I spoke with my husband last night and he basically made a joke out of everything I talked to him about him neglecting me & my needs. (See my first question). I didn't mention in the first question that he is verbally and physically abusive. Not to the point of actually punching me but everyone I talk to says what he does is physical because it hurts and I tell him not to do it. I don't have any money and I need a lawyer or something. Maybe a legal separation. I live in Missouri. Does anyone have any suggestions??
2006-11-02 09:01:10 · 15 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Your husband needs reality check. You need to map out a plan for getting out of this situation. I would calmly tell him that due to the fact that he has no regard for your feelings or needs that you are planning to take the children and move out. Before you talk to him though know exactly how you are going to accomplish this so when he beings to challenge you on your means to the end you will have answers. This will either wake him up or let you move on. I know this is easier said than done, but I would research apartments in the area and find one you can afford. Try and figure out how you are going to work your schedule with the kids and everything. I know it might seem like you are taking things too far, but if it goes bad you will be completely ready. Just have a plan and a place to go. If he cares anything about you he will come to his senses and make a change, but I'm betting he has been this self absorbed throughout your relationship and it just became more self evident went the kids came along. I have been married for 11 years and have two beautiful little girls so I have a good frame of reference on your question. I hope this helps.
2006-11-02 09:19:47 · answer #1 · answered by bldrjck 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I have read the answers that others gave....and I would agree with most of it....Some how I don't think your husband respects himself....if he cant take care of his own and really make sure your needs are being met!...does someone have to tell you to listen to your husband when he is pouring his heart out about his bad day??? Or does anyone need to tell you that hes hungry and could use a little dinner or that his clothes need to be washed and the house has to be cleaned.....your fulfilling his needs....are you not ....then what the hell is wrong with him...I had the same problem as you and I looked for love somewhere else and when I found it and told him I was leaving he was heart broken....he wanted to try again and I gave him a chance ...he finally realized that I wasn't just telling him my needs just for the hell of it and started taking my needs seriously. He also realized that he valued all that I have done for him and how patient I have been with him.He has been allot better and its almost been a year. we still have things to work through but he has got to buck up or get the hell out!!!! If you can you should get a job and try and change things to make yourself happy...you are the only one that can build yourself up .... I know its hard but your worth it....and YOU DO HAVE VALUE ..don't forget that, cause it seems he did ....Good luck
2006-11-02 17:31:00 · answer #2 · answered by D K 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
How about a seperation trial? It seems like there are alot of issues with things but they dont seem to be impossible. You have to remember you dont know what you got until its gone. Let him miss you for awhile and see how things go first make sure he understands how you feel about everything. You should take a break away from each other dont go out with other people but seperate and figure out ways how you can improve the marriage. If then he doesnt try to do anything to save your marriage or take your feelings into consideration then start thinking about a more permanent solution. Well you do have a full time job is there some where you could stay for a while for this trial seperation? Or is there somewhere he could stay? Figure out what you have available to you and utilize them. Where there is a will there is a way. Just try to figure out what that is. If your going to do this then do it set a certain time frame for yourself that your willing to except and dont come in contact with each other until that time frame is met it really helps to put things into perspective when you dont have as much contact.
2006-11-02 17:14:04 · answer #3 · answered by hmm 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Abuse is not something to be tolerated in a marriage. Do you have any friends, anyone to turn to? Someone who might know your situation in more detail, and could offer help? You can call some divorce attorneys; the first phone consultation is usually free; ask them what your options are. Any family members you could move in with while you're getting a divorce? Any possibility you can get a job? You really have to start gaining your independence back if you're ever to break the cycle of abuse and unhappiness.
2006-11-02 17:08:44 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Tinkerbell: Why do you stay with this self-centered abusive nut for ? Staying with him will not change him - he may never change for the remainder of his life ! You need to address the question, "Am I going to put up with him and be abused" ? Eventually, he will get physically abusive with you ... I can assure you of that ! GET OUT before he knocks you out ! Obviously, you are viewed by him as an object - not a soul mate ! I hope you do not have any children to see Mr. "self" abuse you. I am not a lawyer but can tell you this much. You have to take action to separate from this jerk. There are guys out there who would be very kind to you. Good luck to you !!!
2006-11-02 17:17:37 · answer #5 · answered by guraqt2me 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Get out now and go live with a girlfriend. Worry about a lawyer later unless you have a house and kids.
2006-11-02 17:03:43 · answer #6 · answered by SheRa 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Well, you expressed your feelings and told him what you need, as a partner he should take you seriously...how does he know what you need unless you tell him right? Well, since he mocked you & is emotionally abusing you I would step back from the relationship & see what your opptions are as far as a seperation or divorce...maybe that will let him know that you are serious & need to be taken seriously. We can only teach others how to treat us & its up to us not to take the abuse. Good luck.
2006-11-02 17:06:22 · answer #7 · answered by pattysez 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Get help from your family. You know, Parents, Aunts, Uncles, Brothers, Sisters, Cousins.
2006-11-02 17:04:36 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
What if I told you that it isn't his responsibility to meet your needs or fulfill you. You need a hobby. The problem with America is, "I need a lawyer or something".
Please stop being the problem.
It sounds harsh, but...
it's true.
2006-11-02 17:06:42 · answer #9 · answered by ::ponders:: 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
well if your sure that you want to leave him, which sounds like you should.....call some friends or someone in your family to get you out of there. then look for a lawyer
2006-11-02 17:04:50 · answer #10 · answered by Cobra 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋