been married for 19 yrs with 2 teen kids. cant stand the drinking but love my husband. i want to make him choose but i am so scared he will choose the beer.. then what does that mean our marriage was just a big lie?
2006-11-02 08:50:32 · 16 answers · asked by momoftwobestkids 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Dont do any thing drastic... Sit and talk with him. When sober of course. Tell him how much this is affecting your relationship and what not.... Let him know that you have debated leaving... but dont give an altimatum. You wont like the outcome. If he thinks he does not have a problem than maybe you need to leave to let him know who serious you are.
2006-11-02 08:57:00 · answer #1 · answered by jewellee79 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Can't tell from your question how much he drinks. I know tea-totalers who think that 2 beers once a week is a drinking problem. If the drinking directly causes measurable problems in your family, then talk to him about cutting down. Find out why he drinks then come up with a mutual solution. If he's a full blown alchy, then stopping completely may be the only option. If not, ask him to keep it to a Friday night and to view it as a reward for a week's hard work.
2006-11-02 09:15:11 · answer #2 · answered by Scotty 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sorry to say, but after 19 years you have already made your choice. As a matter of fact you have made it over and over again.
Now you "suddenly" wish to change your choice. I'm not supporting him and I hate what alohol can do to a relationship and to a family. However, you are changing the rules after 19 years.
Don't be a drama queen. Sit down with him while the kids are at a babysitter and while he is off of the sauce and have an honset discussion about what he is doing to the kids and about you wanting him to be around when the kids need him.
An addict just doesn't change overnight.
Best wishes.
2006-11-02 09:03:19 · answer #3 · answered by RunningUte 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You cant reason with a drunk and as far as love your husband? do you really? how can you really love someone you don't respect. He has given you a choice when you think about it my drinking or leave> per say. Just tell him but it probably wont work anyway and he wouldn't choose the drinking trust me he would be afraid of losing you. But he needs AA or other help for drinking. Don't put up with B.S.if it ruins your happiness, and to think what it does to your kids.You need to have ppl respect you and respect yourself so i see it as you think you don't deserve better happiness.
I wouldn't want my mom to live like that and prob, your kids dont either. Try having a family meeting and every one get out thier feelings about it.
2006-11-02 08:58:10 · answer #4 · answered by englishgal11 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You have to just come out and tell him that is the drinking or the family. If he chooses the beer then he is the loser. I hope things work out the way you want then to. You have to do this no matter the out come. God Bless
2006-11-02 11:37:32 · answer #5 · answered by Sexy-n-Hot 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Try to get the nerve up on a good day like friday or saturday and just tell him its you or the beer. Make sure if he says the beer you have enough time to get out of there.
2006-11-02 08:59:03 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Giving someone a date to stop is saying that I'm going to give you your last party, which will never end. I gave my son's father the ultimatum, quit crack or never see your son again. He never saw his son again but at least I didn't have to worry about him getting high in front of my son, driving with him in the car like that, neglecting him, abusing him, killing him. It's a tough decision, and I've been there, probably the hardest decision you will ever make in your whole life, but it's a choice you are going to have to give him for the welfare of your children and yourself. If you want more detail, or want to ask any other questions please feel free to contact me.
2006-11-02 08:59:12 · answer #7 · answered by FaerieWhings 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you cant make him choose he has to do that and if he chooses the booze over his family then he will have to hit rock bottom before he see's what he lost dont stay and put your self and your kids through this make a move and make him see what is more important to him
2006-11-02 08:55:42 · answer #8 · answered by just_me_1955 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
he ahs to choose or you will choose for him. and no your marrage isn't a lie you love him and i'm sure that he loves you to but with beer in the way the love is hidden and that mean no happyness.
2006-11-02 08:58:05 · answer #9 · answered by missy 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It means he has his top priorities all messed up if he choses booze over his family. He needs to decide what is more important to keep in his life. Speak your mind, he should already know by now how you feel.
2006-11-02 09:01:44 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋