Everybody is mean to me?

Question

So basically I was sexually assaulted and some of my ex friends were there and saw it happen. they didnt do anything about it and started spreading rumors around school that I am a whore and slut. My reputation went down to nothing and everybody started being mean. I told my parent's about it and my parents are pressing charges against the boy but nobody understands that it is his fault and not mine. people hate me now and are complete jerks. i dont know what to do and how to deal with people. i dont respond to them in any way but they have been so mean to me that at points i have tried hurting myself. i am in counseling but i dont know what to do to regain my reputation and deal with people not liking me! HELP!

Answer 1

First of all, I'm terribly sorry that you had such an experience. Date rape is perhaps more violating that rape by a stranger, as you are unfortunately finding out the hard way. The Date Rapist always will go with, "Hey, she started it, it was consensual."

You've taken a very important first step in referring to those witnesses as your EX-friends. With friends like those... I can only assume that this was a party-type situation with alcohol - bad idea. If this is not the case, then your friends sitting there stone-cold sober and ignoring the assault, which you were presumably calling for help against, should be charged as accessories to the crime.

The important thing to remember is that it was non-consensual and that if your reputation at your school is ruined, perhaps nobody attending the school is worth knowing. Stay in counseling, also attend group counseling for victims of rape. There you can find people who know exactly what you are going through.

As to your school, I would suggest contacting whatever local organization for prevention of rape and rape counseling and see that they have some sort of mandatory presentation for the school. Obviously, there needs to be a wake-up call there. You could also theoretically sue for mental pain and suffering - both from the ex-friends who started the rumors as well as the school ignoring the way you are being treated; but testifying at a criminal trial is likely to be hard enough without doing it multiple times.

Are there any other schools in your area? Generally speaking, you should be able to obtain a transfer, particularly if the boy in question goes to your current school. You should look into that as a way for a fresh start. Other than that, find friends in whatever extracuricular activities, church, temple, whatever you do.

And when you have those times where you feel like trying to harm yourself and feel you have nobody to look to, there are many, many teenage crisis lines, be it for suicidal thoughts, rape, and just about any difficultly.

Good luck.

Answer 2

I am so sorry that this is happening to you. You need to focus on yourself, and not other people. Make sure that you deal with what happened to you now, so that you can come out okay for the future. I know that it is hard for you to see this right now, but your long term health and well being are the only things that are important right now. Ignore everything and everybody else. Press charges against the boy and don't back down. Your current school sounds like it is not the best place for you. Look into transferring somewhere else. You do not need to put up with this harassment. And you don't have to. You don't deserve it. Your "friends" do not sound like real friends at all. Forget about them. It won't be that you are quitting or letting them win, but that you'll be doing what is best for you. School will one day be over, and then you will only have yourself. So please focus on yourself. Talk to your counselor about how you really feel. Explain to her and your parents that you might need some extra help. The important thing is healing the scars that are caused by sexual assault. That is the only important thing. And don't hurt yourself. Pray to God for strength. He is the only person who can really help you through this. I will remember you in my prayers. God bless you.

Answer 3

well sweetie the same thing happened to me when i was 16 and my so called friends stood by and did nothing and started rumors about me also well i over come that but the pain is still there im sorry you went through that and speaking from someone who no what your going through the hurt never goes away and them b!tches are going to find out one day when it happens to them and it may not but it might one day happen to there daughters and they will see how it feels i hope you pressed charges and dont feel down about yourself because it is not your fault and you hold your head up hi they should be ashamed not you and the one who spread the rumors about me i beat that b!tches @ss and she doesnt have sh!t to say anymore because i told her that if i even think she is saying anything i will be back but that was the way i handled it maybe not the right way but it made me feel good just to shut her mouth because i already went through rape and then had to put up with people bashing me and calling me a whore and slut when they should have been helping me and bashing the men who raped me so hold your head up girl

Answer 4

I feel bad for you. Seriously. Well, if I were you I would just go with the flow and and try to make some new friends that WON'T spread nasty rumors like about you.
What I do when I want to try and make some more friends... I compliment people. But, just don't compliment them all of the time. Then they will think you're a stalker or something like that.
Even if I don't really like what they are wearing or their accesories that they have on... I'll still compliment 'em.

I even got the guts to compliment a VERY popular girl in my grade that didn't like me. And now, we're good friends. See, it works. like you still or will like you.

Now, you can either do that or you can just look sad and depressed all of the time. & odds are, someone's bound to feel bad and sorry for you. Who, knows... if they feel really bad and sorry for you they might even become your friend. C'mon, somebody in your school has to have a heart. You know?

Try it. See if it works. Then e-mail me the results. [e-mail]

p.s. it might take a couple to a few days to work.

Answer 5

Continue going to counseling and don't let what these kids say bring you down. The next time someone says something about what went down you should say, "Well... maybe it wouldn't have happened if my friends would have stuck up for me or did something to save me from being assaulted. I'm not the whore, you all are just pathetic."
They have NO nerve to sit around talking about you when they could have saved you from being assaulted. Don't let them bring you down. You're a beautiful person— inside and out. When people say things, they are only insecure with themselves. They have no respect for themselves, it's their loss if they want to be so rude to you. But, you don't need them in life anyway. One day, you'll move on and you've learned your lessons (to be careful who you trust). And one day, they'll be living in regret for not helping you and taking action.
If you're not a whore then don't let it effect you when they call you that.

Answer 6

Hey Honey,,, dont blame yourself,,, young people seem to have this negative attitude about people that are treated as you were.. when the person to blame is put on trial....

Why, I dont know,, but Time heals all wounds and it will take a while before you get this behind you. Maybe until you leave for college where people dont know you...

I suggest that maybe you think about changing schools if that is possible.. or a private school...

good luck

Answer 7

i'm so sorry that this is going on to you. you need to recognition on your self, and now no longer diverse persons. guarantee that you in hardship-free words take care of what got here about to you presently, so that you may want to be able to go back out ok for the lengthy run. I comprehend that that's perplexing that you will discover this ultimate now, notwithstanding your lengthy run well being and well being are the only concerns that are necessary ultimate now. forget concerning the entire aspect and all and assorted else. Press expenses in the route of the boy and do not back off. Your latest college sounds love that's not the great position for you. look into shifting some position else. you do not ought to submit with this harassment. and also you do not would favor to. you do not deserve it. Your "friends" do not sound like incredibly friends in any appreciate. ignore them. it won't be able to be that you're quitting or permitting them to win, notwithstanding that you will be able to be doing what's surprising for you. college will in some unspecified time sooner or later be over, and then you'll ultimate have your self. So please recognition on your self. communicate on your counselor about the way you fairly think. clarify to her and your mom and father that you in hardship-free words might want to elect some further help. the traditional aspect is remedy the scars that are caused through sexual attack. that's the only necessary aspect. and do not damage your self. Pray to God for stress. he's the only personality who can fairly provide help to through this. i will remember you in my prayers. God bless you.

Answer 8

If your "friends" are saying stuff like that and never helped you they they were never truly your friends and you don't need people like that in your life anyway.Just keep going to counseling and be strong don't let what other people think and say get to you. It may hurt now but in the end it will make you a stronger person.

Answer 9

I am so sorry to hear this happened to you, but you in no way deserved it! Dont let people let you think otherwise about yourself. You are not a slut, but if you are in high school, you realize that high schoolers are mean and cruel and throw that word and whore around loosely. Also you realize that in the eyes of a high schooler or anyone else around, unless it has happened to them, they wont understand your position, and they are ignorant. You don't have to be liked by them, there are plenty of people out there who like you. let these people know that what they are saying bothers the heck out of you, and had this happened to them, they wouldn't be so quick to judge. Tell them that you wouldnt wish this hurt and pain upnon any of them although they treat you like mud. You dont deserve this treatment, but you have to hang in there. Dont worry about your reputation, the only friends you need are the ones who stick by you, and they always say if you can count the number of good friends on one hand, you are in a good place. You dont need to gain these people's feelings towards you back, you just need them to understand that you didnt ask for this position. Tell them they need to put themselves in your shoes. Think hard about what they would do about it. Do not hurt yourself! That means they have won and defeated you, and you are so much stronger than them and the boy who did this to you, but if you give in, they have defeated you, and you dont want that. You are worth more than they are combined for treating you this way. I went through a lot in school, and not quite what you have, but I had to learn to stop being so vulnerable and take a stand for myself. being beaten up in school was getting old. I let people know what they did to me was hurting, and I let them know that had they been sitting there on the ground bleeding and hurt, I would help them up. That all you need is support to get through this. Hopefully all goes well with pressing charges, and hang tough because you are better than them, and if they cant see that, dont worry you dont need them in your life anyways! Who wants a bunch of people like that hanging around? Stand tall and be confident. You'll get through this, and good luck! Remember that people are cruel, and they never think before they act or talk. It's a terrible habit and just have pity for them because if they can't be a good person and support you or lay off of you, then something must be wrong in their life that they feel they are better than you and can treat you like this.

Answer 10

If that's so then they were not your friends to begin with....
don't ever count on them...... a friend is someone who will
stand up and help you...... and be there for you......
don't worry about the rumors....
they come and go, and they spread........
but the people that know you,
know the truth....... as long as you know,
hang your head high and go to school with
pride.... you've done nothing wrong............