Please help with dilemma..?

Question

I spoke of issues in regards to my relationship to my husband of 14 years, to some girlfriends at a birthday party. Now, some of the women have repeated that conversation to their husband's. Who in turn have brought up th subject with my husband. This has made a very tense situation even worse.

I feel totally betrayed and do not know what to do.
I know 2 of the women's names who did this. One is a best friend.

I want to confront them, but am not sure how.

Answer 1

Perhaps you could confront them by letting them know that your husband is aware of what was said, and that you feel betrayed because it had been a private conversation between close friends. Let them know that you feel hurt as well, because it has as you have said, made a very tense situation even worse.

In some ways it is to be expected that these friends of yours would tell their husbands, that is their life partner. What is terribly wrong is for the husbands to turn around and not only repeat your private words and cause more problems for you, but these husbands also ratted on their own wives by telling. Goes to show you that these husbands did not even think about how their actions would afftect you or the bad position they put their ownnn wives in. Now these women of course will have to face you with what they have done. All around not a good situation.

I would be very hurt by their actions but as well, I do not think they told their husbands to be mean or to do it as gossip but to share in what you are going through and perhaps as women do... run it by someone else in order to get another's opinion. Perhaps you could keep this in mind as you confront them. They do owe you a big apology..... as well as their husbands. Good luck... I hope everything turns out ok for you.

Answer 2

Come right out & ask. It stinks they didn't feel they could keep what you told them in confidence. It is betrayal (sp) Your friends should have had enough respect for you & not said anything to anyone else. I'm sure it seems to be scary, maybe even a little intimidating to just come right out & talk to them, but look at it this way, they didn't have any problems telling someone else.
And perhaps you should make it quite clear that what you say is not to be repeated. If they can't uphold your wishes, then you know you can't trust them.
Also, not knowing what the issues were... why don't you talk with your husband about them to clear the air? Maybe some compromising is in order... or if it was tense to begin with.. maybe a change is in order.

Answer 3

One thing to remember is never speak of issues that belong in "your home" outside with others. Some issues are just not for others to even know about.
Secondly, never tell anyone somethig you do not want repeated. Your best friend could slip up(as she did in your situation) months or years afterwards.
Third, I would just let those so called friends know how much they proved that you could confide in your friendship with them. Let them know they really hurt your feelings and not to mention brought up things that caused a relapse of tension on an old matter.

Make sure you explain to your husband you did not mention it to them for a conversation...you just wanted someone to moreless confide in for a friend, someone who would listen, tell him you are sorry and hopefully he will understand.

Once you have told those so called friends and your husband leave it alone and learn from your mistakes. Life is too short to worry about lil things. Live it to the fullest everyday.LL.

Answer 4

First thing you should have thought about is one you are tell your friends that are married. When you're happy in your marriage you talk about everything. I don't know how you could feel betrayed. But at the same time I can because you were looking for your girls for your help in what ever was going on in your life at the time. So change it around and make it a good thing because now everything out in the open. Now you don't have to hind anything anymore and if your marriage is important to you then you would take this time you have and worry about that and not about your friends. Myself I think you were cheating and now your husband know and you're scared. thing always come back to you .

Answer 5

With friends like that, who needs enemies. I would comfont them and let them know that what I spoke of was in confidence and had hoped they would keep it to themselves. Let them know that by betraying you when they are suposed to be friends has really hurt you and made the situation worse. I know how you feel, sometimes in relationships you just need to talk to someone. Usually you turn to a good friend. In turn they betray you. Through situations such as yours, I have learned who my true friends are. Believe me there aren't many. When I need to talk I find someone that doesn't know me. Sometimes strangers are pretty good listeners. As far as the worsened situation between you and your husband. Have you truely sat down and talked to him about your problems. I'm sure he is pretty upset knowing everyone else knows his problems, most men do get upset and they will always hold it against you. Just remember, be weary of who you tell your problems to. If you can't find someone to trust you are more than welcome to email me. I'm a stranger, I don't know you, I have been there, done that. I'm also a good listener. Wish you the best. My email address is: [e-mail]. Feel free anytime

Answer 6

If the issues are brought up as a matter of concern coz u were in a delimma for e next course of actions to take in your marriage. I say they may be doing u a favour since words get ard to your hubby. Sometimes its easier for men to listen out and talk to their own gender. You dun want your hubby to seek solace elsewhere rite? Then again, u would know better if ur fds are e type who really cares or simply love to gossip b4 u start pouring it all out.
If you had started e topic on a bitchy note, then i guess u may just have to think of how to deal wif ur hubby.

Answer 7

That is why u should keep your personal business between u and your husband only. If u want to confront them about it, just do so. Don't worry how u will go about it. The damage has been done already. U might want to apologize to your husband for airing out your dirty laundry though.

Answer 8

The first thing I would suggest is talk to your husband. Tell him what was said. It isn't important if he gets mad or hurt, by what was said. It is very IMPORTANT that he knows what you said, that way he knows the difference between truth and BULL *hit!!
Then as far as talking to these people. I would be direct and to the point! Hey what are you doing repeating things that we talked about in private?

Thought of the day. Can man repeat what he does not hear?

Answer 9

I think it's time to decide who your friends really are. You made a huge mistake by trusting personal and likely intimate information with these people. The one who needs to be confronted is you. Apologize to your husband and over time you will gain his trust again. The relationship that matters the most is your marriage and it may be time to find new friends.

Answer 10

The main question that comes to mind is why are you keeping secrets from your husband? The second question is why do you expect your friend's to keep secrets from their husbands? I'm sorry to say this, but your friend's spouses had you husband's best interests in mind. You were keeping secrets and it was their obligation to not withhold valuable information from him. The moment you start keeping secrets from you husband is the moment your relationship begins to unravel. Talk to your husband and explain whatever insecurities you have or had and why you felt you had to keep secrets from him. This is the man you married, he is not only your lover but more importantly your lifelong friend. He is the last person you should be hiding from.