What should i do?

Question

I have a step son of 15 i adoped and raised since he was 9. When his dad is away on business he doesn't listen of me and misbehaives badly, he rebels. What should i do so he will respect my authority ? He was a naughty kid always but from 12 he started to rebel more and since then i let his dad take care of the dicipline part this is why he acts out more when his dad is away. His birth mom died in a car crash when he was 5. We have a great relation as long as i don't tell him off or order him or ground him.

Answer 1

You just need to punish him for misbehaving. Put your foot down on some somethings.

Answer 2

Have you ever thought about talking to him of why he rebels like that? Maybe he is just upset that his mother died like that or something. Don't just assume he is rebelling for no reason. There is always a reason for something. But don't start this conversation when you are in a big fight, because then it is just going to be worth nothing. He may say things that will hurt you during this conversation, but you have to put yourself into his shoes. How would you feel if you barely knew your real mom and then your dad getting married? It may not be that, but it there is a big possibility that that is what it is. If he doesn't want to talk, just tell him that if he ever wants to talk, he knows you can come to you.

Answer 3

He wants to be the man when dad is gone. He's growing up and he resents the female authority.

Agree with him that he can make decisions for himself while dad is gone. Have him give his dad his itinerary for when dad is gone. You and dad review and if necessary revise the plan. Ask your son to write down what event he is going to, where it is going to be, what time it starts and ends, Let him know you both expect him to make responsible decisions and do the things that continue to earn your Trust.

Then you have a friend over, or take a long bath, or rearrange your room. Enjoy. As long as he can do what he says he is going to do you can trust him.

You have 3 years left with this young man before he leaves for the very last time. You have the gift of time and foresight. Help him to learn responsible decision making and independence. Now is not a bad time for him to begin to earn some money. A part time job wouldn't kill him. My kids stay after school for academic support from 3 to 4. I don't do the homework battle. Expect that he will maintain his grades, Expect that he treat you and your husband with Respect. Respond to the things he says to you. Do not react. Think of what you want to say, take a breath, and say it calmly and respectfully. This teaches Respect.

Sounds like he's a basically good kid, enjoy that young man and have a plan for when Dad has to be away.

Answer 4

since dad is the disciplinarian he needs to make the child understand that just because he isn't there doesn't give him the right to disobey. he needs to know that when dad comes home the punishment will be severe if he gives you problems while he's gone. stop letting dad take care of all the discipline, you are his mom that doesn't mean you don't discipline him, you just have to be strong and not allow your son to walk all over you. when you say something mean it! follow through with what consequences he is given for his actions. make him understand what the consequences will be before he breaks the rules, not after. just like we know that if you rob a bank you will go to jail, a child needs to know that if you, for example stay out after cufew then you don't get to go out for the next 3 days, or if you are disrespectful, then you are punished to your room for 2 days, or you get certain privilages taken away, but you have to stick to it. it helps to write these rules and consequences down and post them in your home. have a family meeting when dads home and discuss the rules and consequenses let your son assist in the punishment, ask him what does he think an appropriate punisment is if he breaks this rule etc, then you say what you think is appropriate, and go from there. if possible contact your local family services and inquire about groups for unruly teens
thats where i learned these techniques, it helped us immensly.
good luck to you!

Answer 5

First, you need to sit down with the boy's father and let him know how his son behaves while he's away. His father needs to sit down and let the kid know who's the boss when he's away. His father, you and the kid need to sit down, discuss the issues and most of all ask why he behaves the way he does. The kids needs to show respect - no matter who's at home giving the orders.
Years ago, while married to my 2nd husband, his son lived with us for a while. At no time did the boy ever disrespect me. He listened to both of us and was disciplined by both of us.

Answer 6

OMG arent you the parent......PARENT!!!
he is acting like this cause he knows he can get away with it...you need to royally disipline him so he knows who is boss!!! and continually do this even when his dad is home and make sure dad is behind you all the way when you do it too...

Good luck