What should I do with my daughter?

Question

I recently found out something very disturbing about my daughter. She's 14 years old and she met a guy on an online forum who is almost 20 years old. They had some sort of e-relationship. He would wauit until 3 or 6 am so that he could call her while we were sleeping. He even met her at a mall and kissed her more than once. I caught her on the phone with this persona nd i not so kindly told him never to call back. I've taken away her phone and computer. What more should I do?

Answer 1

I think you've done pretty much all you have the power of doing. Ground her, take away the phone and computer, and tell her she's not allowed to see him anymore.

If she still finds a way to see him, there isn't a lot else you can do. You can get him arrested for stagetory rape, but only if you can prove in court that they're sleeping together. You can't touch him at all, legally, if all he does is date and kiss her.

Answer 2

I’d just watch her like a hawk.

Keep in mind that part of the reason she is impressed with this guy is that she sees herself as being very special that an older guy is attracted to her. She is certain that he sees a quality in her because she is so much more mature than her own age.

I’ll tell you what I think you need to get across to her but I don’t know how you can do this best and most effective:

You shouldn’t have her think that she is just a kid and doesn’t know what she wants yet.

I think you need to ask her why a 20 year old that should be half way through college is interested in an 9th grader. Have her name other people that is that old interested in someone that young.

I’m not saying this very well, but the point is, “he’s the weird-o and not her.” She is behaving like most girls around that age would behave around a 20 year old attracted to her.

Maybe telling her that when he was her age she was eight.

We had a friend that went through the same stuff with his daughter. The guy was renting a house down the street and she would ride her bicycle down there and go inside. They took everything away from her and she was obsessed with him. Her father even talked to the guy and of course he acted like it wasn’t his fault and it was up to the dad to keep her away. In their situation this guy was like a drug to her... she was really hooked.

All I can think of right now he to keep real close tabs on the guy and find out when he is going to be 21 and then get the police involved. Maybe you can do it now, and get a restraining order on him. When he starts feeling everyone is watching him interested in a 14 year old girl then maybe he will back off. I think your focus should be on changing him than your daughter. From our friend’s experience the more he talked to his daughter about it the more of a problem it became... forbidden fruit, I guess.

Wish I could give you better advice.

Answer 3

Option 1: sit down, talk to her and try reasoning with her. If she wants to date an adult, she better start acting like one. Right now, she sees you as a hinderance-- an obstacle she's determine to overcome.

I remember as a teenager, I would get what I want, What I want, whenever I wanted it, even if my parents were really strict and said no. I did things behind my parents back and they STILL don't know (i'm 24 now.) teenagers are just as determined these days.

if you're daughter wants to make a huge decision like that, she better accept the consequences. Let her know that meeting guys online at her age is not a good idea. they're much too older and could take advantage of her and put her in a position that won't help her grow into a successful adult. She should NOT be thinking about guys (in general). Let her know that there are more important things in life and she should focus on improving herself.

if THAT doesn't work: Option 2. find someone that you and she both trust. Have them talk to her about guy issues. Maybe a cousin, an aunt, or a neighbor. Someone both of you can identify with and give good advice. maybe she just doesn't want to hear it from you, but it might help if someone else offers an ear and good advice.

if THAT doesn't work: Option 3. tell the police. that's statatory rape and he could go to jail for that.

Answer 4

Instead of freaking out over it all you need to sit her down and explain to her the pros and cons of meeting people from on line. Yes she is way to young to be meeting people from on line but you know that the more you tell your child not to do something they are going to do it more! She should be punished and I think you have done that pretty well but she needs someone to talk too and to listen to her not just yell and tell her what to do.

I have a 16 year old and she is limited to certain programs on her computer. We have talked about the good and the bad of the Internet and so far she has made great choices.

Answer 5

Learn how to check her computer, and put parental controls on it. Make sure she only has access to look up stuff for homework and in plain sight where at any glance you can see what is on her screen. And lots and lots of supervision.

Thank you for being the parent. So many these days just look the other way.

You might hang the condition out there, that if you catch her doing anything like that again, she has to delay getting driver's license until age 18.

Answer 6

She'll still find a way to be with him if she is that keen. No two ways about it. You could compile a file of newspaper stories about girls that were killed/abducted/raped by internet stalkers to scare her, but it may just scare you instead. Going out on a limb, is there anyway that you could accept him? Would your mind be at ease if he came over for lunch or something and you had the chance to check him out for yourself? Even inviting him as a bluff and then seeing if he rejects the invitation would tell you more about his motives. If he is a good guy, he would never refuse the invitation. YOu won't be able to protect her forever.

Answer 7

it sounds like shes alittle sneaky and i bet she will find a way to see him and vise vera i would tell ur daughter (nicely) in a calm manner that this is wrong and he is wrong for going after someone so young and it is sick of him to do so and tell her u love her and dont want to see her get taken advandage of any worse then she already has i know she wont think she is but in realitly she is and tell her so u can sleep you'd feel better if she did not talk to him nor see him and if she does id call the police

Answer 8

Put a chastity belt on her and beat that a s s! Also, you should beat yourself too for not knowing about this sooner. You gave her to much freedom. I would tell her and him if they dont stop seeing each other you are going to call the police and press charges against him!

Answer 9

every parent wants to be the cool parent but try talking to her about it calmly and tell her how you feel if she listens give her her stuff back if she doesn't try talking to her again in a stern calm voice and try to occupie her with her friends or acctivitys. Such as girl scouts or whats her favorite subject? Talk to her about it and see if she likes the idea of a soccor camp ar something.

Answer 10

Not much to be honest. She's going to be upset and angry over your treatment of her. Give her time to cool off, then try to sit down and have a proper conversation with her as to why you reactd the way you did. Give her information on how dangerous it was, and you're doing this to protect her.