i have been married now for almost 3 years...a guy that is a very good friend of my family and who i sort of had a fling with before i met my husband is in the army and coming back from spending a year in Iraq..my husband knows that he is a friend of the family but doesn't know about the fling,(i didn't tell him because of the guy being so close to my family and didn't want my husband to have any insecurities or be jealous of him because i feel nothing but friendship for this guy.)anyway,,my husband doesn't like for the guy to be mentioned because if i bring him up my husband thinks that it is because i want him...i wanted to drop the guy a simple e-mail to welcome him back home to the states,but i don't know if i should or not knowing that my husband feels that way,,and if i do drop him an inocent e-mail,i don't know if i should let my husband know about it,or just keep it to myself..i don't like to lie,or to keep secrets no matter how big or small...any thoughts?
2006-11-02 13:20:34 · 17 answers · asked by whome? 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
this guy and i had only a brief fling,you couldn't even consider what we did dating.it was very brief because after trying i just didn't have any attraction to him...my husband has no reason to be jealous,the only reason i wanted to send a welcome home e-mail is because my family is throwing him a welcome home party and i live so far away that i will not be able to attend..i only wanted to let him know that i am glad that he is coming home safe and sound..but everyone is right,it isn't worth risking my husbands feelings beinbg hurt by doing this..i will just tell my family to let him know i am happy that he is home safely...thanks guys.....
2006-11-02 13:38:27 · update #1
Do not do it! He is already causing problems in your marriage as it is. Let sleeping dogs lie!
2006-11-02 13:24:37 · answer #1 · answered by olderbutwiser 7 · 2⤊ 1⤋
Ask one of your family members to forward a message from the whole family welcoming him back,they might even invite him round for a gathering then you can catch up on whats been happening.To be asking this question and also not admitting there was something sexual between you two in my mind i think you have a little voice that is in there saying deny still liking him as it would make things very difficult especially now that your marrried and settled but why should your family not stay in contact he has done nothing to hurt them or you.Maybe ask your husband to get to know him and give him a chance if he doesnt leave it at that or it could cause trouble.Fancy a chat email me i'll get back to you as soon as i check my emails........I've just read your last question answered you deserve better which is why your husband does not like you being in contact he knows this guy can offer you better and would treat you with the respect you deserve
regards
louise xx
2006-11-02 21:32:23 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
If I were you, I would keep this situation on the up and up. Tell your husband you would like to e-mail your friend returning from the army and see what your husband says. You may as well discuss the situation. By that I mean, tell your husband he has no reason to be jealous. You wish to welcome him back from WAR - you and I both know that must be a horrible experience. My opinion is just that if you both are communicating about this as openly as you can, things would be better in your marriage. Best of luck!
2006-11-02 21:32:10 · answer #3 · answered by rubyred 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
If you feel strongly enough about wanting to welcome this guy home... which is something ALL of our soldiers deserve... then do not hide it from your hubby. Explain to him that you just want to send him a simple hi.. how are you and welcome home and nothing more. Invite your hubby to oversee the email if it will make him more comfortable. The more open you are about it the less he has to suspect. Remind your hubby that you are married to him because you love him and not your friend. BUT if it is going to cause to much grief for your marriage then don't do it. Wait until someone in your family sends one and have them add in that you said hi or welcome home. Or just forget it all together. Remember your marriage is more important than an old fling knowing you said hi.
2006-11-02 21:32:15 · answer #4 · answered by jenny 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
No sense rocking the boat here, if your husband is that adamant about you mentioning this guy, imagine how he is going to react when he finds out you have emailed him. I have a sneaky suspicion that he knows about the fling and just hasnt told you .I would leave the welcome home message alone until such a point as you and your husband can do it together.
2006-11-02 21:30:17 · answer #5 · answered by snoop_dougie_doug04 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Tell your husband and show him the email. If he gets mad remind him that you married him, not the guy you had a fling with and that the fling was insignificant.
Although if you know it will cause a tiff, I would double think what you want to do. WHat is worth more to you a fight or a letter. Besides a family member can send a whole family letter and put your name on it.
2006-11-02 21:24:07 · answer #6 · answered by QueenofLeon 4 · 1⤊ 2⤋
What you need here is a work around. How about you write a letter to his PARENTS telling them that you were aquainted with their son and are so pleased that he has returned safely and how proud they must be of him. Keep the letter very, very short and impersonal. Close by saying that both you and your husband are grateful for their son's service to our nation. Show the letter to your husband before you send it.
If you have a problem with going thru his parents or showing the letter to your husband, maybe your interest isn't so innocent?
2006-11-02 21:34:12 · answer #7 · answered by kill_yr_television 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I understand your wanting to welcome him home, being an army wife i hear the thank yous to my husband, and it is a great honor to hear, BUT if you will upset your husband and bring drama into your lil circle i don't think you should. if you hubby were to know aout your email, it may hurt his man pride exspecally if he does know or will find out one day about the lil fling. and like you said the guy is a friend of the family, pass on the word of welcome home to him to the loudest most gossipy person who will deffently spread the word for you. that way when its brought up to your husband or he finds out about it, just tell him the guy was brought up in convo and you said to welcome him home from the family.
2006-11-02 21:34:57 · answer #8 · answered by Becca 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Don't you do it. That will just create alot of conflict with your husband and him and with your husband and you. By you even posting this tell me that even though you have been married for 3 years, you still have a little fling for him. If you want to be with him then do it. If you love your husband than don't do it.
2006-11-02 21:28:09 · answer #9 · answered by Anthony 1 · 1⤊ 1⤋
what you are saying has feeling , there's good feeling and there's Friends feeling and there's bad feelings , i think its good to have freind feelings and i also think you should include your husband on to these feelings , and you bought will enjoy these feeling together . you'll be surprised a man works better with honesty then lies . just talk it over with you husband the same feeling you used here . good luck , hell tel your buddy welcome home from me too .
2006-11-02 21:32:57 · answer #10 · answered by ? 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Since he is a friend of the family, how about getting a card and having your entire family sign it. Then it won't be from just you.
2006-11-02 21:25:28 · answer #11 · answered by Royalhinney 7 · 2⤊ 1⤋