My girlfriend and I have only been dating for a couple weeks( exclusivley dating for a couple days ). She has a five year old son. I have no kids. I don't really like kids but I am willing to give the kid a chance eventually. I just think it's to early in the relationship to come into this kids life. If I breakup with his mom I don't want there to be hurt feelings or anything. I told my girlfriend this and she was upset. She said if I didn't meet him then that things would be over with us. I said I want to meet him just not yet but that wasn't good enough. What should I do? Should I just meet the kid now? It will make my girlfriend happy and if everything works out I guess it's a non issue but I don't have the greatest dating history. I am 43 and never married and Have dated 14 girls in the last 5 years. It was worse than that in the preceding years.
2006-11-02 10:15:45 · 13 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
007: This girl is gauging your sincerity to the potential relationship with your reaction to her son. Accept her son whole-heartily and she will want to take the relationship farther, with you. I appreciate your wisdom in not wanting to stand the kid up only, to have his feelings shattered. Understand this; the girl has had other "irons in the fire" before and when the news of the kid came into sight, the guy(s) fled the scene and didn't want anything more to do with her. It's an insecurity issue for her and a good one at that ! IF YOU REALLY HAVE LOVE FEELINGS FOR HER, ACCEPT HER PAST MISTAKES AND ALL - SHE WILL KNOW YOU TRULY LOVE HER THEN. Good luck to you 007 - this vodka is for you !!!
2006-11-02 10:37:18 · answer #1 · answered by guraqt2me 7 · 0⤊ 2⤋
I would meet the boy. I am sure he is great and you will have a lot of fun. The reason why you think you don't like kids is because you just have not realised how amazing they are.
Also imagine you had spent the last few years making a formula one race car or a statue, or a robot, or writing a symphony or any great project. You put all your time, money, energy and love into making the best and coolest thing you have ever made and it has turned out better than you could have ever believed.
Imagine that sort of thing. Think of how proud you would be. Times that by 100. That is how she feels about her kid - her kid is her greatest achievement.
Now imagine how hurt you would feel if someone you were dating did not want to see your fantastic achievement. Think how sad and lost that would make you feel.
I would really go and meet the kid. If the kid hates you or you hate him then this would split the relationship anyway and if you get on well then all the better.
If you really like her then you have to like the boy too. I don't think delaying things can possibly improve the situation.
Anyway - that is all I can say about this. I hope things go well and the two (three) of you are very happy together. Have a great day my friend.
2006-11-02 10:29:18 · answer #2 · answered by monkeymanelvis 7 · 0⤊ 3⤋
you two need to have a SERIOUS conversation. take it from me. i am a single mother w/ 3 kids and my fiance has none. do not interject yourself into the life of a single mother if you can not handle what comes w/her. the one thing that i can applaud you on is that it is kind of soon. however what does meeting him have to do with anything? it's not adoption or the end of the world. you may just enjoy it. young children are often fun and refreshing. it is a heavy decision, but one that should be made off of facts, desires and expectations for the relationship. if you don't like children, don't want children, then why bother? what is she expecting from you? at this point, a couple of brief outtings (pizza or an arcade) should suffice. nothing heavy, nothing big. you get a chance to see what kind of mother she is, how she's raising her child and if you can even tolerate children.... if she's expecting more i think its unrealistic and unfair and even more unfair of you to tag along b/c you're lonely and want someone around. keep an open mind. talk things through. this relationship not only affects you two, it affects the child.
2006-11-02 10:25:38 · answer #3 · answered by angel in the er 1 · 1⤊ 1⤋
I can see why you don't have the greatest dating history if you are not being completely honest with your girlfriend. I bet she doesn't know that you hate kids. If you do hate kids, then why are you dating someone who has them? Honesty is so important in a relationship and you've already been completely dishonest. Eventually, the truth will come out and you will be hurting your girlfriends feelings and yourself. When you date a single mom, this is what you should expect.
2006-11-02 10:47:01 · answer #4 · answered by cee cee 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I don't believe your girlfriend is being fair to you or to the child by forcing the issue. It seems to me that she wants to move the relationship to the next level and is willing to use her child to do it. She is not considering the hurt and disappointment that a premature meeting can cause a child longing for a Dad. Have you asked yourself or better yet, her, how many other men she has insisted meet her child. It is much to early in the relationship and your saying so should be enough. She sounds insecure and she is trying to use the kid to cement the relationship.
If she insists and you are unsure DO NOT agree with her agenda. Stick to your guns and save yourself, the child and her, confusion and mixed signals. She sounds desperate, I hate passing judgement but if you are together only a few weeks what else can one conclude.
2006-11-02 10:37:29 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
Don't be such a scaredy cat. The real deal is that you should have her introduce you correctly- as a good friend and not as a "boyfriend" idea so as not to confuse the child. Have her understand that you don't want to confuse him but would like to meet him. If this child is loved and I'm sure he is, then he is a huge part of this girls life, that doesn't mean you have to act diff. or become something you don't want to be- just be yourself! You may just find a new little friend and you could both benefit without the confusion of using wrong "titles" or anything.
2006-11-02 10:22:43 · answer #6 · answered by ARTmom 7 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Hi;
In my opinion, when you start a relationship with an ultimatum on either side ( ie)"if you don't do so & so, so & so will happen, well, think about it, that's a threat, with dire consequences.Starting out on that kind of note will give your potential partner an unfair advantage and will show either weakness or desperation on your part. Stand firm now, or later will come regrets. Down the road (if it continues) she will respect you for it and what's a relationship without respect
2006-11-02 10:45:58 · answer #7 · answered by Walter M 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
OK I am a single mom with one child and I would never have a man meet my son unless I was totally sure if the relationship was going to work out, now u started that u really didn't like kids? who dosent like kids? well that none of my business anyways so if u are not sure that u don't want to meet him that is your right .. don't feel pressured and made to meet this child.. Good luck! and if your girlfriend dosent understand that.. then she is most likely not the girl for you!
2006-11-02 10:22:57 · answer #8 · answered by michelle b 4 · 1⤊ 1⤋
She's looking for a DADDY, sounds like! Best take the advice about having a serious talk with the girl. Let her know it's way to soon! Or just back out altogether. Are you doing anything to lead her on?
2006-11-02 11:13:39 · answer #9 · answered by Gramms 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I say if something happened between me and my wife and my child was involved I would want him or her to meet the person dating my ex-wife but it would have to be a stable relationship between the mother and boy friend , Try telling your girl friend that you don't want to rush that because you want to make sure that the child does not see his mother bouncing around from relationship its not that you plan on breaking up with her you just want whats best for her child.. I agree with you as in its to early in the relationship to meet the kid but hey maybe meet and not have the kid know your dating the mother just a trip to the park or something hey its tough when it comes to kid hang in there .. good luck !
2006-11-02 10:26:13 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋