He is going to try to take my l2 yr. old daughter away from me out of spite....and revenge. He doesn't want to give me fifty/fifty or child support. He doesn't want to give me half his retirement and he took all my retirement out when we moved six times from state to state due to his job. I teach
I just found out he is moving to another state and taking my daughter with him. I have to move and quit my teaching job so as to be near my daughter.
I found out that he had letters written in on him at work about not getting along with people especically women. He mistreated them and was rude to them, etc.... SO this move to another state one thousand miles away from our hometown was because of his complaints from work....his bosses told him he HAD to move.
He has attended anger management classes too.
What I am asking? Can he still get full custody of her if I fight him on it due to his work problems? Can he get full custody if I left him for another man? 23 yrs. of marriage
2006-11-02 13:06:11 · 17 answers · asked by lucy p 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
If you point fingers at me for betraying my husband, fine...I can take it. But don't tell me my affair had anything to do for my love for my kids. My daughter has had to deal with an abusive father for l2 yrs. So what about him? Why is it always the person who had the affair's fault? I admit, I should have left under different circumstances. But what men don't understand, is that women get accustomed to living on 2 incomes...and when the highest one is gone...the women can't survive financially. My life is much better off without my abusive husband and I have a man who really loves me. My life is worse, because my kids don't respect me and come around me as much. So which do I chose ? Living with the jerk and being with the kids everyday....watching them hurt under his rule....or leave and get my
2006-11-03 07:02:47 · update #1
What should I do? I can't afford to live on my own and I can't stand to live with him for another 22 yrs. All my kids have ever witnessed are 2 people who don't know how to love each other. Is that fair? I found someone to love me. Is that so bad? How much longer do I sacrifice for my l8, l2, and 20 yr. old? I stayed for them.
Until one final straw....I couldn't take it anymore...I was drinking, crying, taking sleeping pills to get out of his presence, what kind of life is that? Why am I ALWAYS the bad guy after all the GOOD years of service? We never hugged, kissed, or made love....what kind of life is that? So quit bashing me...it hurts. I tried. I really tried...and I accepted all the guilt before and after the affair...the guilt for the terrible life my kids were exposed to....etc.... Don't judge unless you've been there....
2006-11-03 07:06:41 · update #2
Dear Lucyp
my first question is why did you have this affair....? because of his neglect and abuse of ways that drove you into the other mans arms...?
Your husband sounds like a real winner, that he can't even get along with even his co-workers, and just the fact that he is always so verbally abuse of to other women at work really has nothing to do with your immediate problem, and that he is going to take your daughter away from you.
He really can't do that by law, with out proof of your infidelity to him what ever your reason for crossing that line.
how far has this gone ...meaning has he started packing his and your daughters cloths to leave....?
What it will come down to is your affair, that's what the courts will look at, and for some reason that will make you look like an unfit mother in the eyes of the courts.
I can feel your fears of loosing your daughter, but another question comes up..
your Daughter she is old enough to make her own mind up and her choice is to stay with you, then your husband really can't force your daughter to follow him.
And with that the courts will protect you and your daughter.
Me I would fight this and keep your daughter close and make her aware of all of these things that is going on, so that she is
not dupped by her Father, while you are at work.
And I can't help but feel that you are truly fed up with moving and being with this abuser.
Rememebr you are never beatten..until you quit fighting and when you stop dreaming.
And you and your Beautiful Daughter desevers the joy and the love that you can share and give to one another,
just think of the joy that you both will experance together, let this abuser leave and don't let him Intemated you in anyway.
Your are the Mother and she should be with you, because your husband has just to many problems that he just would deal with or reach out for help..... do not let him take your daughter fight with all that is with in you to hold on and to keep her safe from him.
Because if you don't and he dose take her way from you, he then at some time down the road will start abusing her.
so please remember keep your child safe from this abuser even tho he is her father he really dosn't care for her he is useing her to hurt you.
Good Luck, and God Bless You Both.. rememebr fight to win.
2006-11-02 14:01:47 · answer #1 · answered by candyman 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The child will have say in the end, because of her age. As long as she is proved to be a stable young person. Both you and ex. have good points to prove cheating /verse anger man. Best solution is through attorneys, that can work out a compromise, before taking this to court. They can step in and shed some light without the fight to a solution, or at least an understanding.
2006-11-02 13:23:45 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
It depends on the laws in the state in which you are filing for divorce... BUT if you can get proof on paper that he has anger issues, is abusive & aggressive then you stand a better chance for custody. Get statements from his bosses & the anger managment classes. Your daughter being 12, in some states can state whom she wishes to live with. The more paper you have on him, the better chance you have at getting your daughter. Also a good lawyer can make things happen. :)
2006-11-02 13:30:01 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
As far as I know........no he cant get full custody. How does he have the right to take her out of state? I would check into that situation. Get a good lawyer. You were wrong for having an affair but that does not mean you were a bad mother.
2006-11-02 13:19:09 · answer #4 · answered by c_my_blueeyes 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This is why having an affair is never ever a good thing....people get hurt.
My suggestion is to get a really good lawyer who specializes in child custody. Children need both parents in their lives as much as possible.
You're right your husband is probably trying to punish you but the person being punished is your daughter.
After this is over I would take me and my daughter for some counseling....you're both going to need it.
2006-11-02 13:18:56 · answer #5 · answered by daljack -a girl 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
A man loves to hurt a woman that he can not control. You should fight for your daughter and half of all that you have together. Has it even been mentioned about his being abusive. Forget the work situation that will probably not help you. Talk to your lawyer.
2006-11-02 13:15:02 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
1st of all- I hope you have a lawyer- if you don't, get one now. As for his retirement, if you had a lawyer- he could draw up papers that says that he can't do anything with that - until after the divorce(depending on your state- i'm pretty sure you do deserve half for being married that long).
lawyer should draw up papers saying you want custody of daughter, and I highly doubt he could move her out of state if you have that.
2006-11-02 13:21:59 · answer #7 · answered by ★★★ Katharine ♥♥♥♥ 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I cant believe u left your 12 year old daughter witha man that is abusive to woman u r putting your daughter in harms way go and get her out of there!!!
2006-11-02 13:39:58 · answer #8 · answered by wildpalomino 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Unless you are abusive to your daughter, it is doubtful a court would take away your custody.
Get a lawyer, he has not right to up and take your daughter away without permission. Get a lawyer today!
2006-11-02 13:30:34 · answer #9 · answered by chris 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your kid is old enough to have a say in this. I hope you and your ex don't use her as a pawn. Talk to a lawyer and talk to your daughter and try and maintain a civilized working relationship with your ex because you share that kid and need to work together.
2006-11-02 13:09:12 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋