My husband and I have been married for over 2 years, and we have one child together. I have a very low sex-drive and he has a very high sex-drive. Up to this point, I have accomodated him as best I could... but now I'm in law school and I'm just too busy with the baby to worry about taking care of him all the time. We love each other very much, but he's getting frustrated. Should I let him have a mistress, i.e. someone he uses just for sex? This is possible if he can get into a swingers club (women there are very clear about having sex with no emotion attached).
2006-11-02 11:03:49 · 42 answers · asked by Karen H 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
if you're more comfortable with that then having sex with him when you don't feel like it, then yeah. If you're comfortable letting him find/choose the women then let him do that too, but you could always make the stipulation that you get to be the one who chooses the women/woman, I think that would be hot.
2006-11-02 11:06:42 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 5⤋
Mulitiple partners usually lead to divorce court. I've seen people say these things work but the reality is far different. You've only been married for a little over two years and you passion is already gone?
Did you have a low sex drive when you hooked up and made believe that you didn't? If so, then you are getting what is expected when people deceive others. If you sex drive has suddenly become low, it could be a medical or psychological problem.
If you don't love him, why did you get married?
2006-11-02 11:08:16 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 1⤋
You are a very open minded woman on this matter and I applaud you for it. But I would advise you away from this because you can never have sexual intercourse without some kind of emotions. And after a while, these emotions will transfer his emotions for you to the other woman. Pretty soon, he will be spending more and more time with the "other woman" and eventually, he will be gone.
See if he can satisfy himself by masturbation. Get him some good porn, even sit there and watch him, it will turn him on. But even as open and a devoted wife as you seem to be, I would advise against getting another woman in bed with your husband. After a little while of no sex from you and getting all he wants on the side, in various ways, i.e., fellatio, anal, vaginal, he will find coming home more difficult and be staying away a lot more. Why not, if someone down the street will suck his penis, why go home? See what I mean?
I really wish you well.
2006-11-02 11:17:42 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 1⤋
No. My ex-wife went through this. There are clinical drugs to help with this disorder.
"It's not uncommon for new moms to have problems "getting in the mood", but it is important to make time for your relationship as well as your new baby. The first few weeks or months may be difficult to squeeze in time for anything, let alone, time for lovemaking. And if you are not in the mood, it is even harder to create the time. There are many reasons new moms (or dads) lose interest in sex. Sometimes it is as simple as being tired or feeling unappreciated. If you think that your sexual drive is something to be concerned about, you should consult with a doctor. Sometimes a low sex drive can be hormone related or can be symptoms of postpartum depression. "
2006-11-03 06:04:43 · answer #4 · answered by www.treasuretrooper.com/186861 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Whats more important the sanctity of marriage or sex.OMG i would never entertain the thought of my husband sleeping with another woman to "fulfill" his needs.If he loved you he wouldn't either god did make masturbation for a reason..I dont understand how you would allow that.He needs to respect you and if you are having a problem try working it out not going outside the marriage..I think you need help for you self-esteem b/c thats the only way that a woman would be ok with letting another woman take care of his needs.Not to mention what about disease or what if she takes care of him better or to the point where he doesn't need you??How are you going to be able to look at him knowing he has been with someone else?Will you mind wonder if shes better that you?Creating new problems.
2006-11-02 11:22:50 · answer #5 · answered by plumcouch30 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Why did you get married then, and why would you even consider allowing this to happen. Do you honestly believe it will help resolve this issue and not bring forth others. Have you considered what your child will think of the both of you when they find this out later in life.
You have to make time for him and try things to get yourself in the mood. All of us are busy and think there just is not enough time or energy to think about doing it but most people will make the time if they want a great marriage.
2006-11-02 11:25:12 · answer #6 · answered by trojan 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
From what I've seen, having outside partners rarely works and usually ends up in divorce. A lot of posters are saying you should change and give him more sex, but I think he needs to be more considerate of YOU. You have a child (he needs to participate in child care, too) and you are pursuing a demanding degree. You won't be in law school forever, he needs to help you out now and not be so selfish.
Try to compromise, maybe get a sitter one night a week (or every two weeks) and spend time together to rekindle the spark. Good luck!
2006-11-02 11:20:04 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
I'm not married but i don't even have to read this whole question to answer this. IS YOU CRAZY? That is your husband not just some man DO YOU WANT A DIVORCE?. There are a lot of things to help you get in the mood you are not the only woman who feels like that sometimes. You need to do what ever you can to make him happy that is not the job of another woman or you will lose him and that may hurt you more than you can even think. I say HELL no! Try all you can and your sexuality will come back
2006-11-02 11:09:14 · answer #8 · answered by ~InEvItAbLe~ 2 · 3⤊ 2⤋
If he loves you then he will deal with the fact that you are busy taking care of the baby and you are going to school to have a good career to help take care of your family. If he wants to have you more then he needs to help out more around the house, with the baby etc. to give you a break. I dont think that you should give him the opportunity to sleep with someone else so that he can get pleasure from someone while your away to satisfy his needs. Its your choice but dont do it just to satisfy him you are his wife there shouldnt be another woman taking your place. Do you really want some nasty woman with whatever diseases to sleep with your man then pass them on to you?
2006-11-02 11:36:29 · answer #9 · answered by 2wild4u 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Why don't you ask for help with the baby from him? Then get yourself some herbs, like damiana and wild yam, they help the sex drive and have a good night! What is wrong with society that we are now allowing people to sleep around? Aren't there many others ways to deal? Can't he maybe just substain for awhile and focus on the baby and how he can help you? He is not a primal animal that has to have sex! He is a man that is capable of withstanding and be caring and helpful. Come on now!
It makes me sick the people on here that think this is great, what shmucks!
2006-11-02 11:14:21 · answer #10 · answered by daisy 4 · 0⤊ 2⤋
Sounds like a good idea in theory, but he might get to like the swingin part of his life too much. Too bad women aren't more like men in the libido dept. It seems to be an epidemic world wide - or I think it's always been like it, but our mothers never spoke about it. Men put too much emphasis on sex. There is way more to a relationship than sex. Good luck, hope you can work something out.
2006-11-02 17:02:54 · answer #11 · answered by jammer 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋