALWAYS is a good way to make friends. Or in class on your free time try to jump in conversations (that r okay to jump in) and get to know ppl. Or throw a party. There are so many options out there. You need to get your head outta the books and meet new ppl. Or else your life will be miserable. Plz take my advice. It WILL help. But remember loneliness is outside and happiness is inside. Keep positive thoughts.

Answer 6

Dear Beloved

Whether u r a chick or dude your description is EXACTLY the way I was a couple of years ago thats the reason your question caught my attention. I am 27 and hv overcome that problem u hv. I struggle with it sometimes but now I can manage it very well. One thing - having such a problem at your age can affect the rest of your life if counter-measures are not seriousy taken on your part.

I do have an answer for you and its pretty lengthy. Allow me to give u my answer next week on Monday. I hv examinations waiting for me today and on Sunday so i'm trying to concentrate on that. Send me your email so i can get in touch with u as soon as i finish my exams. My email is: [e-mail]

Answer 7

I feel your trouble, I really do. Have you always felt like this? If not, it might be due to your bosy changing since you are 14. My advice would be to try to find one person, even if its an adult, that you can trust and feel comfortable with. By doing this, this person will help you build confidence and see all of the good things about yourself. That's what I did. When I was 13, I started to feel really depressed. So I started to talk to an adult in my church, who I fondly adopted as "my aunt". Since then she has always been there to support me. I know she loves me no matter what. Its good to find someone like that especially if you don't have a good relationship with your family. Also, try to find an activity that you enjoy/ are good at and do that at least once or twice a week, because that should help make you feel happier.

Answer 8

i won't "flame" you but i will give you a good dose of reality. you can't sit around feeling sorry for yourself you have to get out their and introduce yourself. sign up to a club or something. don't sit in the hallway and read. go into lunch and sit with some people. eat with the new kids they don't know anyone so it will be like a clean slate. but i wouldn't recommend you eating with the jocks and the cheerleaders because they might not accept you like you want them to. don't downplay the way you look. God made you that way and you should be proud of that!! I love ya lil' girl !!

Answer 9

I am technically a loner in my Spanish class. Make friends by talking to a person next to you who seems to like the same things. Make observations and use them to your advantage. Be nice because bees always attract to honey, not vinegar(something along those lines). At lunch sit with people and at one point they will talk to you because people are polite. Just don't come off as too silent or as a jerk because people shy away from the too shy.

Answer 10

Join a couple of the clubs in school. That's the best way to meet people that have similar interests to yours. If you're Christian, find a youth group at one of your local churches to participate in. Start a conversation with some kids about your favorite movies, then suggest going to the movies together.